Do You Hear "I Don`t Get It"

She could have an auditory processing disorder which could lead to issues with short term memory, sequencing, and difficulty hearing speech in noise.

I'm certainly not an expert in this matter, but we have a high ability kid and we've read that you shouldn't tell them that they're smart. They say that it makes them self-conscious and afraid to take changes and afraid of being wrong. They say (instead) to tell them things like "I'm so proud of you for trying..." or "You did a great job even though you may not have gotten the answer the first time..."

Our daughter is only 4 1/2, but when we started doing this, we noticed a change in the things she'd try versus just saying "I can't do it" or "I don't know how."

I don't know if it's too late for a 7-year-old, but good luck!

With regards to the everyday stuff, I think she's just being a kid. When I was a kid, my mom stayed home with 2 kids and could be more patient. I work FT and have two kids. I lose my cool sometimes and I think it's just because we're all stretched too thin. My daughter couldn't find her hind-end with both hands some days...but my husband is the same way.

It sounds as though she may have an auditory processing disorder. This does not mean that she physically cannot hear you, but that her brain is slow at processing, or putting together what she hears you saying. Definitely get her hearing checked first to make sure there isn't an actual "hearing" problem. If her hearing checks out, then the pediatrician may want to do more testing to rule out or confirm a learning disability.

Hi, H.!

A friend of mine told me that when she was working at her son's school they told her it takes the kids a few seconds to process what you are saying first. So for example, if you say "Go brush your teeth!", wait 3 to 5 seconds before you freak and say "Ben, I said go brush your teeth". I know, like some of the other Mom's said the kids will say "What?" and then be able to repeat exactly what you said or do what you said even though they said "what?".

Patience stinks!

I'm going through a bit of this with my 5 yr old daughter now. She is a glass have empty child and complains about just about everything. I breathe a lot.

Good luck and do some counting.

Melanie

I think she is being a normal kid. My siblings and I went through is with my parents. There were five younger than me and we were really spaced. My little sisters are 16 and I am 31. We all went through this and I have a seven year old who does the same thing and my nine year old went through it to. My grandma use to say give it 6 months and it will change. While your waiting for it to change this is what I have done and what my mom did: When my child says I do not get in regards to school work, I will ask them to read me the directions. Then I ask them to explain the directions to me. With other things around the house I break it down. Instead of I want you guys to straighten the living room, I say I need you to pick up all your barbies and then I will tell you what is next when you are done. I also say I want you to pick up five things in the living room. Then if you get the I do not get it ask for her to repeat what you said. With my seven year old, I started to write her a simple list. Then when she came to me I would ask what does your list say, so what are you suppose to do. I hope this helps!

I was one of those kids who was afraid of being wrong, because everyone always told me I was "smart." If having the right answer makes me "smart," then what does it mean if I get the answer WRONG?

I agree with Angel. You probably shouldn't tell her that she's "smart," because to a child, that basically means, "understanding comes automatically to you; you shouldn't need to put in any real effort to learn something new." It also tells her that those A's she is getting aren't really much of an accomplishment, because an accomplishment is something you WORK for--and if she's "smart," she's not really *working* for it! ;-)

As for the, "I don't get it," I would rule out medical/auditory issues first, as others have mentioned.

After that, stop repeating what you've already said to her. Say it once and expect her to do it--if she says, "I don't get it," to something she should understand, don't explain further. Instead, say something like, "Just do your best," and walk away.

If she didn't hear you because she wasn't paying attention, this trains her to listen the first time. If she *really* doesn't understand, this gives her the opportunity to figure it out herself (or how to ask for more specific help), and if she DOES understand, this takes away the opportunity to be lazy about it! You want her to see through your actions that you expect her to do it the first time you ask, because you believe that she is CAPABLE of doing it!

By explaining how to do something as simple as "go get J.R.'s backpack from the van," you're telling her that she's NOT intelligent or capable enough to think on her own (despite telling her that she's smart!), and that is probably just adding to your problem.

If she says, "I don't get it" regarding schoolwork, tell her to explain to you what she's already tried (her teacher can use this approach, too). Also give her opportunities to be wrong or make mistakes--but be aware that your response will have a MAJOR impact here. Kids need to learn that not everything will come easily to them, but that doesn't mean that they are "dumb" or incapable of doing it; some things just take time, effort, and practice--and they also need to know that it's okay to make mistakes!

HTH!
--A.

Hi H.! Are you sure your daughter isn't my son in disquise?? I get the same response!!! He'll be 7 in January and he's been saying this for a few months now. His hearing is good and he mostly says this when I ask him to do something. Example- he forgot his lunchbag at school and didn't want to get it back. He's very shy and has a hard time talking to strangers, even his teacher. I told him that he needs to get that back so he can have something to bring his lunch in. He said, I don't get it. I asked him, what dont you get? All you have to do is tell your teacher that you forgot your lunchbag and you need to get it. He said I don't get it again. So I told him okay, but until you get your lunchbag you won't be playing any videos games or play on the computer until you get it back. He knew where it was, it was in another teachers basket, but he didn't want to ask. Well, needless to say, he got his lunchbag back that day. I think they say this to get out of doing something they dont want to do. But whenever that's the case, I give him a choice, either do as I ask or get a privelege taken away until it's done. Simple, he understands that! Since I've been doing it, he's been saying it less.

Now if it's homework or something that he really doesn't get, we work on it and I try to use different examples to help him understand. Sometimes what we think is so simple, but they can't comprehend it so you have to try different ways to say the same thing.

I am always telling my kids that they are smart when they figure something out or get good grades at school. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I do say, you are so smart because you figured that out by yourself. Or you are smart because......etc. I would rather praise my child for their brains and not their looks. I think too much emphasis is placed on a childs looks and that isn't going to get them anywhere. I do tell them that they look good but I try to make them see that it's not everything. That they way a person treats other people is far more important than the way they look.

Good luck, I just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one dealing with the "I don't get it's!"

D.

Have you tried just saying to do something and then saying repeat to me what I just asked you to do or what did I just say? She is just not listening for one thing and maybe you need to say there will be some sort of action for everything she ignores. Not sure what you'd want to do but something she likes maybe not done for a day or so. It sounds to me like just a habit and lack of responsibility. As for directions and school work have her read the directions to you and then ask her what that means and talk about it but don't tell her the answers, etc. Some kids need someone there to just sit and talk until they learn to do things on their own and then you can have her work more and more alone on things as she adjusts. It's more fun to have someone there than to sit alone and actually work. I would try that and if that doesn't work you may have to get firmer with her and say you have so much time to do this or that and then take action. I would think she is basically just not responsible and maybe a bit lazy about things. Be patient and maybe it is more but I know from having 8 kids sometimes you don't just have time to sit with one child and she may be needing more attention and one on one time. But my big line was always, " What did I just say?" She should be able to repeat that back to you and then do it.

I am assuming you've had her hearing checked. That being said, I suggest that after you ask her to do something, ask, "Now, what did I say?" If she's unable to respond correctly, repeat the instruction and then the question. This will take great patience on your part, but it will pay off in no time. I also stopped talking as much to my daughter when she went through a similar phase. I didn't "stop talking to her," she just heard my voice less often. That way, the tuning out of my voice became far less prevalent. Hang in there, and stick with your plan. We're all pulling for you!

Good Morning H., Yup I get it... :) Corbin will say "What" At first like you I thought he just didn't hear what I said. So I started asking him What did Nana say? He would tell me word for word. So now when he says "What" I tell him You heard me Corbin so lets get to it. Sometimes H. it is a Habit they get in to and just don't really know how to stop it. Like some people say Huh all the time... lol that one gets me. Just like saying " I can't do it" My response is "Can't Never tried and Can always Will".

I would sit with her H. as she does her homework for a while, and let her know you are there to help her understand the directions. Not to do it for her as you have already been in her level of school. It's her turn to learn. Have her read them aloud, then ask her what she needs to do. If she says I don't get it, Ask her, What it is she doesn't Get. Then Read them again until she does. You might want to get a soft drink and a snack for your self as she might put you and her through the proverbial Wringer. Or get some Tape to keep the "Smile" on your face.

Don't get upset or frustrated, this might be a good chance for her to have Mama's full attention. Some special One on One time.

God Bless you H., you certainly do have a busy, busy household!!
K. Nana of 5

As a teacher I get the "I don't get it" often. What I ask is they come up with another statement. For instance, I'm confused, I need some extra help, could you help me here, etc. Tell her the words, "I don't get it" will no longer get a response. She's doing this just out of habit now. It usually stops within a week. Encourage her to use her new phrases with her teacher, in fact, contact the teacher so that she can encourage the same new phrases. She'll start to have to think before she blurts out the I don't get it and hopefully it will stop.

You need one phrase that you repeat back to her each time she makes the comment. "I don't get it." "That is why you are doing homework. To learn how to do it." Lather, rinse, repeat. A thousand times. lol Some people work better with someone near them. Consider doing your paperwork next to her so you are both doing your work at the same time. I know, easier said than done, but that may be her learning style.

I totally don't think this is a disciplinary issue. So here's some options. I believe it is either a bad habit: try pulling the "repeat what I just said" method, & reward her for listening. I use this with my youngest son! (Usually with a "thank you for respecting me" type of thing.)

Or it's an auditory disruption (or other learning disability). My niece's hearing/comprehesion cuts out on every 3rd/4th word. She had to train using a headset to learn to focus past that disruption. & it worked....she's an Honor Roll student in H.S. Get her checked!

Or it may be you are actually over-explaining & she's losing focus. Present the chore as a challenge: "I think the backpack is in the van. Please go get it. I know you can do this." In my daycare, I had a girl who said, "I can't" with every situation. It was her control factor, her way of manipulating me into doing for her. That nightmare ended very quickly when she realized that I would not do for her, & consistently said, "No, you are a big girl. I know you can do this." If she argued (which again gave her the attention she craved), then she was given one chance to comply/try....& then her chance was over. No pleading, no coercion....simply we were done. She learned quickly to jump in on the action!

Hope this helps, & I truly don't think it's time for discipline.....Help her become a better person!

i'm not sure if she's being lazy but i guarantee she understands you. sounds like she's just being a pain in the butt for attention or something. you (and all the adults in her life) might just have to put your foot down. "NOW." would be my response lol. but that's just me. i feel like she should be disciplined for this just like outright disobeying, because that's what she's doing, she is just being sneaky about it. my son is three, and call me harsh, but it drives me nuts, he will ignore me if i'm asking something he doesn't want to hear...and yes, if i have to ask repeatedly, he is cruising for a time out. as long as she's passed her hearing test then i would say it's time for some disciplinary measures.

Hi H.,

The first thought that came to my mind is that she wants you to ask her more than once so she has the time to think of something and/or have more detail about what the instructions are because that make things easier. If you ask her about something or her teacher, and if she "does not get it" you or the teacher will try to find a way to give her more detail or information so that the task, the homework or the chore is almost D. by yourself (or someone else). My son used to do that for several weeks by using: "what?"....or, "I don't get it", or "it doesn't make sense!" I say to my kid that is just a "mental laziness" because it is easier that way. After a while, and when he did not do that anymore,he told me that he didn't want to think! He is a smart boy and he is a fast learner, but he is a .....kid...!
I solved this just giving my kid short and clear instructions, and made him to repeat those to me, and I would say: "OK you have one minute to get in the mood to do it" or.."get it"(not mad or upset..just firmly) This habit or laziness is now gone.....He understands and hears perfectly fine....!
I am not overseeing medical problem H...but most of the time these things are about just discipline or bad habits.
Good luck
Alejandra

I don't think this is really common, especially for a kid her age. I wonder if she's struggling in some way that's hard for her to understand. Perhaps her hearing needs to be tested. Maybe she's missing words she doesn't even realize she's missing.

More than that though I wonder if she needs testing for ADD. So much of what you said rings familiar. My husband is ADD and sometimes the simple things just don't compute. Additionally, he has a terrible time remembering- sometimes from one moment to the next he'll forget what he was doing. It's more than memory lapse, though. He's very smart and was gifted in school and suffered terribly for the longest time because he couldn't figure out why the simple things were so hard for him. He got told he was lazy a lot.

Use the teachers and specialists in your school as your first resource. Talk to them about what they would suggest.

The most important thing, though, I think is to make sure your daughter continues to feel good about herself. When a smart, bright child is struggling it's important to be supportive and patient while you figure out what's going on. The last thing you want is for her to feel stupid or less than. Even an attitude problem can be indicative of something bigger and it's all worth taking some time to figure out. You'll both be so much happier when you've identified if there's a problem and how to deal with it.
Good Luck