Do You Get an Opinion from Your Spouse

As a mother, I am perfectly capable of making a decision by myself and so are you! I wouldn't tolerate this--if my husband did this to me. Some decisions are for both parents- but not something like this!

I would not in this situation nor would he...he or I may call and say "BTW taking the dog to the vet to get this lump looked at"...other person would say "ok"...if one of us thinks it needs looking at/tended to we do it (even with the kids)...if there is second guessing yes we talk it out with opinions.

I would've made the appointment before consulting with my husband. Since you said he doesn't usually second guess you, I'm thinking that his reaction has little or nothing to do with the appointment and everything to do with his fear that there is something seriously wrong with the dog.

I'd not respond to his complaints and perhaps express some sorrow and concern about the dog's health. This is a fight not worth fighting.

In my house he would have got a doctors report when he got home.

If you have a mysterious lump, you go to the doctor RIGHT AWAY. You did the right thing.
I don't wait for my husband to assess the situation or consult with him generally unless it is going to be a ginormous expense or if he has the expertise to handle the problem by himself. If I am having a computer or electronics problem, he is the one I will check with first, since he is knowledgeable about computers and can save us some money fixing it himself. For most situations, I just take care of it myself or call the experts. No need to interrupt him at work, plus he tends to be a bit slower at tackling the smaller things I run by him, ya know?

Most people consider their dog to be part of the family.
If your child came up to you and was panting heavy in the middle of the night and had a big mass on his belly would you take him straight to the doctor or would you wait for your husband to chime in? Of course you would go straight to the doctor.
We had a dog too, one I wasn't all that excited about, but one day he was inside and started to heave. Poor thing ran right outside and barfed up blood and started foaming at the mouth. I called my husband in a panic and told him I was taking the dog to the vet! Didn't even explain why! And I went with 3 kids. I, like you, hate going to the vet. So, my husband knew that if I was going then it must be serious.
I am in charge of my home, the kids, school, EVERYTHING. My husband rarely has a "say" in what goes on because he TRUSTS that I will make the right decision.
L.

Many times I just get it done. I would have made the appointment, too, and told him later. The times to discuss it further is when the news is bad or expensive.

My husband always did that because of the $$ but in the end he knew I wouldn't rest until she was checked out. I'm glad you made the appt.

No, I don't. And you shouldn't either. Your husband will feel like a horse's rear if the vet tells you that your dog has cancer. Sorry, but I think your husband is being a jerk for this. Why on earth does he think that he is better equipped in that brain of his to "assess the situation" with your dog? He's not a vet.

I'm annoyed with your husband right now too, if you can't tell!

I hope so much that your dog is okay. Please let us know...

Dawn

If it's something I think needs checked out and I can do it without him I will.

First, I am sorry your dog isn't doing well. It may be that your husband is in denial about this (add to that, we are rolling into the holidays and I know guys often see money signs when vet bills and presents are mentioned.)

I think you are annoyed, and that's okay. He hasn't had the experience of feeling a mass that you did, and maybe can't relate, so doesn't understand the rush.

For what it's worth, my husband is out of town and I am certain that if our aged kitty needs to go to the vet, I will "do" first and consult later. Let me also say that when it comes to my husband and I regarding kitty, he's very much on the low-key side when I see stuff which upsets me. For example, when kitty pukes 7 times in a day, I am on the 'worried stiff' end of the continuum while he's more of a 'let's wait and see what tomorrow brings' kind of guy. I think that, unless it is right in their faces, some people will automatically default into 'what's the big deal?'

Let us know how things go with the vet.

In this situation no - I know our dog(s) inside and out. I know when something is wrong and when they have to be looked at. I'm glad you made the appointment. Good luck!!

I'm a SAHM who is home all day with the family dog. I provide 99.99 percent of the dog's care, even on weekends. Even when I was terrified about getting a dog because of me fears and never having one growing up. They promised to take care of the dog, but I am home. They are busy. It falls to me. Now of course, I love the dog. I would not for one second ask permission to take him to the vet when I think he needs to go. I just take him.

i wouldve probably called and explained the sittuation first but thats J. M.

if it was reversed he wouldve made the appointment and told M. after

we J. do things a bit diferent but i dont think either way is bad

ecspecially since its not like the appt. is right now. he can veto your decision when he gets home if he;d like

I think that the way you handled it is close to what I'd do. I would tell him just because we talk about what's going on, but I wouldn't hold off action pending his response.

I only asked his opinion on big decisions that would have a major impact on us both - like when some friends offered to give us their old car.
I have sense enough to know if I need to take a pet to the vet or not.

I do get my spouse's opinion on most things, especially if it involves spending money. I do however make decisions without getting his opinion when it is necessary, like in the case of taking the dog to the vet. My hubby LOVES his dog, so if I suggested I thought he needed to be seen by a vet, my hubby would go right along with it. If he thought the dog needed to see the vet, he would get my opinion before making the appointment, but if I said I didn't think it was necessary, he would probably go ahead and do it just because he loves the dog so much. BTW, I also love the dog and would never deny him medical care!

Hope your dog is okay.

My husband usually doesn't have an opinion until after the fact. Then he doesn't like my decision. Ten years after we bought our house he tells me he doesn't like our house. Even if I ask him if there is anything he would like me to get from the store, he'll say no. Then when I get home he'll ask "why didn't you get ___." Oh, well. I guess I always get my way...

I think that you're just annoyed, too. But I think you did the right thing to call the vet.

The pets are basically my responsibility, so I don't need to ask about these things. But on many other things I do. It's good to have the input and, since my husband's opinions are usually different from mine, it gives me a different perspective to see from. The solution comes out better that way.

Just a thought, but could it be that he was trying, in his own bizarre way, to comfort you and maybe even himself? I don't necessarily look to my husband for approval, but opinion on things, yes. And of course, if I feel a trip to the doc is warranted, whether it's the kids or the dogs, I call! And there are also times I may not worry much, but he does! LOL! (and in your situation, I probably would have called vet right away too.)

I really hope your dog feels better soon. I would of done the same thing you did. My dog has fatty lump and was breathing hard at night ect. Turned out he needed meds for an upper respitory infection.
L

Ditto Jo W.
Same here.

My husband is in the military and gone all the time. If he's available and it's convenient, I ask his opinion. If he's gone or out of touch, it's up to me. Sometimes making decisions is just plain crappy, and to be second-guessed by a partner is annoying! I feel ya!

Stick to your guns on this one. You did the right thing. And politely remind your husband of the ear infection.....

Bottom line: include husband if it's easy and convenient. If not, or if time is of the essence, trust yourself to do the right thing! And if it turns out to be nothing, applaud yourself for trying to make things right.

You have mama's intution for a reason . . . unless you constantly jump the gun (and it doesn't sound like you're that type) then I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't have consulted my husband about it unless I wasn't really sure one way or the other.

Unless your husband is a vet, I don't see how his assessment of the dog's mass would be any more important or accurate than your assessment. You're an adult. He's treating you like a child in this situation. You're right; he's wrong.

all issues with the pets and vets have been left to me to handle (and that includes when they got very old, cancer, and what treatment and end of life decisions.) My husband told me to please just keep him from seeing the bill. I make many of the household and childcare decisions without his input also. I think your guy is over reacting here. Hope your doggie is okay.

I do a lot with out checking in with hubby. He is usually really happy I take things upon myself and just get it done.

hm. i usually let him know that i'm going to do it, and he hasn't (yet) argued with me about it.
i'm with you on this one.
khairete
S.

I guess when you have a family pet and a medical issue comes up, it should be a family decision, especially if the vet bill is going to affect the finances. I rely on my husband to help with many decisions from how to word emails to teachers properly, to pet decisions, money, children's school work, etc.

Some husbands and wives discuss everything and others don't. It depends. However, if there's a real emergency then you don't have to discuss with your husband first. Hope your dog is ok.

My husb may like to think he's the boss of me but he's not. Nobody is.
This isn't the 1950's. I actually have an opinion & a voice. Thank heavens.

I have always worked, made good money, paid my half of all bills & paid the vet bills.

Since, I'm now a SAHM, he thinks he has all control.
So I do whatever I can to bring in money to help and to have control over my own life.

I take care of all of the dogs' needs. I wanted them so it is my responsibility. If it were up to him, the dog's would never be seen by the vet. I have a responsibility to these dogs and I do it! While he doesn't like the expense, he has his hobbies that cost $.

I'm glad you took the dog in. Sometimes we just need to take care of things.

Updated

My husb may like to think he's the boss of me but he's not. Nobody is.
This isn't the 1950's. I actually have an opinion & a voice. Thank heavens.

I have always worked, made good money, paid my half of all bills & paid the vet bills.

Since, I'm now a SAHM, he thinks he has all control.
So I do whatever I can to bring in money to help and to have control over my own life.

I take care of all of the dogs' needs. I wanted them so it is my responsibility. If it were up to him, the dog's would never be seen by the vet. I have a responsibility to these dogs and I do it! While he doesn't like the expense, he has his hobbies that cost $.

I'm glad you took the dog in. Sometimes we just need to take care of things.