OK so I have 17 yr old stepdaughter that I think dont like the new baby. She dont have a reason to be jealous of him or anything thats why I cant understand her. She never asked to hold him, dont play with him and if he was crying she didnt bother to go get him. She used to see I was overwhelmed at times, trying to cook, see about my other daughter while tending to a crying baby all at the same time. While she's sitting in her room doing nothing but talking on the phone. She didnt do any of these things until I told her father about how she dont pick him up when he's crying. I dont know what he said to her but now she help out more. But my thing is, she didnt want to hold the baby, or play with him, comfort him when he's crying or help me out. Her dad had to make her. I dont think she like the baby or me. What do you all think?
Thanks everyone for all the comments. I would just like to say that, I dont expect her to take care of the baby. Where I come from its called family helping out family. I was just saying that I think she dont like the baby because I noticed that she voluntarily play, hold and comfort other people babies. But NEVER come near her own baby brother. She is now 18 and I have basically raised her since age 11, been married to her dad for 7 years. We have a 6 yr. old too in which she treat nicely. Any problems I have had and have with her I just let her dad handle it. Reading all of your comments have made me realize that she is alot into herself and maybe it isnt that serious. Maybe she dont realize what she's doing. She spends all her time shut up in her room on the internet and phone. She do her chores, never give me any problems so maybe I should just let it go. But I will never leave the baby with her.
No offense, but it's not her job.
She is a sibling. She is not a nanny or a babysitter.
She doesn't have to hold or feed or change the baby -- it's not her baby.
That said, maybe she didn't want to interfere. Maybe she didn't know what her role was supposed to be.
LBC
I think that in this day and age that I'd rather have a teenager NOT interested in babies than some of the travesties we see in the schools and on TV. These girls that think it is great to have a baby in high school is just sad.
My personal soapbox aside, as others have said, she DOES have a reason to be jealous and she is a teenager.
I am a firm believer that kids should help out around the house, but expecting her to be all lovey dovey with her baby brother is a little much.
i think she's 17 and in a step-family situation and you should give her a break. did you ever ask her nicely to pick up the baby and help? whatever you do do it with love and patience. she's just a kid. don't expect her to read your mind and know what you need help with. ask plainly, and nicely.
It's not her baby.
You are a step mom and she is 17. She may feel like you took dad away from her, I assume he has had custody all along.
Her life's been turned upside down. She has every reason to be jealous, a new woman has moved in on her dad and now the two of you have a new life that she wil never be part of.
How long have you known her?
Sorry but she's a teenager and it is not her baby. Why would she. Maybe she doesn't have any interest in babies. Maybe she is just a typical 17 yr old. And just maybe she is a little jealous of the other children. But she is not your built in baby carer. If you want her help maybe you should offer some incentive. Like pocket money.
Sorry give her a break.
Ummm -she's 17. It's quite a self-centered age, and it's not her baby. When I was 17, if I had a stepmother who had a new baby, I honestly would have stayed away as often as possible. I had absolutely NO interest in babies or children at that age unless I was being paid to babysit. I enjoyed seeing my little cousins and playing with them on holidays and at family reunions, but on a daily basis -no. It's nice that she is now willing to help you with him more since her dad said something -but 17 year olds are usually thinking of themselves. It probably never crossed her mind before her dad said something to help you since it's your baby.
I think that she's 17 & it's not her kid therefore not her job to volunteer. She does have a reason to be jealous and she probably doesn't like having a baby around.
Her father asked her to help and she now help- sounds like the situation is resolved.
She might not be a baby person. Me I cannot get enough of babies! I love them while my sil does not she loves her own but isnt in love with other peoples. Plus I'm sure her age has something to do with it also.
I think she is a 17 year old who is self absorbed. Most teenagers are. It's normal. She just isn't interested in the whole baby thing. It probably isn't personal to you our your baby. Although, it is worth asking what was your relationship like with her before you had the baby? How long have you been involved with her dad? I'd say she has a lot to be jealous of.. she is about to be an adult and probably moving out of the house in the next couple of years, and you are "replacing" her with a new baby. Now, that doesn't mean that she is intentionally snubbing you and the baby. She may just have NO INTEREST in the baby.
I was never big into babies or little kids either. Still am not the "baby lady" at church. I love my own, don't misunderstand, but someone else's I am not usually chomping at the bit to hold. I have teen nieces that LOVE their little baby brother. But they just naturally tend to love little kids. It is their personality. One actually (a junior in high school) is planning to have a career in special education for LD kids.
It doesn't sound like your SD has that personality. And that is fine. Yes, it would be nice for her to jump in and help you, but it isn't HER baby, so unless you ask (nicely) then you shouldn't have expectations. What was she required/expected to do around the house BEFORE the baby was born? Did she spend a lot of time in her room on the phone then? It was probably acceptable to you then. You can't just change your expectations about her behavior overnight because you had a baby. What have you done to foster a relationship with her and the baby? At her age, most teens would see taking care of a baby as a "babysitting job", not as something to do for their own fun/enjoyment. More of a chore. Has she been required to do chores up until now?
I gotta agree with some of the other posts that maybe she just isn't a baby person. I love my kids but really am not over the top excited to hold other people's babies/kids...I never have been.
We've had two of our teen nieces live with us & one is a baby person one is not. If I was feeling overwhelmed with getting dinner, etc... I would ask one of them to grab the baby & play with her or finish up dinner for me (they are eating too so they needed to help with something). Other than that I didn't really ask for their help; they (the nieces) are my kids cousins not their caretakers. If you need a hand - ask her nicely to either help by playing with the baby for a few minutes or get plates on the table etc...
Hope you find something that works for you!
Have you taken a few minutes to talk to her about helping out? Ask her if she would please help and be specific on what you need her to help with. Doesn't always need to be the baby. it could be cooking or laundry or playing with the younger sibling.
She might not really understand her role in your lives now and it is easier for her to go to her room than get in the way. She may feel uncomfortable holding the baby, not knowing just what to do to calm him.
You stated her Dad had to make her help out. There is nothing wrong with you talking to her and going over a few things to show her what you need help with and then teaching her!
Some people don't like children as much as others. My sister is 17 and she wanted nothing to do with my daughter (her niece). My Brother on the other hand always wants to play with her etc... Maybe she just isn't a kid person, and she shouldn't have to look after her sibling. But she should have certain chores that she is responsible for, which could help you alot!
I have a 13 year old girl and she helps me with her 2.5 sister "IF" I ask her to, other way she probably would be doing things that she likes to do like drawing, reading or watching her self in the mirror, lol.
I don't agree that teens shouldn't help with the babies, I don't see it as: They are not the parents so they shouldn't have to" I see it as "We are a family and we help each other".
Od course I never stop my daughter from doing things she need to do (like homework, shower, volleyball practice or even if she is on the phone with a friend) and she doesn't change diapers, give showers or things like that, but she can:
-Play with her
-Server her a drink of juice or milk
-Teach her stuff (which she gets lots of pride about it)
I don't think your teen doesn't like you or your baby (then again I don't live in your house and don't know the whole situation) but I know teens are very into there selfs and many times will not even notice you need help or think we (moms) are like super women and never need help, yes even if you have a baby in one hand, a broom in the other and a dust pan in your mouth.
Thumbs up to your husband for talking to her daughter, thumbs up for you for letting him take care of it, thumbs up for your teen for start helping you!
What type of relationship do you have with your stepdaughter? What was the relationship with before the baby? Has it changed since the baby was born?
I think she's being a normal teenage girl. Did you ask her for help? Maybe she doesn't like babies? Does she know how to take care of the baby? It's not her baby. It's yours. It's not her responsibility to take care of the baby. It's yours.
Why are things different now that Dad talked to her? Ask your husband what he said to her.
i have a 2 yr old and 3 young adult kids here is the division one cant live without him and is overjoyed to babysit. one will babysit and help with bro but no more than necessary. one will only play with him occasionally. now they do get paid to babysit a teenager is just that they need to be a kid. so you cant force your baby on her. some kids deal well with them some dont. she is a teenager and all teenagers are self absorbed. young adults mostly are too. she is just being a typical teenager dont take offense to it. kids will be kids and nothing you say or do can change that if you force the baby on her she will wind up resenting the baby. let her be a kid and it will come in time. my youngest only wants to play with him nothing more. my oldest acts like his daddy. just let it be what it is time will change this some people dont deal well with babies and wont have anything to do with them till they are older like my bro and once they are old enough they wont "break" he rough houses the tar out of them. people are individuals give her the chance to be her own person.
My oldest is 15 and my youngest is 10 months. My teenager is over the moon about the baby. She loves to hold her, share snacks with her, play with her etc. However, they both have the same mother and father. When I was 17 my father was married to a different woman. If she had a baby I would probably not have had anything to do with the baby. Besides the fact that she is 17, and its not her baby, her dad went and made another child with another woman. That in itself is bound to build resentment and jeolousy.
That's too bad that she doesn't help with the baby. It isn't her baby. Maybe she can help doing other things so that you are free to tend to the baby. She is old enough to cook at least one meal a week. If it is spaghetti, she can cook enough to last two days and there fore you don't have to cook two nights.
I wouldn't want her tending to my baby if she didn't like the child. maybe in time she will get better. She sounds like a moody teen.
