Does Anyone Else Have Children with AHDH or ADD?

My son has it too, we are not yet of an age of homework, he was diagnosed at 4 and is currently in a prek that specifially woks with kids like him (all special needs) to prepare them for kindergarden. We are going to do his IEP for kindergarden next week and see what goals he can accomplish this year (he has come SO far) and what we can focus on next year. If your son's school is not yet helping with the Adhd/Add issues then you need to contact the special ed department - have them evaluate, have their doctors confirm diagnosis' and get the support there. Oh the support is WONDERFUL!!!! It sounds like you have three (oldest/middle) kids and the older two have the challenges - well, I would work on a new schedule/routine that centers around everyone having some alone time with mom and alone time on their own as well as group time. If the boys like to be physical (typical in adhd and boys in general) then I would give them a special place in the house where that can be done with few limitations - this way when they are getting physical in a not appropriate place you can say "take it to the (insert place here)" or "boys that is for the (insert here) save it for later" if they HAVE to get it out now tell them the have 5 min - pull over the car and deal with it. Our children need a different approach - if it seems odd it may be just right!

Oh boy. Honey, I can commiserate. I have a child with Autism and ADD, among other developmental and health concerns, who is 9 years old. My eldest daughter, J who is 11 years old, was recently officially diagnosed with ADHD. She's also ODD (Oppositionally Defiant, which is just a personality thing and will actually work well for her as an adult woman).

J sounds a lot like your son. It's a daily struggle, but we're in the process of figuring things out through a 504 at school to help her with her studies and homework. The girl is brilliant and scores in the top 3-10% on state mastery tests. She gets A's without trying, but homework is a constant battle and doesn't handle transitions well. She has a lot of difficulty with authority and believes herself to be equal to virtually all authority figures, and that rules don't apply to her the way they do to other people. That's typical of ODD kids. Since I first felt her flutters in my belly at 13 weeks, she hasn't stopped moving. Since her first words at 6 or 7 months old, she hasn't stopped talking. She was saying 3 word sentences at 9 and 10 months. She was doubling that at a year old. She's still "the girl who talks SO MUCH!" She wants to try everything but never has time for anything. She can't focus, interrupts a lot, can't even finish a meal without being redirected.

She's always been like this. I'm strict but allow a lot of natural consequences to occur. I do enact punishments when appropriate, and do not allow disrespect at any time. I set her up to succeed as much as possible and don't allow for her to make excuses, even with the ADHD, so when she fails, she fails on her own. When she behaves inappropriately, there are consequences.

I've made sure not to have contradictory rules in the house. We have established rules that all of the girls know and understand. We have established consequences for many rules, like being disrespectful, hitting, kicking, hurting someone or the cats intentionally. Most other rules do have natural consequences. If you don't help get your laundry to me, you'll run out of clothes. If you don't bathe, you're going to either have to bathe late in the evening and lose sleep so that you go to school groomed or get up extra early and lose sleep. If you don't hand in your school work, you get poor grades. If you don't do chores that contribute to the household and someone else has to do it, you're then responsible for that person's chores the next day.

We also have removal of privileges for repeat offenses when it seems that the typical consequence isn't having an affect. I follow through every time. No matter how much she tests me, I follow through.

Yes, our oldest has ADHD-combined type. I know just how frustrating and exhausting the day can be, so know you're not alone.

I know you want your boys to help create a peacefulness, but I'm not sure that's a reasonable expectation with ADHD in the household. ADHD, even when well managed, makes life difficult.

Have you considered therapy for you and your husband? We went to see our son's therapist once when the stress of our son's condition became too overwhelming. It was so helpful to switch the focus on to us and how ADHD was affecting us as people and a couple.

Also, don't make excuses for your husband's poor behavior and mean comments. He should not be yelling at you. If he says, "What do you have to be stressed about?" I would go to your room, shut the door and let him manage the boys on his own. He needs a wake-up call.

Do you belong to CHADD? If not, you might consider joining and going to local meetings. Connecting with other parents dealing with ADHD is critical.

Best of luck to you with all you have on your plate.

Men just don't get it-after we have the children-we just need money, a few kind words and a staff. And yes-everyone has ADD when they are disinterested. I'm sorry about your Mother-in-law and how it is weighing on your family-I sense your husband's frustration because he cannot "fix" everything-nonetheless-please ask him never to yell at you -especially in front of the children-they will do the same to their wives and their daughters will come to expect it from their husbands , and so on.

Oh my. I only have 1 with ADHD (okay...2 if you count my husband) and it's hard - really hard. I can't imagine having 2 kids with it.

First - why are they fighting? We don't tolerate that in our house. Fighting in our house has consequences - typically extra chores. Usually I make them do the chores together so they have to work together. Sometimes I make them walk the dog together. Does it take 2 to walk the dog? Most certainly not, but it gives me some peace and quiet to analyze what's happening, and they typically come back smiling and laughing and have worked out whatever the problem is on their walk.

Has your son seen a counselor for his ADD? It can really be helpful. It may also be helpful for you and your husband to see one. A counselor can give you some tips on dealing with ADD and helping the kids to develop coping mechanisms.

Is your child/children medicated for their ADD? I know many oppose this, but it truly can bring family harmony. ADD is a neurological condition. I would no sooner leave this untreated than a heart condition. You are doing your child and your family a favor to consider medication if you haven't already done so. If you've done oral meds, and haven't liked them, have you tried the new patch? Our son likes that better (though most days he prefers to go without any meds and now that he's 15, we give him more latitude with this than we did when he was younger.)

Your husband sounds like he has a lot on his plate. That's still no excuse for yelling at you. He needs to spend more time with the kids to realize just how exhausting and stressful that job is. I work part-time and I can tell you - my time at work is WAY EASIER than my time at home.

PM me if you have further questions. I've been dealing with this for a number of years with my son now. It will never be easy, but there are some challenges that can be overcome.