Does Not Want to Go to Kindergarten....

I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to say thanks for this post. My son just started kindergarten also. They started Aug 25th he has done fine except for this morning..he threw a fit and did NOT want to go, he was trying to make himself sick so he didn't have to, you are not alone.
Thanks again for the post i am excited for the advice.

My son went through something like this when he was young. It may be separation anxiety. Some children are more sensitive to changes. I mentioned it to his teacher so that she was aware of it. He told me later that she talked to him the first day and told him that when she is nervous about something new, she takes a few deep breaths and slowly lets the air out - which is a great relaxation exercise for anyone. That seemed to help him relax and gave him some control. He ended up really liking that teacher as the year went by, and I had a lot of respect for the fact that she showed him she was human by admitting that she sometimes gets nervous too.

Yes- my little one has always loved going to school, but for some reason since starting K, she just wants to be home with me. I had to carry her kicking and screaming onto the bus one day. Since then, we started "Gracie Bucks". We made pretend money which she earns for all sorts of good behavior, including getting on the bus and going to school without a fight. Of course she is debited for bad behavior. She uses the Gracie bucks for things she wants (which incidentally I was buying anyway). This has been a huge incentive and we have not had trouble since. I also try not to make it sound like her little brother and I are having any fun while she's gone.

I have had the same problem with my son, part of his problem is I think he is bored.... but anyway, I started a sticker chart, if he goes to school without a fuss, he gets a sticker and then if he has all his stickers at the end of the week, he gets a reward I for us it was as simle as a dollar after hockey practice to play games, but you would use whatever works for you. I hope this helps. You can also, read the book the Kissing Hand, I am not sure who it is by, I just lent our copy to one of my son's classmates who is having the same problem, it is a great story about going to school, and the mom leaves a kiss in his hand to stay with them all day. It is about a raccoon. We used it for my daughter in preschool. Let me know if it helps. Good luck, I know how you feel!!!

HI. My son just started K this year to (about 3 weeks ago). After about a week and a half, he said that he didn't want to go. I asked why and he said it was b/c he NEVER got picked to hold the flag. There are 19 kids in his class and I'm sure the teacher takes fair turns. Point is: it could just be some silly little thing like that. Get her engaged in an activity and see if she won't open up more about it. Kids often talk more when they're busy with another activity.
Do you think she's just realizing that school will be a fact of life for the next 12+ years? Good luck. It will most likely pass. I kept telling my son that it would get "funner and funner" each day!
Does she have friends in the class? My son only knew O. kid and I would tell him to learn the name of someone new each day. Then I worked those names into conversation so it would seem more familiar.

My best advice would be to talk to the teacher. I am sure she is not the first student nor the last to feel this way. Plus maybe she can shed some light on things that have been going on in the classroom that might be causing this distress. She can also tell you how she acts once you leave. She might be perfectly fine once you're gone.

My only other thought is this...do you often give into her? I've seen some kids manipulate their parents until they get tired of it and just give in. If she is that type of child then she may be relentless hoping you won't make her go. Then it will be a long year for you.

Good luck!

Is your Kindergarten all day? My daughter did this during transitional first grade. It was just the first year it was all day and it was a long and tired day. I spoke with her teacher about it and here is some advice she gave me. Send a few pictures from home of her parents, siblings, pets, and maybe even her favorite stuffed bear. Then when she is missing you she will have those to look at. Also promise to do a fun activity when she gets home like play dough or painting or going for a hike. When she first arrives home, set aside some special time just for her. I, also give my daughter some extra time in the morning before she goes to school to do things at home. I get her up over an hour before we leave. That way she has some time to play with her things or snuggle with her blanket and M. before school. I hope this helps. I know you are struggeling with your emotions as much as she is. It will get better.

You have really gotten some great responses.
It sounds to me that the novelty of school has just worn off. It was fun at first but now, ... is this all the fun there is?? kind of thing.
I would suggest just telling your daughter that going to school is Non-negotiable, but that you would be more than willing to address a specific issue with her and come up with some solutions, if say, she is not making friends, or if she doesn't feel like she ever gets picked to be line leader etc.
My girlfriend's daughter will get hysterical over things and instead of just addressing it matter of factly, the mom gets frantic trying to understand the problem and then convince the girl that she shouldn't feel the way she does about it, and basically arguing with the little girl about it, all done in a very very emotional way. I think my friend thinks she's being sympathetic and understanding of her little girl but when the daughter is so emotional, I personally think she respones best to someone calmer.
Definatley talk privately to the teacher when your daughter isn't around. Tell your daughter she has no choice but that there are some good things about school. and when she clings, just peel her off with no emotion, tell her you love her and go --quickly. Maybe promise some fun activity you can do together after school. but don't put any conditions to it, she still gets to do it even if she had trouble separating that morning.
Sending her to school is in her best interest and you can't worry about any other parent or teacher judging you over this. Believe me all kids do embarrassing stuff sometimes. If it bothers you try to have her be the first kid dropped off at school, or maybe the last, if she's at a busstop or something.
I bet it doesn't really last long. Good luck

Do you have open communication with the teacher? Maybe you could discuss it with her. First off though I think you need to talk to your daughter. Sometimes kids can be very good at keeping things in especially if they are afraid.

Instead of giving her the pep talk tell her that for now you have to take her to school but if she wants to talk about why she doesn't want to go you are ready to listen anytime. This way you don't plant any ideas in her head that she may use as excuses to not go. Also it allows her to open up.

I found out only at the end of one school year that my sons teacher yelled a lot. He would come home grumpy and I just thought he was tired and hungry. The teacher wasn't yelling anything mean just got frustrated and had grumpy days. She finally retired this year. My son is just really sensitive to yelling.

So, its worth giving your daughter a chance to speak out but don't push her.

Kindergarten can be a big deal. Did she go to preschool and if so for how long? I know that my son had the same issues the first week of pre school every year, but had so many friends he forgot about it after the first week or so. Once kindergarten came, it was a no brainer (he got to ride the bus and lots of other cool things). Did you have a meeting with the teacher and did you get to meet her beforehand? It was very helpful of my school to have kindergarten orientation where the kids had a tour of the whole school, met their teachers, saw their desks, the teachers talked about what they would be doing and they even got a bus safety lesson getting on and off a bus parked outside that evening. We live in a rural area, but I know several of my friends whose kids had separation issues found this really helpful--especially meeting the teacher. I didn't have this problem personally because my twins were eager to hit school (even pre-school) and my son went to K at the pre-school where he had gone for a couple years and already knew all the teachers, the building, etc. Once he went to 1st at this new school he was totally excited. If you have friends in the neighborhood with older children, you'll find one or two of them with kids who needed help for K, use them as a resource.

Is it truly mandatory that she go? Do you stay home or can you make arrangements for her to spend her days elsewhere (grandma's house, a favorite aunt, etc.)?

In PA, the compulsory school age does not start until 8 (I don't know if you're in PA, though). Most states, it's 6. So if she's only 5, maybe give her another year.

I imagine she's seen that school is, in fact, NO fun at all. Lying & telling her it's going to be SO much fun I think causes more harm than good b/c the truth is that school sucks on too many levels to mention. Having to ask when to pee, being in trouble for talking when an idea hits, marching in a straight, quiet line, often getting in trouble for things that seem extremely random, etc. Going from the freedom to follow your own body's desires (bathroom when needed, eating or drinking when needed) to having to ask permission and being denied until it's more convenient for someone else is NOT fun. It's also not mandatory in order to achieve a decent life - many, many people are waking up to this fact and are homeschooling or, in my opinion, better yet, unschooling. I'd encourage you to respect your daughter by having a dialogue about why she suddenly dislikes school, offering to help her with whatever she identifies and, if that doesn't help, consider pulling her out until next year (or until never again!). School isn't for everyone regardless of how much the system tries to crush out the individual to create a mindless follower.

Talk to her teacher to find out if there was anything that he/she saw at school that would explain this change in your daughter.

Hi BF,

Here is a web site:

http://www.crisiscounseling.com/Articles/
FirstDaySchool.htm

Hope this helps. D.

this happened to my son last yr he was being picked onon the bus and in class went from loving to hating,,once i got out of him the problem i was able to work with teachers and bus driver to make better...talk to her and listen carefully to the things she says!!!

Talk to the teacher and principal. that is part of there job and i am sure they can do magic finding something that will turn that frown upside down for both of you.
My baby start kindergarten this year also rally excited the first few days and here the past few days lacking motivation to get up in the morning. I guess the birds have not been at her window in the morning lately.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Kel

Is homeschooling an option for you?

I certainly can empathize with you! My son had a very difficult time going off to kindergarten. He is now 26 and is very well adjusted :) So don't worry too much! Anyway, It did turn into a pattern where we had a struggle every morning getting him into the class room. Once I was gone his teacher said he clamed down and was fine. There were no particular reasons why he didn't want to go, I think he just wanted to stay home with me! The way I handled it was the same as you seem to be doing. Made sure there was no one thing or things that were frightening him, and reassured him that it would be fun and that he would make new friends. Once he did make some new friends it became easier and when I found out who the friends were I made arrangements with one of their Mom's to meet in front of the school in the mornings, the boys walked in together and he was ok for the rest of the year. It stared again at the beginning of 1st grade but only for a couple of weeks until he again became acclimated. My son had always been very outgoing, bright and imaginative. He made friends easily but Kidergarden was a big step. As a very little guy he had always had a bit of a separation issue but we had no problems after the first couple of days at nursery school so I had forgotten about it. So when it started in kindergarten it really surprised me and made me feel terribly guilty (he was my first). I hope this helps a bit...Good luck.

Has she ever had difficulty before? My son had a similar situation and never had a problem with preschool, it turned out that a lot of the kids in the class were very aggressive and the classroom environment was stressful for him. We switched schools and I noticed a difference immediately. If this is her first time to school (no prior preschool or pre-k) it could just be that she is having difficulty with the big transition. I would definitely talk to her about it as well as the teachers. Unfortunately, in my experience, the teachers are not always willing to fess up that there may be a problem that they are not controlling in their classroom. Don't assume that the teacher is always right if your childs description of her day is different than the teacher's perception. Good luck.

the only advice i can give you and trust me this can be reason b/c i dealt with it with my daughter last year in first grade - keep an eye on it - and if it doesnt/ get better then take her to the dr and have her tested for strep - yes strep throat - some kids react in an "anxiety" or "depression" or "acting out" or "panic attacks" when they get the strep virus - again same thing with my daughter - she is very bright, usually very well behaved- c0uldn't ever tell me "why" she didnt' want to go to school - that type thing -

keep us posted - if you want to talk further abotu other symptoms - email me directly: ____@____.com

S. w

Something probably upset her.Either a child or maybe the teacher .it may not even have been directed toward her but observed.Sometimes the best way to find out is to ask her key questions.Of various parts of the day .Then they will remember certain things and start tallking.If you get anything out of her let her know that you will work things out together.
my son always got nervous before school.he was worried that something would gp wrong so we use to talk out the scenerios and just before I left him I would tell him it is going to be a great day.
She may also be missing you alot as the day wears on and now is thinking about it before schoolday starts Leave her a funny note in her lunch bag.
When my son was younger before he got on the school bus we had a secret sign language that said I love you and as the bus was passing we kept it up until we were out of sight.
You may also want to let the teacher know . GOOd Luck!!

Maybe you should talk with her teacher to see if anything is going on in the classroom. Maybe someone is hurting her feelings or maybe is is having a hard time with something. Also maybe you should sit down with her and ask her why she doesn't want to go now since there wasn't a problem in the begining. Some kids have a hard time letting go and it comes out in the beginging or after sometime but I would try my hardest to find out what it is. Also ask the teacher once you leave if she calms down and gets going with the class. Hope it works out for you. My daughter was horrible the first day but after that it got better than great. Good Luck R. C

Hi! The same thing has been happening with my son who started preschool 2weeks ago. He is four and this is his first experience in a school setting. He did surprisingly well the first week but this past week has not been so great.The I don't want to go's are every morning and he cries every morning when I drop him off. Like you said I know that every thing is okay at school,it's a great preschool with awesome teachers. Sooo, I'd like some advice too but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in this. I kind of just feel like the "honeymoon" has worn off ya know? Leah

I am currently going through a similar situation. My 4 1/2 son transferred to a new preschool and was doing well for the past 3 weeks but started with clinging and crying when I dropped him off. The teacher's tried to tell me that he was just going through a transition and that the excitement of the new place had worn off but I knew that was not my son. The night of the incident we had a talk when I was putting him to sleep to see if I could determine if it was that he just missed his old school and friends or if there was another issue. Apparently there is a child in his class that is pushing other children and had pushed him as well. My son is smaller and a very sensitive child. If he sees anyone else getting hurt, he gets upset. So we talked through the situation and discussed why the other child was doing those actions and what he could do if it were to happen again. Of course I contacted the teacher and we discussed what needed to be done at school and I am actively looking into some self defense classes to help with his confidence. I recommend listening to your daughter because she is trying to tell you that there is a problem there - another child, a teacher, an incident that scared her? Good luck.