Do You Have Ideas How I Could Be More Patient with Children in Morning?

Set timers for each task. The buzzer kind so that they can hear time ticking away. You have TWO minutes to get dressed. Give them small reasonable incentives to play along. This technique will be helpful to them throughout their lives. They will start to get an internal sense of time as well.

I second B's answer. You need to allow way more time so it doesn't matter how long the toothpaste takes. You need to prep everything possible the night before. And you need to have an earlier bedtime to coincide with the earlier rise time. Also, no tv or electronics in the morning. Decide on clothing the night before so the complaints can be addressed then.

Have your kids do as much as they can to prepare for the morning the night before. For us, that means picking out the clothes you are going to wear before going to bed, and making sure you have everything you need for the next day in your backpack and have your backpack waiting by the front door.

I'd also develop some kind of picture schedule of the morning routine with your kids input so that they can hopefully learn to look at it and know what they are to do and when without you feeling as if you are having to hound them all the time.

I would also suggest maybe getting a timer and for each segment, make it like a race. For example, when it is toothbrushing time, set the timer for 2 minutes and dare your child to get it all done just before the timer goes off. You can do this for getting dressed and putting on shoes as well. And your kids might like it for you to write down their times to see how well they are doing. I'd just jot it down in some kind of notebook for their entertainment.

And then, if all goes well during the week and they are sticking to their picture schedule, they're beating the clock (timer) and having a good attitude, I'd take them out on Friday after school and treat them to Dairy Queen or take them to the park for the afternoon. The promise of something fun on Friday can do a lot to change irksome behaviors.

Best of luck with whatever you choose to do. I know how tough it can be to get kids ready in the morning. We've had our share of drama from time to time, over here as well.

I have recommended this before for Moms....& I still believe it's a goof-ball solution, but it does work: have a behavior chart for yourself. Post it where the kids can see it....& you'll be amazed at how it helps turn them around! Make your reward something they can envy!!! & they'll be on board! Good Luck.....& practice what you preach!

Hi C.,

My children do not have ADHD, but they are definitely not morning people and do not like to cooperate in the morning. We came up with something that has really transformed our mornings, for the most part. We made three smiley faces for each child, cut them out and drew frown faces on the other side, and put them on the fridge. The smiley faces are their three warnings or chances. Each time they talk back, yell at me, refuse to get dressed when they're supposed to, etc..etc...They have to turn the smiley face to the frown side. If all three smiley faces are turned over, they lose a privilege (tv time, computer/ds time). Then the next "offense" is another privilege and so forth. This method has worked well for us. I no longer yell, threaten or beg and plead. I just simply say, "Go turn a smiley around" in a very calm, level voice. We do have bad days where they end up losing all of their privileges, but that doesn't happen often. They enjoy their privileges too much and will usually stop by the time they've lost two smiley's. So essentially it's making them responsible for their behavior and actions. And when they cry that's it's not fair that they can't play the DS after school, I just say "I know that you're sad that you lost this privilege so I'm sure that tomorrow, you will do what you need to do so that you can keep all of your privileges". This statement puts the responsibility all on them. You have to make it their problem and not your problem. This idea came to me after I attended a Love and Logic seminar at our school. I don't agree with every part of this philosophy, but I definitely got some useful tips from it. One of the best was the one-liners to use when your kids are whining, complaining, or saying you're mean. You repeat the same line or response in a very calm, almost monotone voice and soon the child realizes that they aren't getting under your skin, and they give up. Check our their website loveandlogic.com

Good luck!

My SS does not have ADHD, but can be as slow as molasses. We joke that he runs on his own time. We once were on vacation going out to a nice dinner with reservations. We told the kids, "Anybody not in the car in 2 minutes is being left behind" and he ran out to the car with his shoes and socks in his hands as we started the car. He lives skin of his teeth sometimes.

If there's anything we really need him to get to, we tell him to be there earlier than he would need to be. Or if we needed him to get up by a certain time, we'd wake him before anybody else.

Your mileage may vary, but maybe if you know your oldest tends to need more time, whatever the reason for it, he gets woken up first. Then you can focus on the 7 yr old.

How much do you have them do at night? Was the outfit his pick from the night before or your pick from this AM?

And, while it would be better if the kid brushes his teeth every morning or had matching socks or all his schoolwork, if sometimes they go without and learn the hard way, maybe they'll change. When my stepson was younger and would have a crisis because of his own dawdling, we'd try to stay calm and remind him that he doesn't have a choice not to go to school (or whatever) but he does have a choice how he gets there - with matching socks, with a good lunch vs two things grabbed at the last minute, etc. When he was in HS, he would miss the bus and we charged him "cab fare" for us to take him in. When he complained about the steep price, we simply told him that he had a choice. If he didn't like it, he could get ready on time.

It is sometimes very hard to be calm when you know you have to be on time and the kid just isn't moving. Hang in there.

AHHH the age old question. I don't think you are alone. Kids have a completely different time structure and way of doing things and they get so easily distracted - It reminds me of the dog, Doug, in UP "Squirrel!"
My recommendation is to wake them up earlier and be sure you are already ready for the day before they start thiers.
It is a booger, but it is what works at my house. That way if I am ready and just following/reminding/prodding i am much less flustered because I am all ready.
Yes, I have had to wake my kiddos up almost an hour and a half before we leave to ensure timely departures.
I also love the idea of a timer!
Good luck!

You probably already do this, but lay their clothes out the night before, plan breakfast the night before, have your clothes out the night before, etc. You may want to have them choose their clothes (if they care, as your one son seems to), help you choose breakfast, etc. Then as you get ready for bed, talk with them about what the morning will hold. It helps my boys get that in their mind. And in the morning, if/when I yell, they say, "It's because I didn't listen/Because I didn't go quickly/Because we need to leave and I'm playing."

It's a lot of pre-planning, but it helps us. Good luck!

Knowing your children has ADD/ADHD, and knowing where they are lacking, you can adjust how you do things. I have 3 out of 5 children with some form of it, with a 4th possibly being diagnosed with a mild version down the road. (I can smell it coming, lol)

I give those children more time to accomplish things knowing that they do take a longer time. I will wake them up earlier, which means going to bed a bit earlier. I keep the TV turned off, unless it's mild classical music to soothe. They use electric toothbrushes as they get too lazy with brushing so they're still expected to brush with help from the rotation. I lay clothes out for them. I will use timers and let them know as time is ticking how much time they have left. I will hand out punishments for delays. You should not have to repeat yourself 10 times, ever. I understand positive solutions. But children need to learn that when they do something negative, they will get negative in return. When they do positive things they will get positive things in return. Be sure to praise tremendously when he does give you a good morning. There aren't things that are going to make life super easy with these types of children. They will always be a struggle but you have teach them the key things and keep on it. He's whining because he's allowed to whine. You have to nip it in the bud. Every action has a consequence. Just ask them if they want a positive one or a negative one. This is why we do high praises when they do things right so they will know the difference.

Good luck!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Ok. Do as much preparation the night before as possible. Have clothes picked and laid out (no changing minds about it in the morning).
Have lunches packed ahead of time and in the morning just take them from the fridge as you head out the door.
Move up bedtime by half an hour so you can move up wake up time by half an hour. Do everything earlier so you are not rushed. You goal is to be ready at least 10 min before your deadline.
I had to be at work early when my son was in day care, so we'd be out the door a half hour before day care opened, then we'd sit in the parking lot and read a book while we waited for it to open. My son always loved being read to so he looked forward to story time when ever I could fit it in - and I fit it in at every opportunity.
If moving things up by a half hour isn't enough, move up another half hour and keep doing it till you find the right balance.

I think one small change you could make is to stop "saying things 10 times" and help him solve the problem he's whining about. If he whines about his outfit (did you make him wear the outfit he didn't like? don't do that), help him find something else. If he's cold, get him a hoodie, or just something to wrap up with while he's home still. If he doesn't want to go to school (why not?), remind him about something cool he'll get to do there, or something cool you'll take him to do after (even just getting ice cream). I agree with him that you shouldn't be yelling. If you can't keep your cool, and you have likely some 20+ years more experience than him, does it sound realistic to expect him to be perfect? When you feel the yell coming, stop, breathe, think of another way to respond, then pick the better way. If your 2 choices are yell or say nothing, say nothing. Every time, think of 2 ways, then pick the better one. Over time, this gets easier and automatic, and before you know it, you're responding better every time. He'll likely, over time, relax more too, not worrying/anticipating that you're going to yell at him, and start trusting that you will help him and that you believe he's doing the best he can, given his age and experience.

My boys are both foot draggers, especially when it comes to getting dressed in the morning. I got tired of sending them to school after fussing at them all morning, and I'm sure it didn't make their days go any better to begin that way, either. One morning, I got out a kitchen timer and told them if they got ready before the timer beeped, they could have some extra play time before doing homework in the afternoon. They have never gotten ready so fast, and it has continued to work almost flawlessly since then (a couple of months now). The incentive may not be the same for your kids, but using a timer with a positive incentive for beating the timer is an easy thing to try and completely changes the mood of the house!

My boys are reminded before they go to sleep every night that we will be up and moving at 6:45 (oldest) and 7:45(youngest) that either it is my week to drive or what mom is driving (depending on the mom the actual exit times are different). They are both ADD and ADHD this actually seems to help. Also the way you wake them up seems to help. My teenager is the slowest person alive honestly but if I wake him up nicely and keep repeating the time it seems to work better than "hurry up"

I'm glad you asked this question - I'm having the same issue, not only with my son but with my husband! He will only hurry or rush when it applies to his schedule (be it work or play), has to do ten things before walking out the door and always always when we should have left 5-10 mins before! He claims I'm being mean (the same as a kid would), but after asking him to get up or help out 10 times I too become frustrated. I find myself taking it out on our son because I can't get his dad to help out in a timely manner. So, my question would be "how do you teach an old dog new tricks?"

Oh baby! I feel ya! My 8 yo son is like that in the morning. I don't think it's an exclusively ADHD thing--it's a KID thing!

It's a constant internal battle for me to NOT freak out & start screaming. Dig deep for that patience and clarity.

I'm thinking....vodka....in my tea! LOL

Pick out the clothes the night before. That has saved us a lot of time in the mornings. The kids just know that whatever they pick the night before is final. Also I get toothbrushes ready when I wake up so the kids don't have to. I tell my oldest that if he's not dressed by 7am that he will his breakfast at school. Also I set a timer and give him two minute warning before the time is up that he needs to finish eating or it's getting thrown away. Mornings have gone better but some mornings he just moves so slowly. My youngest is 4 so I help her get ready.

ha ha! I keep telling myself 'yelling won't make them move faster' I know this, but it still happens sometimes.
I have started doing more the night before-like having them lay out their clothes and right now checking what the weather will be like so they can choose appropriately. Example-this morning it was 43 degrees, my dd left wearing a short sleeve shirt (I added a jacket) and a super cute skirt-really a summer outfit-I told her she might get cold at recess, but she insisted she wanted to wear the skirt-I let her, it may be a learning experience, but she is 6 so it may not stick! :) I am trying to not be so picky about what she picks to wear in the morning-it's one of those battles I do not need-if we pick out clothes the night before things go much more smoothly. I also tell them breakfast choices as soon as I wake them up so I can fix it while they are getting dressed. I make the coffee and prepare their lunches the night before as well as making sure I have everything I need to take with me ready and I lay my clothes out too.
Also, you might put the toothpaste on the toothbrush :) I understand, sometimes it seems to take an eternity for my dd to put on her shoes!

Make a chart with the tasks listed that they need to accomplish, and set a timer. Whatever does not get done by the time the timer goes off gets done in the car on the way to school. Even if it means sending them out the door in their pajamas or underwear and having them get dressed in the car.

As for the whining, just ignore it. Let them know you can't understand them when they talk that way.

I also like a book called "How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and How To Listen So Your Kids Will Talk." Read it and see if it might help with communicating with your sons better and getting them to be proactive in finding their own solutions to these problems.

Let them know that you are trying to be patient and not yell, but they have to take ownership of their end of things and try to not push your buttons either.

I was thinking about this myself this morning. My oldest missed the bus. My second oldest woke up late and an hour wasn't long enough for her to get ready so she was mad at me when I demanded she had enough time and we were leaving. My five year old was wearing a pair of high waters because they had a hole in them like the rest of his friends are wearing! Then he pulled his socks up over them so we couldn't tell and looked even sillier. I had to change his clothes, give the oldest a ride to school and drive back (that took 20 mins and come back and take my daughter then bring my youngest home to eat and then get him to school. My mornings are so hectic. When the kids have bad attitudes it is really hard. Sometimes it works when I say "everyone better be to the car by 7:30." My youngest starts an hour later and he is always the first one ready. Other times I've just left and told my daughter to walk. My oldest is good at starting arguments in the car and it drives me crazy. When he catches the city bus all that aggravation is gone but he's been missing that bus the last 3 days. Today he got a ride but was in a good mood. It seems no matter what I say or do it's not right and they argue with me. Hang in there mom.

We have been having this issue lately too. It seems like when the morning starts off rocky, the rest of the day follows in its footsteps!
Do as much as you can the night before. Baths, clothes set out including shoes and socks, homework checked off and in backpacks, backpacks and jackets set next to the door. I have even heard of moms having their kids sleep in their clothes in extreme cases!
Get up before your kids do. You will feel better if you can get your cup of coffee down before you have to start helping everyone get ready.
Write down what needs to be done and post it on the wall. My oldest is 7 and asks me to write down everything, he says that is the only way he can remember.
You could make allowance contingent on kiddos being ready to go on time every day. Or in the morning, tell them "If you can be ready (teeth brushed, hair combed, dressed...) by 8:30 am and no whining, then we can go to the park after school/ have a friend over/go to the library". This generally works well for motivating my kids.