Do Your Kids Hang with Other Kids from School?

Updated on March 02, 2011
R.D. asks from Richmond, VA
12 answers

My school age daughters are 5 and 7 (K and 1st grade), and it dawned on me... they never ask to hang out with kids from school. That's kind of okay with me, in a selfish kind of way, because I don't know/get along with 99% of the parents of the children in their classes. My girls only want to play/have sleepovers with MY friends kids... And we are blessed that our children and our best friends children get along *beautifully*. Is it weird that my kids don't want to play with any of the kids from school? Or is that age appropriate? I don't want to feel like they're 'missing out' by not playing with their classmates outside of school, but I'm not going to be the one to bring it up! (or should I??) I'm sure this will change as they get older, but for right now, I'm not so sure. My 7 year old is very outgoing and has no problem making friends, but my 5 year old is on the shy side and I wonder sometimes if she NEEDS that additional social interaction, even if it's a little outside her comfort zone. Just wondering what YOUR thoughts were, and what your children do :)

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So What Happened?

@ Jennifer, no bad vibes, I just stay mum :)

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B.B.

answers from New York on

That sounds normal to me. My kiddos are young, but my niece and nephew just started hanging out with friends from school...they are in 3 and 5 grade. Before that, they never really mentioned sleepovers or doing things with other kids other than their cousins.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

R.:

My boys hang out with MAYBE 4 kids from their school. That's it. We go to after-school activities (LEGO Club, Science, etc.) but overall - we DO NOT hang out with the other families....only a select few.

You are FINE and in MY opinion this is NORMAL. They are not missing out on friends they - if they truly connected with friends from school - they would ask if they could come over...

You might find things changing in middle and high school. But then - you really need to know the parents and the kids - in MY OPINION so they stay on the straight and narrow!

2 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

I think it's fine. I'm sure they have friends that they hang out with at school on the playground - if they don't, then that might be a problem.

Kids today are so scheduled, I'm not suprised that no one is really interested in doing something after school or on the weekends because it's the parents that have to coordinate it - especially at this age.

As they get older, they'll probably want more school friends.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I think as long as they have kids they talk to in school, it's okay if they are only "school friends" and not "at home" friends. You say they play with other kids they know. I don't remember how many friends my stepdaughter brought home at that age, but it wasn't nearly as many as now. When she hit 10 or so...sleepovers all the time, packs of kids in the house...enjoy the quiet while you can! ;)

If you think your little one needs more interactions (she might not...my sister was always happiest with just a few good friends), consider something like a club to increase her social outlets.

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S.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

My 3 year old asks for his friends from school to come over - sleepover is the new favorite word - I encourage that, mostly because we are new to the area and don't have a bunch of friends with kids.
Your girls are fine. They socialize with the kids they want to be around. They get along with the same type of people you get along with. No surprise and nothing to worry about.

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J.S.

answers from Boston on

Yes my kids hung out with kids from school at that age. It was tough because when my oldest was in grades K-2 he went to an after-school program every day so he wasn't available for play dates, but the requests from him and from other kids were frequent. My 5 and 6 years olds (pre-K and grade 1) get together with someone from school on a weekly basis on the days that they come straight home from school, but that may be because they see their older brother and sister hanging out with their friends and want to imitate them.

If they have basic social skills and are able to play with kids their own age - as evidenced by their friendship with your friends' children - then they will probably be able to form friendships in school when they are ready without a problem. Do be careful about your own attitude towards other parents though. Hopefully you're not sending out a vibe that you don't want to get to know or already don't like the parents of their classmates, because that may make it harder for other parents to welcome your daughters into their children's social circles when they do develop an interest in spending time with classmates. Parents are the gatekeepers of their children's school friendships for many years so you will have to get to know and tolerate the other parents if you want your girls to socialize.

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Y.C.

answers from New York on

Some kids do other don't. Some just take longer. My daughter would be ok to have friends over if the other kids ask but she didn't ask me to go over their houses. Two years ago she has a really good friend and she ask me to go her house all the time, lucky I really like the mom too since we see each other a lot.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

I don't think k and 1st graders want to " hang out" with school friends yet
Neither one of mine did.
Birthday parties yes but not on an every day basis.

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C.K.

answers from Atlanta on

My child plays with neighborhood kids and other friends. He has had a couple of kids over from school. One we swapped each week though it was initially set up as we both attended. I did not have much in common with the mom. It stopped around the holidays due to schedule conflicts. I've been trying to start it back up though suggested "boys only". They are moving locally so it has not happened yet though both boys continue to ask for it. And one boy from his class we did once at their house and once at ours with moms, but it was much better for me and her - more common ground. We just got a puppy so I've been busy and have not made it a priority. It happened more in preschool level since Kindergarten not as much though more parents from my son's class work and preschool more of us stayed home.

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M.P.

answers from Washington DC on

well, I personally think that your 5-year old is fine as long as she's getting lots of social interaction. She'll probably warm up to her school friends in the next years. I think it's great that the kids have friends whose parents are also friends -- that's absolutely the ideal. I would maybe ask the 7-year old about her school friends, not necessarily to set up a playdate, but to make sure that she does have school friends. My kids are 6 and 9 and ask about their friends at school.

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

My oldest does and always has. She is in 2nd and she started her first year of pre-k. My son also does, but not as much. He's in kindergarten. My youngest is happy to play with his brother and sister and their friends for now, but I'm sure that will change as he gets older.

M.B.

answers from St. Louis on

My daughter is in K. She never asks either, but I always take her to the birthday parties she gets invited too. Maybe during the summer when she doesnt see her friends everyday we can plan something. I would also love to get to know the other moms, not necessarily be good friends with them, but it is good to know them.

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