Do You Let Your Kids Use Your Atm/debit Card?

My mom was single, but she did it with me and it was never a problem. I guess you should have just mentioned it to him before doing it and just try to keep some cash on hand to send them on little errands with. But you can just talk it over with him, maybe he just didn't like being out of the loop!

Maybe hubby can reconsider because it seems like they have been doing well and trustworthy with it right? If hubs feels strongly about it, then I would just tell the kids "My bad, didnt run it past dad and he says no".

NO I do not do that.
But my kids are young.

The human brain, is not even fully developed until 26 years old.

When my 16 yo 11th grader went to Paris with school, I gave him my Debit card with a strict budget, which he adhered to. Shortly after that he opened his own checking account and now has his own ATM card, soon to be debit (couldn't have debit til he was 18 which is tomorrow, sigh), but it's a joint acct with my name on it.

Now he's away at school, I just make deposits in his acct and he can access that money with his own card.

I don't think it's a bad thing either, I don't think you screwed up. You've got good kids, no problems with them overspending, stealing your money. Plus it teaches them HOW to use the cards in this cashless society.

Course at this point I would recommend you take them to the bank to get their own accounts.

IMO, you didn’t screw up loaning your kids your card. You will do what you feel is right for your situation. You know your kids best.

However, you screwed up when you didn’t consult with hubby first =-)

That is why I think he responded the way he did.

Sorry I can’t answer if I would as my kids are still too young.

Sounds like you have 2 responsible teenagers. Good job Mom!

I always used my mom's card, and think I probably know most of her passwords even now. I had her driver's license number memorized when they needed that at stores too. I also had her signature down, and would tell her whenever I used it. I never abused it, though. My kids are too young, but I would hope that I could trust them like that when they get older. Have your husband get a different PIN if he doesn't like that. Yes, you should definitely talk with him if it is a joint account and decide how to go forward, but I think that 16 and 19 are good ages and they can build some trust with you by using it responsibly.

I don't really have advise for the actual situation. I did just want to offer an idea. My parents gave me a prepaid visa card for stuff like gas, cellphone, lunch at school, movies out with friends. Hope this helps. Good Luck!

Sorry I wanted to add something: I was thinking a prepaid visa isn't really that different from using your atm card. The reason my parents did this is because they never their own debit cards. LOL, just carried cash. So they gave me a prepaid so I wouldn't have to carry cash around with me. It's also how my dad taught me to balance my account.

My nieces know the pin to my debit card. I have never had any problems. If you know your kids and trust them, then it is not a big deal. If anything ever changes you can always change the pin number.

No, BUT I have 1 credit card that I hand over to them. And it's not MY kids I'm worried about, but you never know who and how people will get that number and you have very little protection with a debit card. *My husband had his corporate American Express card # 'cloned' a few years ago and they had charge almost $8000. We were NOT responsible for it and were able to prove the fraudulent charges. And my husband had possession of his card the whole time. But he used it on a business trip and the number was stolen.

When our now 20 year old was 16, we got him his own debit card. We gave him a monthly allowance because he had to take his sister to and from school among other things. So that money was deposited into his account. It was our way to teach him to budget since it really is becoming a debit card society.
Our daughter will be 16 this week and we will do the same with her.
Both accounts are separate from our accounts but yet linked. Meaning, when our son over-drafted a couple of times in the beginning (good lesson NOT to charge a $10 meal when you only have $5 in your account) it didn't affect our account, but we were able to transfer the money from his savings to cover it.

Don't drive yourself nuts. Just figure out if you can get them their own account/card or use a regular card. But I will tell you too, from experience, depending on where you are and the store they use it at, they may not get to use it if it is in your name.

I let my kids use my debit and credit cards on occasion. I trust them completely. They always have to bring back a receipt though. And I always balance my bank and credit card statements, so there could be no withdrawals or purchases without my knowledge.

To me, not a big deal. My husband wouldn't care either.

Well, I'm single so I don't have a husband to ask about this, but I let my son know my pin number. He's 15, but he makes bank deposits for me and goes to the grocery store, etc. He actually started doing that 3 years ago when I broke my leg and couldn't drive. I wasn't always able to get a ride so he was a huge help. He always brought me the receipts and never bought anything without my prior permission. He's very, very responsible.

As far as undoing it...yes you can. You can stop letting them use your card, but it doesn't sound like they have done anything without your permission. It's not like they put gas in their car and then blow a ton of money at the mall that you didn't know about.

I don't think you screwed up and neither did your kids, except for the not telling dad part, but like you said, you didn't think twice about it.
Letting them use your card for gas is easier than you having to go to the gas station with them or go to the ATM yourself to get them cash.

I tell you, I'd have been sunk on more than one occasion if I couldn't trust my son with my card.
All you can do is apologize to your husband and hopefully he'll cool off about it.

Best wishes.

I don't think it's a good idea. It gives them no value of money and earning privileges. At that age, I had my own bank account. I also worked and didn't get money from my parents, except on rare occasions. When I did get money from my parents, they would just deposit it, into my account. For the most part, I earned my own money. I am so glad for it, too. When I was in college, none of my friends knew how to manage their own money. Their parent's were always having to deposit money in the account, because they would overdraft and were negative. Not to mention, they didn't actually have to be responsible, because their parents always bailed them out of money woes. Their money problems carried on, because they never had to make smart money decisions, and were spoiled. (I'm not saying your kids are spoiled, I'm just giving an example.) Perhaps, they need to start earning their own money, in addition to whatever you give them. They are at the age, where they should be making some of their own money, in my opinion.

I used my mum's credit/debit cards all throughout highschool. Not every day, by any means. But "Hey R., would you pick me up ______ at the store?" and off I'd go to run an errand for her. Same token, if I needed something and SHE was paying for it, she'd hand me the card and let me do at least half the work (aka the actual schlepping). I was always responsible with her card (brought her receipts, never used it without asking, never went over a limit without asking... ex: If I had $50 limit for school clothes, and the total came to $54, I would call her and ask if it was okay before spending it.). Most of my sibs had similar "access". One of them lost the privilege and had to have my mom chaperone her, or wait until she felt like going to the bank and withdrawing cash, because she overspent without asking, twice. But the rest of us had my parent's trust.

For my 8yo, I've been MEANING to get him his own debit card for awhile... but even though he has his own account, I just haven't gotten around to it. My friends in london and ny are horrified I haven't yet... but we don't have taxies here in Seattle, nor the tube. And we homeschool... so it's not like "in case of emergency" he would need one. He can't flag a cab down to get home, and his flexi pass is never going to run out of $, because there is no flexipass, because there is no tube. I DO need to get on that though. 1/2 of teaching responsible use is actually being ABLE to use a thing. (A person can study driving in a book or in a passenger seat for YEARS, but be a terrible driver if they've never actually been behind the wheel. Ditto everything else I can think of... from school to cooking to parenting to ______. So I DO want to get good habits ground in young. Sigh. Okay. I need to actually call the bank now and get it set up so he can start that aspect of money management.) When *I* was a kid, I had my own checkbook to learn to balance, but checks are no longer the primary means of payment without cash. And one *cannot* work in society these days easily without a visa/mc logo DEBIT card (I haven't owned a credit card in 2 years now... credit is easy to bypass... but plastic is not).

My Q for you is this... what is actually important to your H?

- That he have approval on all purchases and who makes them ahead of time? (does he not trust you with that decision?)

- That only you and he know HIS pin number?

- That you do all the schlepping?

- Something else I'm not thinking of?

Number 1 & 3, I would put my foot down rather firmly about... but if it's number 2... that's an easy fix: change it so you two have different pin #s

I do not see a problem with doing this, if you trust your kids. If they haven't done anything to cause you to believe that they will take advantage of the privilege what is the concern?

I allow my 10 yo daughter to punch in my pin # for my debit card. Sometimes she holds it while we check out and runs it thru the slot, also. I wouldn't actually give her the card without my presence because she tends to lose things but I expect to be able to give her my card to use when she's older and shown that she won't lose or misuse it.

Later: If husband still doesn't agree with this practice, you can undo it by changing your pin #.

I don't think you messed up at all. My 17 year old daughter uses my ATM card for all the reasons you listed...it makes it a lot easier on me!!

Yes.. I did/do.. Our daughter is very trustworthy, plus it helps me out, not having to run all of my own errands.

I remember my mom used to let me use her credit cards back in the day.. My Stepmother gave me her charge card number for "in case of any emergency" that may come up.

I do not think you screwed up.

Sure i do, it is nice to send them to pick up milk, pizza, something i forgot like sugar etc. They are 13 and 14. (girls) I love the fact that they can ride their bike and help me with a few errands :)

I wouldn't. I would get them a green dot card, then give them only what I was willing to spend!

Even really responsible kids make a bad choice or two. I had a gas card when I was a teen. I used it occording to the instructions I got from my mother...until one day, my friend wanted to go to the fair. I did too. We got the OK from our parents, and we cooked up a way to have a little more money in our pockets at the fair...by filling her car, which was against the rules. Lost my privalege. Learned something important, but it was not worth what I lost in terms of my own integrety with my parents. I would not give them that temptation, it might lead to a double disapointment, because I am pretty sure my parents felt the same way.

M.

I can sortof understand how you made the mistake, so don't beat yourself up too terribly bad. I use our debit card for just about everything too! So I have to plan ahead to have cash on me for some things. I mean, I always keep ten or twenty in my purse, but enough to buy groceries ? Never. Gas? Never.

That said, it WAS a mistake to not discuss with your husband whether or not to give the PIN # and card to them beforehand. So own up to that and say you're sorry that you didn't and then go from there.

I would say that if your kids are good kids, and you say they are. Then no harm is done. Will they start swiping your card without asking? Would they do that? If not, then don't worry. Just tell them that you made an error in judgment and they won't be using it anymore. It isn't a punishment or that you don't trust them. BUT, it DOES affect they way they think about money and spending it, when they are swiping a card instead of doling out cash.

They will be much more aware of what they are spending and how much things cost when they have to hand over cold hard cash for something, rather than just mindlessly swiping a magnetic strip. It works that way for adults, too. Try it sometime... you'll see what I mean. I'll fill up my gas tank and hardly notice that I just dropped $45. But if I had to go inside and hand over the cash, I'd start paying more attention to how many extra or unnecessary side trips I make burning gas. Going to the grocery store and swiping $80 worth of groceries doesn't even register sometimes, even with a bag of snacks I really didn't need. But if I am paying in cash, instead of swiping, I am less likely to grab those extra chips or pack of Oreos. And I might just put back that $3.00 loaf of bread and get the house brand one that's only $1.79 instead.

It's a mentality thing, that your kids will lose out on if they get accustomed to swiping a card. Even if it's not their own personal money, it still FEELS different to spend cash instead of swiping.

Just my 2 cents.

This guy at my work is married and his wife gave the debit card from their joint account to her daughter. (This was his step-daughter whom he helped raised since she was like 6 she was then at the time 17-18) Step-daughter decided to have a spending spree one day and cleaned out the bank account.

Not saying your kids will do this, but just saying it happens.

It's a testament to your trust in your sons, but I'd go with a prepaid Visa card to them. This gives you better control of how much they are spending and teaches them to budget their money. Imagine: if your son has $50 on a prepaid card, he might have to choose if he wants to fill up his car or just put $10 in; he'll have to make mature decisions about what he's buying at the store and how much he has to spend. If his cell phone minutes are coming out of his own pocket, so to speak, he might be more thoughtful about how much time he's going to use on it.

If your sons have some impulse control and are super responsible, that's great, and they should be able to understand that an allowance system that lets them keep track of their spending and be responsible in making choices with their own money is beneficial in the long run. My mother once put some of her money into my sister's bank account (momentary lapse of reason?!) and wound up out $500. So yes, when you give a child (even a 'good child' as my sis was thought to be at the time) they *might* very well rob you!

There's also the entitlement argument too. You don't say, but are they working, at anything? I was allowed to save birthday checks for treats like extra snacks and clothes and I began working at the age of 16; worked all summer and afterschool jobs Sept-June. I know the job market isn't great, but ask yourself--- are they contributing to the household in some way, with chores, making dinner from time to time, or helping with garage/basement cleanout or any odd jobs the neighbors need done? (With this last one, even if the neighbor is on a restricted income/elderly and cannot pay a higher wage, it's worth underwriting.) I think it's vitally important to give the money some "worth"-- if they just receive it for breathing and going to school, it might not mean as much. I just ask this because there seem to be an awful lot of young people with an unhealthy sense of entitlement--some kids just seem to sort of expect that their parents will bankroll them as they do whatever they want. Do your children sit down and balance the bank books, keep receipts and review their purchases, and are they aware of the money spent on bills?

If it were me, I'd call the bank and ask to have your PIN changed. You and your husband will need to go in together with your cards to have it done, but it's likely worth it in the long run. Like I said, I think it's great that you trust your kids so much, and this was a well-intentioned mistake. But I've just known too many people who have been burned by their children's fiscal irresponsibility to think it's a *good* idea.

I don't think you screwed up at all!! Its good that you can trust your kids enough to let them use it; given, I do think you should've told your husband first.
I think its time for your teens to have an allowance if they don't have one yet. and have them have their own account and their own card. This will give them a sense of independence, and will give you a perfect opportunity to teach them about budgeting and money.
You can help them come up with money through helping with extra chores, besides the ones they have, or give them a certain amount a week, maybe have a part time job, things like that.
If you're really worried about that just change the pin#. But if there was something wrong going on, you would've noticed already and taken steps.
Don't worry so much, your teens sound really responsible to me.
Good Luck!!

my daughter is not to that point yet, but i'd say it all depends on if both wife and husband are ok with it, AND are the kids responsible, or rebellious? my mom still to this day would NEVER give me her check card for SQUAT. at the rate my daughter is going, yeah, i'd let her use it, but one time being unfaithful with it, and all opportunity would be gone, i'd be more ok with a cc but would take a lot of convincing for debit card...straight a student, dependable, etc

I don't think you screwed up at all, you obviiusly have given the card to them more than once and they are proving to be trustworthy, although I know sometimes it is other people you can't trust.. I wonder why your husband has an issue with it... I have 2 teens (16 and 13) and I would trust them with my credit card (although I hope a store wouldn't let them use it since it has my name and signature). My husband would not be happy either, but we would discuss it and we also have separate bank accounts and credit cards (it is what works for us!).

I let my teenagers use my debit card to go to the store and such...Its a matter of trust. Can you trust your teenagers to not take advantage of it?

My kids are not old enough for this yet so I am going off my mom and me. When she know she could trust me and told me how much I could use she started letting me use her card when the need came up. But she did not go get me my own card. She will even send me to town for some years with her card to get her stuff because she did not want to go. Now that I am older and have my own kids she will call and say, "You got my number can you call and pay my power bill?" and so on. If you trust your children and they are not using it for anything you have not given the ok for I do not see a wrong in that. I do on the other hand see the point about not talking it over with your husband.

No you didn't screw up. Your kids are trustworthy or you wouldn't do it. Tell your hubby to change his PIN number if he doesn't trust his kids.

I let my son use a credit card for gas. He has to ask me for it and then return it when he gets home. I check the statements. If I find that he ever abuses the situation, he will have to take cash and go inside to pay for his gas. I have not had an issue.
As for debit - they have their own debit cards attached to their own accounts. They don't tend to use them very often as what little cash is in there isn't going to go very far, you know?
LBC

As a teen my parents did the same thing. Most of the time though it was to get groceries while my parents did something else. I think you need to have a good gauge of where your kids are at. I personally don't see an issue but if this is something that you and your husband haven't discussed then it may have been a big surprise to find out. I would recommend have a discussion with him to hear his side and then see if you two can compromise.

Protect your credit. A secured credit card is an option. Have them build up the savings for it. It has a small limit and they can start building their credit history early at the same time. Hope this helps.

Very badly. Yes you can fix it just talk to your husband, agree on a new pin & call the bank & change it.
Get a credit card, Like Chase put a low limit on it, discus this with your husband. Get the kids there own cards, which they must get from & give back to you every time you want to use it. Pay it off every month.

Set up an account that is linked to yours so you can transfer money to their account and they can use their own debit card. They can add funds as well if they want to use their card for their own purpose and if doing you a favor, you can transfer funds quickly so they have access to some money but not all of it.
19 & 16 why aren't they paying for their own phone minutes & gas money? They could probably do it with birthday & Christmas money. Remember to teach financial responsibility. How about an allowance for each chore done around the house, helps you & helps them to earn money & learn financial responsibility, win-win situation.

nope- then again, my oldest is 10- but I still wouldn't give them my atm or my pin. If you want to "undo" it, all you have to do is cancel your current cards and get new ones with different pin #'s. If I need them to pick up milk or something at the store when they are older- I will give them cash or pay them back(my parents did the same with us) and they will be in charge of making sure they have enough money for gas in their cars.
But I agree with other posters that this probably isn't that big of deal, except that you didn't consult your husband before you did it. Making financial decisions together and making sure you are both on the same page with money will really help.
~C.

I dont know what I'll do with my kids, they are still toddlers... But I just thought it might be useful to put out there... My mother was the same way, she'd let us use it to go get school clothes usually but once in a while to fill our cars and so on. One week, when my youngest brother was about 17 he took it without her knowing (she was the type to fill her car and go shopping once a week so she didnt notice it was gone for a few days) He emptied the account, and of course this was right when all her bills were supposed to come out she ended up boucing everything loosing the house (I had moved out by than). We found out later that my brother had a drug problem, and he had used her card to buy things to pay off his debt to the dealers. We had NO idea... Hes gone on to figure out other family members pins (but watching them use there cards most likely) and hes gotten quite a bit of money from more than one family member now. Interesting little tidbit, the banks wont press charges on a family member, and they wont do that whole fraud protection thing if you've ever given out your pin, to anyone.

I'm not saying your sons are going to be he same way, I mean how many people can end up that unlucky, most people dont only get paid once a month, and have more than one income.

I just think my mom felt the same way, that her kids would never do that to her. I know I'll think twice about it. Not saying I wont do it, I'll just be more aware.

I did. There were some stipulations like amount limits and so forth but really it was the best idea. I did not want the kids to get their own and run the debt up badly.
Yes they are your kids and it is unlikely they will overdraw your account.
Your husband and you should have a heart to heart about trust and love. These are your children and I am with you on this one.

The only wrong is that you should have told hubs first. But what is his actual concern?
1- They won't know the value of money if they can just take the debit card?
2- That they will somehow give the Pin# away to someone?
3- That they could be mugged at the bank machine?
4- That no one has bothered to question them when they use a card with your name on it?
5- That they will be reckless and go on a spending spree?
Looks to me it's either time to get them their own debit cards or the gift visa/mc cards, where you load them up with whatever dollar amount you want.

Set them up with their own checking accounts and cards. They are old enough to manage some money on their own. If they were buying things for your household though, I think trusting them with your PIN is totally fine, but I don't have teenagers yet. ;)

Just change your PIN #'s. That is the same as-un-do. Then you don't have to worry about your husband. Right fighters as they can be. Teens at any time if they get into trouble ie drugs, and can take their parents credit cards if you let them use it or not. You didn't screw up!!!! Any charge on credit card can be fought. It really its too hard to get them off if they aren't yours.

Nope . . NEVER! Seriously . . and this has NOTHING to do with TRUSTING your "kids". I happen to agree with your hubby. When my daughter turned 16, the deal that we made, was that IF I bought her a car (second hand through an auction house), that SHE would have to pay for her own gas, AND for the auto insurance. This of course meant she would have to get a job. Which she did, and she very PROUDLY paid the expenses on HER car. Now my daughter is almost 28. She has 2 daughters of her own, and said she thought it was the BEST way to go about teaching her responsibility. She plans to "parrot" this lesson. Giving your teens YOUR ATM, means they aren't having to take responsibilty for themselves. This would also include minutes for their phones. IF they would have to (at minimum) pay 1/2 for each of these expenses, you'll notice a HUGE savings for yourself. It teaches the value of a $$. To "undue" the damage, get a hold of the bank, change your pin number, and sit down and have a talk with your teenagers. (All of course with your husbands "blessings") Remember the two of you are united in this. And standing together, will build strength all the way around. God Bless and Good luck!

I have a 13 year old son who I trust, but I have avoided giving him my PIN, even when I have had him go to the store for me. It's not so much a trust thing as much as a temptation thing. I agree - change your pin, to appease hubby. I get around it by having a secret stash of cash that I go to when I want my son to take care of something for me. Perhaps you could just get an extra debit card that you keep for your kids to use with a separate PIN.

The only "wrong" thing was you did not consult hubby and be on the same page with him.

The fact that your kids are trustworthy is great. You did a great job Mom!

We have a 15 yr old. She has her own credit card (WITH STRICT LIMITS). It is through our company of which she is an officer.

We live debt free and our card is paid in full and moreso, every month. Our daughter has a very low limit on her personal card. It is more of a safety thing for her so she is not carrying cash. I personally don't want her carrying her cash because cash gets "legs".... especially in locker rooms, football games, etc when you can't have your eye on your bag 100% of the time. Even credit/debit cards get "legs" but things can be traced and you can control the loss.

I don't think you screwed up. I think it is great that you, too, have responsible children!

I let my kids use mine; it's not a big deal. Tell hubby he can get another PIN number by calling the bank if he wants to keep his private. You can also get your kids their own card or even their own account. I let my kids have cash, checks, debit cards, credit cards - whatever they need when they need it (and they are younger than yours). It saves me a lot of trouble from having to do everything myself and it teaches them responsibility and financial independence.

I say it all depends on the child. I was very responsible and honest as a child, so my mom let me use hers to do the same thing and there was never an issue. Of course if they ever get mixed up in the wrong crowd, they could end up stealing it and taking money out wihtout permission, although they know they would get caught. It just depends on how reckless they choose to be. I would change your pin numbers (you and your husband). Then talk about it and see if there is a situation your husband feels it would be okay or not. If it's not ok. Then perhaps set up an account that is linked to yours so you can transfer money to their account and they can use their own debit card. They can add funds as well if they want to use their card for their own purpose and if doing you a favor, you can transfer funds quickly so they have access to some money but not all of it.

I just came across this post- and though I know it has been a few days since you posted- I want to put a little "professional" info out there for you. I work at a credit union in the fraud department so am familiar with the rules of debit and credit cards. The main issue is that if anything happens on your account with your debit card (unauthorized transactions and/or fraud) the credit union (or bank) depending on their policies may choose not to reimburse you because you have given out your account information to someone (even your children) who does not have rights to the account (which would be stated in the terms and conditions of your account).

It may not ever come up...but that could be an unintended consequence- your account could be drained and you might be out of luck- even if it isn't your kids who do it.

Also, you might want to do more than change the PIN- get whole new cards with new card numbers. You may be careful when you use your debit card but your children may not have been educated on those risks yet-leaving your account very vulnerable.

Sorry for the kind of technical post, but I have run into this kind of situation before...call your bank or credit union and ask them what they suggest.

Otherwise I agree that most minors of that age should be taught to use debit cards and checking account responsibly- just on their own accounts.

My mother did the same with me and I certainly never took from her what I wasn't supposed to. If you are the kind of parent that wants to give your children a set amount of funds for purchases like minuets and such than that is certainly your own choice. You could always set up a savings account that you automatically put funds in to. That way they would have their own cards and p.i.n #'s, and have less of a chance of overdrawing the account. You could even do as one other poster suggested and be the keeper of these cards. I understand your husband being upset since that was his p.i.n too. Sounds like you understand why he was upset so other than that all you can do is chalk it up to one of those husband/wife moments, make sure you don't repeat the same mistake and move forward to the solutions. Most banks can easily help you change your p.i.n. some you can even do it at the atm machine or through their online banking services. Good luck!

Why not get them each their own card and you can give them a set amount in their accounts that you and your hubs are comfortable with.