What do you do when your teen most of time wants to stay home or be with friends instead to go out with family?
my 13 yo lately doesn't want to come out. She loves to draw and read so is not even that she is in front of tv or computer.
She does has sports on some weekends but other then that she rather either mind her own or be with friends.
Of course I remember thinking that my mom was " boring" sometimes so I try to let her but I also feel that if I don't push her sometimes she would stay all her vacations on her room.
We try to keep it fun for all ( to a point) and many times she ends up having fun so is not like we are torturing the poor thing, lol.
so just wonder what other parents of teens do when their teens want to hibernate?
Thanks ladies.
It is really not a problem for going on vacations, is about simple going outs. Like going out to eat and ice cream later, going to movies, to the mall, or just inside home and play a game, watch a movie. She still talks to me a lot when I pick her up from school, she tells me about her friends and about her crush and the teacher, etc. But now that she is in vacations she is literally hibernating (including not shower yesterday!)
Jo your post made me laugh too. =0).
Being raised Catholic I use guilt whenever possible. Guilt will not make them happy about going on a family event but they keep it to themselves so I can act like we are a happy family. :)
We Are Family. End of Subject.
My daughter (12) spends a lot more time in her room than she did a few years ago. Mostly I don't push it. But there are a few things that I do insist she join us on - family dinner, when we do an "official" family game night, and some outings we plan to do as a family.
We've had a bit of resistance to a few. We just say "this is a family event, you're part of the family. Come on, let's go" and don't give her an option. There've been a few tears, but then she gets over it an enjoys herself.
So, let her be most of the time, but when you really want to do something as a family, definitely insist that she come along. In a few years, it'll be important that she remember that bond - that she is still family no matter what, and that you're there for her too - and it can be very important to a teen.
My girls are 12 1/2, 11, and 9. We have mandatory family time. I say, "it isn't for you, it's for me. If I'm not happy I promise you won't be happy. You give me this night and you can do whatever you are wanting tomorrow." They usually end up having fun, but they know they get on my nerves they get sent to bed (which I haven't had to do). But, yes, we have mandatory family game night.
Depends on what it is. Sometimes, yes. We do nightly dinner time at the table, no phones, no computers, tv, etc. The stepteens have said things like, "I don't know what to say to my grandparents" so we say, "You need to get to know them and not just avoid them. Tell them about YOU and go from there." We only do dinner with the in-laws on the occasion so it's not like they have to go every week.
If we go on vacation to the lake or somewhere they have the option to not go on the boat every time, but sometimes we drag them along to things we want to do, too. My stepson was interested in mechanical engineering and we took him to Falling Water and told his sister to buck up because we do a lot for her and it was his turn. I'd keep taking her out, especially on vacation.
It's not a regularly scheduled event, b/c the more you push this the more they will rebel against it.
The trick is doing something that the teen wants not necessarily what you want (going out to eat pizza, Wii bowling tournaments, and outdoorsy stuff they like: kayaking, hike....).
So far we haven't had to push too much. Our oldest is 13, and he doesn't hibernate. We always eat together, and both boys LOVE family vacations. The only change we've seen is that sometimes our teen chooses to stay home when we run errands, and I don't mind him doing that. He's always been a big "family" guy, so we'll see if that changes as he gets older. Our youngest will likely be the more typical hibernating teen when he reaches that age.
I agree with the others - when you can, find activities that the teen will enjoy and have the whole family participate. I would also have family time each day if possible, at meal time or whatever time works for your family. Continue to show her how important family is. Allow her the freedom to have some time away from family, too. I wouldn't allow her to spend all of her vacation time in her room. I would miss her (if she was my daughter). I teach high school, and I really love teenagers. Enjoy the teen years! :)
I think it's very important to have family time and to have meals together as much as possible. Some time you will have to push a little, but if you make it clear if they want their "friend time" and "me time", they will FIRST have to put effort into "FAMILY TIME".
For example: I bowl with a group of friends once a month. Last week one of the couples brought the 14 year old daughter and grandma. At first you could tell that the kid was board, but then she started getting some strikes and spares and everyone there was applauding her and encouraging her and she was having a blast. By the way, grandma truned out to be one of the best bowlers out of the 30 of us!
The parents did let her check her cell for messages, but she was not constantly on it. We were there for about 2 - 2.5 hours. It was early and there was plenty of time left in the day for friends.
Families need to take the time to be together....if you do it often enough you might not have to push so hard.
Blessings...
I remember doing the same thing at her age (13).
I also so it on an after school special back when I was 13 that it was normal for teens to "hibernate" in their room at this age". I remember yelling to my mom to come to the tv to see it. :)
While it's normal, I think you should still have her come to family vacations.
We quit taking them when I was 15.
Just try to do dinner around the kitchen table for "family time".
Other than that, just keep connected and keep your eye on her.
My kiddos are very small, so I can't comment from the moms perspective, but can from the teenager perspective. I think some things should be required, family parties, family vacations, but I don't think she should have to participate in everything. My parents were super strict about dinner time. We always ate dinner together at the table, no TV, no phone. My mom tells me now that there were nights where she felt like she was playing 20 questions and my answer was always "fine". haha! But that didn't stop her, every single night we ate together and she tried to start conversations. I don't even remember the strained dinner conversations, but I do remember eating together every night.
I have to start out saying Jo G's answer made me laugh out loud!
The most important thing to do with teens is keep the conversation going. However you can do it, family dinners, vacations, game night. Your children will understand you more and want to be around you more if you talk to them more. My kids come to me with almost everything. My boys are 21 & 19 and my daughter is 14. We spend ALOT of time together. They know that FAMILY is #1 with me. No excuses no DRAMA. They have their privacy, and spend time in their rooms too. But my kids would rather stay home as a family and do stuff together than hang out with their friends. We eat dinner together and WE LAUGH, ALOT! I have tried to be the safe house for their friends too. It's not the hang out house, but their friends are always welcome.
GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!
D.
