Driving in the Car with a Screaming 1 Year Old

K. -

Go ahead and put the DVD on. What's the harm? If you are already a parent that's okay with a DVD in the car, then why would you stress about putting limitations on that? If it will get all of you someplace in good moods with no ragged nerves, then girl, do it!

It's a stage. He'll grow out of it. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. (I think my son did this for about 3 or 4 months. I can't remember...)

But if you know that you've tried multiple solutions with no success, and the DVD solution works, why not just solve the problem that way? What's keeping you from allowing that to be the answer? That's what I would do.

Good luck! S.

Give no attention and use earplugs (For both son and dad). It will work after a while. :)
C.

A one-yr-old can definitely tell when he has control over the situation. He will hold on to habits that you "feed" and give up habits that you cut off. We used to have snacks and sippys in the car and it got ridiculous. Sippys rolling around, goldfish in the floor board, and kids still unhappy. So I cut off all snacks and drinks in the car. There was a fit or two, of course, but I simply ignored it. Very soon, they became less needy in the car. I also used the DVD for a while (simply left it connected after a road trip) but that became it's own problem -- coplaining about which movie was playing, fiddling with it when it skips or the show is over, kicking it while I'm driving, etc. I had to remind myself that a child of any age should be able to survive a 20-min car trip without food, drink or electronic entertainment. I'm not sure at what point I believed differently, but things are more peaceful now that I've come to my senses :-)

My son did this for a while too. I was never one for chasing food/drinks in the car while I'm driving, so that wasn't an option for us. When he started the "crying", and yes you can tell when it's a real cry and when it's not, I would turn up the radio and tune him out. It didn't take him long to figure out that it wasn't working and quiet down.

if he is only doing it when dad is around he is definitely trying to tell him something...either dad is too lenient & he needs to let him "cry it out" a few times or maybe he is craving attention from him...does he do this in other situations at home with dad? the dad has to be the one to be consistent & do the same thing everytime, maybe pick up his cup once & tell him that is the last time. & then try giving him some dad time right before the ride & see if that helps.

It's amazing how much a 1-year-old understands about the world around him and he definitely knows how to manipulate using the #1 weapon he has in his arsenal....the "cry." Up until now, the cry has gotten him a full tummy, dry bottom, rest, comfort, attention of all sorts. And being strapped down into the back seat of a car with everyone paying attention to everyone but him, well that just sucks! It's up to you and your husband to let him know in no uncertain terms that he will ride in the car seat, he does not have to be fed or entertained to do so, and he will not be a distraction to the driver because it's dangerous for everyone in the vehicle and on the road around you. You have to condition him to understand you will not respond to that fake cry in any shape form or fashion. It only takes a few times of turning up the stereo for the whining to stop. And, he will soon understand when you take something away he loves for awhile as a consequence if he doesn't behave. Keep your response to the fake cry consistent, in and out of the vehicle. Best of luck, Mommy!

Hi K.,

Yes, a 1 year old is very capable of knowing what's going on around him and figuring out ways to manipulate situations. And, I don't mean that in a negative way. Kids are just feeling things out and learning how they impact things and people around them.

I do think chasing around the sippy cup and feeding to keep him quiet is not going to work out, because in the end, there's just not going to be enough he can do to keep your son happy.

So, maybe he could just give it a shot to see how he reacts when you ignore him while dad is driving. And, your husband may not be a big fan of that, in the long run, it would probably get you less screaming and stress. When he learns things are going to be the same when you are alone in the car with him, and when dad is there, it will probably get better.

Good luck!
C.

I know that's hard....my husband is not very patient with the kids in the car. If it were me, I would say to my husband "why don't we give this a try the next couple of times in the car & see if it makes a difference". Then, when you get in the car, ignore the fits....turn up the radio & don't respond to your son. You & your husband have to show a united front to your son, even at 1 yr old.....they learn very quickly how to get their way & which parent they can manipulate in which situation. One of the hardest parts of becoming a parent with your spouse is learning to play on the same team & when it comes to making your children behave, you both definately have to be on the same side!

Good luck!

Don't forget to start reminding him of the behavior you expect from the time you walk out the front door until you buckle him up. You can say something like "Remember no crying in the car, it hurts our ears!" saying it over and over again. I do this for my 2 year old that hates her car seat. Then if she cries while we are in the car, we really go overboard about how it hurts our ears and say "Ouch! Mommy's ears hurt!" Then redirect by giving two choices of toys to play with. "Would you like a book to read, or this toy to play with?" Not a choice to cry.

Even with my bigger kids, I always find it better to tell them directly what kind of behavior I expect from them before we go anywhere.