Doesn't Want Dinner

I'm going through the same thing with my son, who is 20 months old and also cutting his molars. Please let me know if you learn anything useful. I, unfortunately, have no advice except that she must not be hungry or she'd eat. Best wishes.

C.

Okay N....I'm speaking from experiece here. Do NOT start the habit of trying to fix her anything she wants to eat. Believe me, it's a nightmare to correct later.

When it's dinner time, just give her a plate of the exact same food everyone is eating. Tell her "dinner is served for the next 30 minutes so be sure you get enough food in your tummy to last you until breakfast." Do NOT give in and give her a bottle or anything else period until breakfast. If she's throws a hissy fit just tell you're sorry she's upset but that she's going to need to be upset in her room and that you'll be happy to see her face again when there's a smile on it. Later when she tells you she's starving just say "I would be hungry too if I didn't eat dinner but don't worry, breakfast will be at 7:00 a.m." Then that's it, don't discuss it anymore. This will probably get a little worse before it gets better...she will need to test and see if a bigger hissy fit gets her the results she wants. When she see's she's out of luck and none of her shenanigans are going to work, she'll start eating dinner. If not, she is not going to starve to death or get a CPS report filed if she doesn't get any food between snack and breakfast the next day. Keep this HER problem and not YOUR problem.

This is text book Love and Logic and it will work.

Good luck!

L. H

PS I'm a happily married sahm to 9 and 5 year old girls.

PSS I wasn't able to tell exactly how old your daughter is so you may have make your words simpler but still the concept is the same. "This is dinner and we're eating now take it or leave it your choice."

Does she have any good teething toys she can chew on? She may just be trying to sooth her gums Also how many hours apart is lunch and dinner and how many snacks does she eat between meals? Perhaps if she is eating alot of snacks or a late lunch you might want to cut out some of the snacks or give her a slightly smaller portion at lunch time.Another thing is how close to bedtime have you been serving dinner? If you are serving dinner fairly late it may just be tiredness and not lack of appetite.Hope this helps.
H. T.

I think if her weight is fine, she is good. Her body just currently works that way. She is eating fine at all her other meals. Actually she sounds really healthy. Wish I ate like her. I really think the doctor will tell you the same thing.

Dont let it bother you. She knows what she wants and when she wants it. If you notice any weight loss then worry. Children know when they are hungry unfortunately we cant decide this for them although we may want to. Shes getting breakfast, lunch and a snack its not like shes not eating at all. If it does bother you maybe consider buying some of the pedia sure or the like. Mine all went through the same thing. there were days when i couldnt get them to eat then there were days i couldnt stop. For piece of mind give the doctor a call.

N.-

My 19month and almost-3 are going thru a similar thing where they just pick at/ stare at dinner. So I just assume they're not hungry and take them down from the table within about 20 minutes.

Their pediatrician assures me that when they want to eat, they'll eat. All I can do is offer them healthy meals and snacks at about the same time every day so they get used to the routine.

The other thing that seems to be helping is if I make myself a small meal to eat along with them. Especially if I eat a similar meal to what is on their plate. They see mom eat steamed veggies and they decide to give it a try too.

I wouldn't worry too much over how much nutrition she's getting at dinner. If you're fixing healthy meals and snacks during the rest of the day, then one "off" meal isn't going to affect her too badly. I know it's a frustrating phase, but don't give in to the frustration. And as far as you can stand to do so, don't give into the screaming, either. It might teach her that all she has to do is start fussing at you and she'll get what she wants.

Best of luck to you!
-B. M.-

Don't be quiet so concerned about the proper nutrition for each meal--look instead at the whole day. That will take some of the pressure off both of you.

When she does start eating fix one meal and let her chose what to eat.

My son was a picky eater till he left home--whem he was 6'2"". So he definitely got enough to eat.

W.

Hi N., we went through the same phase and back then I did lots of reading, talking with specialists and etc. Well, I've been told if my son gets at least one good meal per day and a couple small ones, this is probably enough. And he used to eat good breakfast and lunch, plus an 4 pm snack and than hardly anything at dinner. Offering her more choices will only enforce the power struggle later. It looks like it already started. It is up to you to decide if you are going to offer her bottle at dinner or may be a sippy cup. I would still keep her at the table and put some dinner in front of her along with the bottle or the sippy cup. That will enforce a good habit for the future and there is a good chance that sometimes she will decide to "model" what mommy and daddy are doing. At the moment just let her play with the food and don't worry about the mess. This is just another milestone to complete. And don't pick up anything from the floor until she is done, she might turn it into a game and than you will be in another trouble. To save your floors put a mat under her chair or just a plastic table cloth from a dollar store. And if you want to enforce another good habit - don't give her anything after dinner. Wait for the before bed time snack if you do that. Soon she will learn that dinner is the time to eat. Hope I was helpful. Good luck!

Try diluting her bottles with half water, so that they aren't so filling. Don't fix her all those meals; save yourself! Maybe just offer something like applesauce, and if she's not interested don't make a deal/power struggle out of it. I wouldn't worry if she's eating her other meals well. As they get older they go through growth spurts; when they're not growing as much they are not always as hungry.

Hi N.,

My daughter does the same thing sometimes. As long as she's eating well at other times of the day, I wouldn't worry about it. You could try to cut out the afternoon snack, or make it smaller or less filling, and then she might be hungrier for dinner. Milk in itself is a "mini-meal", and if she doesn't want dinner with it, perhaps a whole-grain muffin or cereal with it as a pre-bed time snack will appeal more.

Good luck!

I agree 100% with Lisa H.!

Way to go, Lisa. Good luck, Noami!

I wouldn't worry about it. If she is getting in a good breakfast, lunch and snack then she is probably getting enough nutrition. My doctor said kids will not get in all they need each day but they balance out over a few week period. My daughter goes through this occasionally too. It is usually less than a week with her but it happens once every couple months. Sometimes it is dinner she won’t eat, and just wants milk other times it is dinner. I would just give her the bottle at night while she wants it. This will change soon, don't fight it. The milk has lots of calories and good stuff too.

My daughter does/did exactly the same thing. After I talked to her pediatrician, I was completely put at ease. Kids will eat when they are hungry and won't when they are not, which is healthy. Skipping an evening meal is very very common. Kids get most of their nutrition during the day from healthy snacks and meals. Now this is all being said with the premise that your daughter is in the normal growth range for her age. If she is, then don't worry too much.
Replacing milk for dinner (which most kids try to do this) isn't a great habit. There is enough nutrition in milk, but it fills them up different.
You could start replacing all her day time bottles with sippy cups and use the bottle only at bed time. I am not sure what stage you are at, but around one, we did that to my daughter. We didn't get rid of the going to bed bottle until almost 16 months. And we too replaced that one with a sippy cup. I love finally being bottle free.
Anyhow, here is what I did when my daughter did the same thing. - maybe it will help you too.
Have dinner at the same time (or as close as possible) and try and sit with her each time. Only offer food, no milk. If she doesn't want to eat, let her down (without milk). Try again in 15 mins. If same thing happens, then let her down again. (without giving the milk). Then if after 15 mins, she is still asking for the bottle, offer it to her in a sippy cup instead. Eventually they begin to disassociate the milk with dinner. Now with that being said, my daughter still begs for milk with dinner, however, I give her just a small amount in a sippy cup. My daughter still does not eat a great dinner. Heck, last night she only ate 4 green beans and yelled all done. We tried to give her a night time snack about 30 mins afterwards (graham crackers-which she loves) and she didn't even eat those.
So, I guess my bottom line is that if she is having normal growth and is eating healthy meals and snacks at other times, don't worry too much. Otherwise, your DR might have some good ideas to help.
Good luck.
A

If she is cutting her 1 year molars, chances are-they hurt her. Our bodies hurt more in the evening and night time than they do during the day. Stop fixing her 3 different meals if she is refusing them all. She will eat when she is hungry. If she's eating breakfast, lunch, and snacks-and then only wants whole milk with dinner, that's okay. See if she will eat yogurt before you give her the milk. Get her yogurts in a tube. Stoneyfield Farms makes yogurt (like go-gurts), but it's organic and there is less colors and dyes in it, and it's good too. She might be willing to eat something that she also has control over.
When she is done cutting teeth, she will go back to eating dinner.

I have noticed that my kids will usually eat a much larger meal in the morning or afternoon and eat almost no dinner. It drives my hubby crazy but if you look at all they ate at other meals and at snack times they have gotten alot of food. Technically dinner should be the smallest meal of the day anyways so I try not to worry about it to much. The big kids have to take at least one "no thank you bite" of everything on thier plates but I don't force them to eat.
At night my kids always get a small helping of fresh fruit and then they brush teeth and head to bed. I figure, we all like a snack before bed, so this was a healthy version of that habit that I was willing to start.
My youngest never wanted solids when she was cutting teeth, she only wanted to nurse. Everyone kept telling me how odd that she was because most kids don't want to nurse because it hurts more to suck. Whatever the case, from 9 1/2 months (first tooth) until we weaned at 13 months, whenever she started to cut another tooth she would go on a solids strike.
I would always have her sit with us at the table for each meal and put some food in front of her with her sippy though. This way she knew it was meal time.
I would try to stop offering her a lot of different meals though, because she will get to the point that she is refusing to eat due to food preferences, and you'll be stuck cooking tons of different foods to please her (learned this with my older 2 the hard way).
I am not lecturing, just sharing what it took me a long time to figure out!! :o)
Good luck and try not to worry.....it stinks and I am sure I am repeating everyone when I say she will eat when she is hungry.