Do You Ever Get Tired of the CONSTANT Critiquing?

LOL... In my family we have a saying:

"Ask a silly question... get a silly answer."

Oh... I don't dress him at all in the winter. I stripped that shirt off before going outside! Wouldn't want him from getting sick.

Oh no. Babies melt in water. I never bathe him. Ever.

Actually, I'm creating a harem.

Oh. I left him on his own. He's supposed to have the house cleaned and dinner ready for me by the time I get back. I left him the spare keys, though, so if he needs to run to the store he can.

etc.

i used to.
then i got good and tired of it. and courteously but firmly started replying to critiques in a fashion that stopped 'em in their tracks.
apparently i've developed 'scary crone face' since those days. people tend not to do it to me any more.
keep working at it. you'll develop a good 'don't even go there' expression too.
:) khairete
S.

Tell them that you appreciate their advice but that you feel criticized and that you would like them to give you the benefit of the doubt on your parenting choices.
If they won't get off your back, get this t-shirt for your son to wear
http://www.cafepress.com/racyrebel.253055523

I know the message on the shirt is probably rude, but I do get non constructive advice and can see the benefit. :) My kids both have Type 1 diabetes and EVERYONE and their dog has to weigh in on how to "cure" them, what I should/should't feed them and, my personal fave- what I did to MAKE them have T1D. *Sigh* I just want to tell people to stuff a sock in it sometimes. :)

@ Suz, Please tell me how to do "scary crone face"! That sentence made me laugh so hard!

Yes, and you are not alone. I think the more people you have in your life and it doesn't matter if you are a single mom, married mom, SAHM, or a working out of the house mom, you get criticized about one thing or the other at some point about the decisions you have made. Some people just move their mouths without thinking about what they are saying even if they may be hurting your feelings. It's hard to practice being tough skinned all the time too.

I love Sunshine's shirt...that's cute!

No, and if I were you I would tell them all where they could shove it.

I have had issues with individuals like this in my life in general. As hard as it felt at the time, I found that when it came to people that were constantly making me feel bad, or ruining my day, I found it best to just limit my contact with them, and tell or share with them as little as possible. That way, there was no think to dissect and pick at for them. I would not reveal that this is why I was keeping more quiet (because it was always met with promises of less talk, unsolicited advice that was promptly forgotten once i let my guard down again), I just vowed to myself that I'd ask for help and advoce from whom I wanted to and would keep conversations light and unrevealing with the 'peanut gallery'. Times that it became apparent that these individuals NEEDED to know my business as a means of alleviating their own boredom by causing drama, or using my life to make themselves feel better, I slowly started to cut them out of my inner circle.

Mmm...not this specific issue, but sometimes I feel like a number of people in my life think they are entitled to treat me like I am stupid (in general) yet I should be able to provide them with any knowledge they'd like (that they could look up themselves). They also snap at me - then get upset if I don't respond calmly and cooly.

Depending on who it is and where they are in their lives, I may respond like Riley J below, I may direct them to their own answers, or I may just act like they are behaving normally. I try not to allow how they let themselves behave affect how I behave. Which may be why they think I should *always* be calm. Still...I do not always pull this off. And if they don't like it when I lose my cool *back*? So....not my problem.

Find a way to ignore it or diffuse it. "Mom, someone trusted you enough to raise me so trust ME to raise my son." Or "You are entitled to your opinion but I disagree." Or "Do you know how critical/mean you sound? Would you want someone to talk to you like you talk to me?"

I have also had to learn, as the older sister and older cousin, to shut up. All my life the older 3 cousins have doled out advice to the younger ones, but we're all grown women now. My next oldest cousin (with a baby of her own) also says she has to refrain from telling her sisters what to do. If you think it's misguided advice like that say, "Hey, Sis, I got this, OK? Remember how you felt/feel with your own kid? When I need you, I'll tell you."

You might be too sensitive because of your situation. This is a good place to vent. People who have done everything 'right' (go to college, get a good job then married and have a baby at the age society thinks is best) still get critiqued. I had an old lady order me to put shoes on my child (she was in a stroller). That stranger had no place to come up to me and tell me how to parent, yet she chose to do so. She had no idea my child kicked off her shoes 3 times and I almost lost one, so I think it made more sense to keep them off and under the stroller while shopping at Trader Joe's. I really had to bite my tongue.

Anyway, some people like to do their good deed by telling others how they should be.

I've had days like that.

I used to have a job like that. I was so glad to quit and be doing something else.

Some people can only "help" through criticism.

Good luck to you and yours.

Yup, I used to, then I told the critics to either accept me for who I am and how I live my life or get out of my life. And yes, that includes family.

I am too busy to be annoyed and ticked off. When I'm angry I tend to shut down and brood. Being under harsh criticism makes me angry. I may not have loads of support but I would gladly deal with little support than deal with support that comes along with opinions, smart alec remarks and put downs. It's emotional draining.

Can you tell these people the same thing you've posted here? You think it will help or make it worse? What do you have to lose?

sounds like you have some very critical friends and family? that don't trust you to live your life and raise your child?

it would drive me nuts. completely. i was raised to be independent and my family does not interfere.

(that's not to say they aren't wealths of information and there for me constantly. they just don't criticize)

you can end the cycle and make sure you don't treat YOUR child that way :)

I hear you! when my mother visits us, she usually stays for a few days which I'm fine with because I love and miss her but oh God! the constant critics about EVERY freaking thing I do (with the kids especially); how much salt I sprinkle on my eggs, how strict I am with my oldest (because i make her do her homework), how I should do this and that. ughhh it gets soooo tiring. Also, I'm 36 so it's NOT an age thing, sorry I'm not giving you hope but for me it has never stopped :o(

I LOVE RileyJ's response, that's pretty much the method I've adopted over the last 16 years. My Mom has been nothing but perfect, seriously, she offers advice only when she thinks I really need it and has been honestly supportive. Others not so much...so I have a lot of "here's your sign" responses ready. :)