Drama

This is a really tough situation but it gets better. My ex and I split up when my daughter was only 6 months old so she was to little to understand much. We eventually worked it out where he had her on weekends when I worked but I am her primary guardian. Most of the time he would pick her up when he said he was going to but sometimes he wouldn't and her little heart would break. It was so painful for me to have to try to find excuses for him as I could never tell her the real reason (he was stoned or drunk). She is now almost 9 and she worships him. He recently started seeing a girl who lives about an hour away and wants to take my daughter there and I put my foot down. He was supposed to pick her up for their normal weekend together and at the last minute called and said he was going to back until the next day; I was so mad I told him to forget it and just come next week. And I have finally decided that I am not going to make excuses for him anymore; I have been doing it for 8 years and it is time for him to step up and make his excuses himself. I would recommend that you talk very seriously with your ex and make him aware that he has to take responsibility for his daughter or stay out of her life for good. If all he can manage is phonecalls then he should stick to that and not confuse her. And I agree with what one of the other moms said about not badmouthing your ex to your kids but also, don't lie for him. Children adjust to new situations very quickly at her age and as long as she has one loving stable parent in her life she will thrive. As she gets older she will see her father for the person he really is, either a good guy or a complete jacka**! Its really up to him how he wants his children to think of him and your job is to love and care for your kids with or without help from him. You can do it, all you need is to have faith in your ability to manage without him and you will be fine. Good luck and stay strong!

How heart breaking. i'm sure your daughter has alot of questions.
i know with my son who isn't 3 1/2 yet, just when my husband goes to work before my son wakes up, my son will ask for him when he wakes up and cries when he's not here. saying we have to get in the van and go to his office and tell him to come home. so i can't imagine the pain you must feel listening to your daughter ask about her dad and missing him. i wish i had some suggestions to give you. with my son i hold him and let him cry(i never tell him not to cry) and i tell him 'i know i'm sad too daddy isn't here all day long' but i also get to tell him that we'll see him tonight. which isn't the case with your situation. but i let him cry and work thru his feelings and then he realizes and says 'i calmed myself down' once he stops crying. i praise him for calming himself down.
but what you should tell your daughter and how detailed of the situation you should tell her i wish i knew. have you maybe looked into a child counselor for her or someone for yourself that could help you figure out the best way to go about it?
i do know you don't want to talk badly about her daddy infront of her. or give her too much information that isn't appropriate for her age. i know with my sister, her son's dad and her were never married or together once my nephew was born. but.. she did try to not say bad things about him in front of her son and let her son figure out on his own(when he got older 12 or so) what his dad was all about. it was painful to watch because my nephew would be sad that his dad didn't call him back etc. my nephew is now 21 and still working on his relationship with his dad. he just said a few weeks ago..'he doesn't call me back. i'm always having to call him'
i'm sure there will be someone on here that has some great advice.
counseling doesn't have to be expensive. there are places you can go that is adjusted to your income.
good luck. please keep us posted.

The best learning tool is experience. As she gets older she will see for herself. My husband's daughter lives in Utah and even though he talks to her every weekend and sends cards, gifts etc. he still gets told by the mom that he isn't trying to be a part of her life. He visited in 2003 and we then visiting in 2004. However, we had another child and moved into a bigger house. On top of that he has had a lot of heart problems and medical bills are terrible! We haven't been able to go out there. He asked to have her visit and we would pay for the tickets but we got a lot of excuses as to why she couldn't come. Eventually she will see that her daddy is trying his hardest. By telling her the truth and keeping your opinions out of it she will learn. Too many parents end up projecting their own feelings toward the other parent onto their children.
What about meeting him halfway? My ex-boyfriend use to meet his ex halfway between Texas and NE to pickup and dropoff their son. They'd even eat at a local restaraunt together for an hour maybe.

As with the Dr. oath, First do no harm. In other words do not bad mouth the father, it will be hard because children are Jahova God's gift to women as sounding boards. But let your children know that their dad loves them in every way and support their love for him even if it hurts. Children are so very resialint and they can cope and adjust easier then your child's psychologist would like you to believe, but you have to be a parent you have to step outside your needs and wants and realize these two kids need you more then ever and you now are playing a double role.
Good luck and join a single parent networking site on Yahoo or something

Hi A.,
I am a chid of divirce whos father had a new family as well. All you can really do is tell her that mom and dad have some problems that they cant fix and daddy has another baby with another lady. And sometimes he cant see her as much but he still loves her just as much as before. She is still going to be hurt and somewhat confused but it wont be as hard. You ex needs to reassure her by calling and things like that alot. My dad didnt and that hurt evin more. But please stress to your kids its not their fault. No matter what happens she will know you love her and will always be there. I sure do about my mom. I have 2 kids of my own mow and my oldest her father has never evin seen her but thank goodness I have a husband who loves her like his own. If you ever want to chat more you can email me at ____@____.com luck and all my best wishes to you and your kids