I need to drive to my childhood home to visit my father's grave and start clearing my stuff out of his house. I don't have a lot of money or time and I have to make the trip alone. There will be plenty of family friends when I get closer to the East Coast, but I'm wondering if anyone has done this sort of thing before. I'm sort of dreading it, and sort of looking forward to it. Dad died December 13 and we buried him December 20. I haven't been back since. Dad wasn't married and I have one brother not married who lives in the same town as Dad did. I've been in Minnesota since 1991 and I (we - hubby and 2 kids) had always thought we'd get back home to spend the "golden years" with Dad. He got pancreatic cancer and left us rather unexpectedly. So, I have a lot to think about on my drive, but I honestly don't want to cry the entire three days. I do have XM radio. Any other ideas? Leaving Friday night. Thanks in advance.
Have you made this trip before? Do you know the route? If not, I strongly suggest a gps navigator if you are renting the car, I think they often will come with the rentals now. The last two road trips we took, we used one, and will from now on whenever we go anywhere. They are awesome!
We make a cross country drive almost every year (sometimes twice - family on both coasts). Take some books on tape/CD, perhaps even the Bible, and enjoy the time. We usually sleep in our truck at rest stops and look for inexpensive, regional places to grab a bite - make the trip more enjoyable even when it is for "business". My prayers are with you that this will go well. Pack your favorite snacks, and take frequent breaks at a roadside rest or in cute smalltown parks where the scenery is nice - very refrshing.
SAHM of seven
I have driven cross country several times by my self and I quite enjoy the time alone. I usually take my favorite traveling food (to keep me awake) and go to the library and find audio books from my favorite authors on either cassette tapes, CD or you can download books to your computer and then on to a mp3 player which you can play in your car. I usually take 6 to 8 long playing books. Good luck on your trip.
B. S.
Don't be afraid of crying the whole way (and I don't think you will). The drive will be a great time for you to reflect on your life with your dad and remember funny moments, loving moments, sad moments and everything in between. Let yourself grieve and remember that grief takes on surprising forms so don't limit yourself to just what you expect grief to be. When my mom died I was surprised at the things that would make me suddenly burst into tears (like seeing sunflowers in a gift shop) or smile (seeing the picture of her holding me as a baby that I hung on my son's wall). Grief is amazingly powerful so be willing to embrace the journey. My sister took a big cross country journey right after our mom died and to this day she remembers it as being one of the most significant events in her life.
Big hugs and so sorry about your loss.
You don't say whether you've done this or not already, but maybe see if a friend wants to come along for the ride. I know the circumstances are not happy, but having a friend along could make it less lonely.
For the drive, books on CD are awesome, maybe you could find one that talks about the stages of grief? Not that you want to cry the whole time, but its quite a process and the more you know seems the more equipped you are to get through it. A must for all road trips - sunflower seeds. They will keep you awake for those last couple hours when you're trying to push on. I've also read that they can help 'focus' your brain when you need to buckle down and make decisions. Cleaning out your Dad's house is going to be a LOT of decision making. You might want to take along a journal to help sort out your thoughts and feelings about everything. Also take a camera. There are going to be some things you'll want to remember, but not necessarily keep. I'm sorry for your loss. This trip could be very cathartic for you in many ways. Just being on your own without the hubby and two kids is a whole new journey!
like the other response, i think grief is okay... but if you want to get away from that- we've checked out audio CDs from the library and they really helped us get through a cross country trip (before kids, of course!!) it really helped pass the time - in fact, we got some biographies and they were very interesting!
Do you have an ipod or mp3 player? If so, download some podcasts of things that interest you. There are lots of free ones through itunes - cooking, health, parenting, politics... My favorite is the "Satellite Sisters" Hilarious and interesting array of topics for women and moms. That podcast is free from their website. You can get an "itrip" that your ipod plugs into and then whatever is on your ipod plays right through the speakers in your car. They sell itrips at target and best buy.
Melissa,
I'm sorry for your loss.
Go to the library and get a couple of books on CD. Check out some classics you never got around to reading.
Hi Melissa-
Wow- you have a chore to be left alone with.
Hopefully your relatives there will assist.
I haven't had to do this, and am in the sandwich years myself and told I'll be the one doing the clean up for my folks.
You might just need to cry- and if so- let it happen.
Losing a parent unexpectedly and quickly has to hurt- and you seem to have unresolved issues about having lived away now as a result.
You most likely need that "quiet" time to reflect and sort out all the crazy brain your mind is probably doing. That's a great journey once you go through it.
Enjoy the ride, reflect, listen to your gut, find some laughs in good memories and just do what you can. Drive safe and take time to visit and share some memories with family out there too.
hugs from a stranger.
B. J
about me- 47 yo mom of 7 yo twin girls, med. prof and wellness coach
