Ok. The living arrangments at my inlaws have changed and now my mil doesnt have a ride 2 work n e more. They live 45 mins one way from me and what makes me the maddest is im not even asked. My husband says I have 2 take her 2 work and he didnt even ask me. I love them but I dont want 2 be a taxi. I have a 3 yr old that doesnt like the car as it is and I want sum advice as to how to just do and not be mad about it. I dont make my husband do n e thing he doesnt want to and I guess im just being a brat about it but man! Any encouragment? Thx so much ladies!
Edit- she doesnt know how 2 drive and no intentions on learning! Idk, I havnt done these kinds of things for my sisters but am just expected 2 do this.
I left my house at 830 this morn and got back at 1120. It wont happen again they can say what they want! Thank yall so much 4 reassuring me I wasnt jus being a baby about it. She gave me 20 bucks which filled it 2 half a tank but my day is shot! O and my husband knows im pissed so he hasnt called me all day. She needs 2 move closer 2 her job and thats all there is 2 it. His family-him included dont take into consideration my daughter or the wear and tear and it makes me mad. Thank u again 4 yalls input and the foots coming dwn on this one! Now it will be all my fault if she doesnt get 2 work and I dont care! Hugs 2 all of u lovely ladies out there!
Man, i am kind of in the same situation, but i just dont answer the phone, and no way in hell would i do that.. im sorry. she is gonna have to take the bus, or something.. I couldnt do it if I were you, maybe once in a while, but it wouldnt be expected from me, i would have to want to do it.
Hi,
I could see if your hubby wanted you to take her and she was like 15 min away, but 45??? That is crazy. I think that his request is crazy-- its too far and you shouldn't expect your child to have to ride for 2hrs in the car every day that you take her to work. Tell your husband that you won't do it. Look up bus schedules for her or tell her how to contact the bus system to get a schedule. If she doesn't drive and isn't willing to learn,she can take the bus.
Stand your ground. You are not being unreasonable about this--- they are!
Molly
The abbreviations/short cuts make your post a bit hard to read.
If you are suppose to take her to work, how does she get home?
A 45 min drive and back home again every day is a lot of expense in fuel, wear and tear on the car and if your child is prone to car sickness (my son was at that age - he out grew it as he got older), this whole deal doesn't sound very workable to me for very long.
If your MIL is elderly, does she qualify for any seniors transportation which might get her to work? Can she pay to get in on a car pool? Can she move closer to work or to somewhere where she can take a bus? If she's not that elderly, there's no excuse for her to hobble herself and inconvenience everyone around her by refusing to learn to drive.
Commuting to/from work is something many places have various ways to deal with. See what you can find for her here:
http://erideshare.com/carpool.php?dstate=AZ
"I can do this for 1 more week, and then I can't do it anymore hon. You're going to have to figure something else out."
Period. End of discussion. You get some leeway to find an alternative method, but then I'm done. Finis.
You're not being a brat about 2-3 hours of your day being completely preempted. 45 minutes each way + time to get toddler ready + recovery when you get home + not being able to make or follow through with any plans during that 2-3 hour period.
is she paying you for gas?
Would it be possible for her to just borrow your car until they can make other arrangements?
You NEED to show your Husband this and all the responses you get back.
I say... NO way.
45 minutes one-way... plus traffic... and then to go back home... is one and a half hours... just being on the road driving. And actually it will probably be more like 2+ hours... just to be her Taxi. And what about how will she go home????
PLUS with a 3 year old.
PLUS your Husband did not even have the decency to ask you, first.
No way.
I at one time, was taking my Hubby to work. He usually car-pools with my Mom. My Mom lives with us, they both work in the same area. So it is common sense, they do this. Car-pool. Which your MIL can do TOO.
Anyway, so when I was taking my Hubby to work.... it took 1+ hours, round-trip. That is how long it took.... in traffic, driving or idling... or just stuck in traffic. My son, who is 4.... HATED being in the car, that long. He HATED it and would tell my Husband "Daddy! I HATE being in the car... its too long... why can't Grandma drive you...." and it was a super unpleasant car ride with a 4 year old constantly complaining about the car ride.
Another thing is... we wasted over 2 hours, in the mornings, every weekday morning... just driving him to work and coming back home. Because, BEFORE we even drove him to work, I had to take my daughter to school, first. So that added even more time being just in the car, driving or stuck in traffic.
All of this, took a TON of gas... and wear and tear on our car. And, by the time we took my Husband to work... my son would be all so irked... and then on the way home, just too darn irked and tired from sitting in the car for that long... that I couldn't even run errands with him on the way home... without him totally having a melt-down. His 'patience' had been reached... at his limit.... just having to be in the car for over 1 hour.
AND... because of my having to take my Hubby to work... I then had to rearrange ALL of my morning appointments and my children's appointments. Too. NOT fair.
Anyway, it was really... an unpleasant ride for me.... too. And my son. And my daughter who then had to wake up earlier and go to school earlier... than usual... so that we could take my Hubby to work.
I took him to work... because, he simply had a childish whim that he didn't want to ride with my Mom... because she put the radio on too loud!
Anyway... I say, no way.
Tell Hubby.
Tell your MIL.
And make sure... they do NOT make you the fall-guy or the scape goat.
Even if MIL did pay for gas.... (which she should), that to me, is still an outrageous expectation... that you are being expected to do.
Your everyday schedule/appointments/errands for yourself or your Son... will have to be also rescheduled around being MIL's "taxi driver".... because it will take up so much time. And to me... that is really.... not fair.
Just because you are the Daughter-in-law... it does not mean you have to do that.
Just because you are the daughter-in-law... it does not mean that you have to say "how high" when they ask you to jump.
NOR should this be for forever... or whenever they say you have to do something. YOUR Husband.... should be more responsible... for HIS Mom... and helping her... himself.
I say... tell your HUSBAND to drive his own MOTHER... to work.
Period.
That is not your "job." It is his.
That is HIS RESPONSIBILITY.
Period.
It should have at least.. been discussed, with you, FIRST.
all the best,
Susan
Is there anyone at work she can car-pool with? Does you husband have any siblings that live closer so that you can each take turns?? Is there a bus she can take?
Is this just a temporary fix until your MIL finds a ride with a co worker or neighbor? And are you doing this favor just once a day or twice? And has she checked out the public bus/light rail options?
Yes, it is a long time to spend in the car for a 3 yr old unless you have videos...but that little guy needs to be running, jumping, playing, rolling around, just being a boy. It's important for his own brain and body development.
I think if you can manage to help them until they find a more suitable ride, then yes, you might just want to take the attitude that you are helping out your family. But if this is expected day after day without an end in sight, I would be feeling very used and unappreciated and undervalued.
Which part of Phoenix do you live in? My in-laws live in Leisure World and we hired a driving service for them. I think we only pay $10 / hr. Send me a message if you would like that contact. Because with the high price of gas, $10 an hour might be cheaper for you.
