Do You Ever Feel "Ready" at Any Age?

From the time I brought the first one home from the hospital to watching the last graduate from college I've basically been parenting on the fly. The best we can hope for is to not give them too many things to tell their therapist. I've always said that when I bought a clock radio I got an instruction book for that model. Same with my toaster, coffee maker, and microwave. But you get a kid and where's the manual for that model? Nowhere to be found.

Remember you are more ready than you think. You don't know all the answers because the questions have yet to be asked. Make mistakes out of love not out of fear or anger. And most important love him for the person he is right now.

Honestly, I do feel ready. This is the way it is suppose to be so I try to celebrate each stage even though it is often bittersweet. (I have a daughter moving away to college next month.)

I buried my son. Everything about that was unnatural. I think that experience has put other things into perspective for me.

Life comes at you all the time whether you are ready or not.
We just take a deep breath and plunge into it!
With our 17 yr old son - he will be a senior in Sept (18 in Oct - he's voting in his first election this year!) - he's so adult like already it's difficult sometimes to know how much mothering he wants (and he does want some) vs how much independence.
It's 2 steps forward and sometimes one step back - so we're making progress!

This time next year we'll be packing him off to college.
I am STUNNED at how quickly time has passed!
I'm going to have to get in touch with who I was before I became a mother.

I found this site that I think is really going to help me get my head around being a parent of a senior/college kid - I like what I've read so far:

http://grownandflown.com/

The readiness hasn't been a problem, but this gradual letting go is a killer for me!! He's such a neat person to be around that I'm going to miss him like crazy when he's gone. You parent to raise the best possible person he can be and then you have to let him go. SO not fair, but it WILL be fun to watch what he does in this world!

I take the days as they come, knowing that if there is one predictable thing about raising kids, it is that changes will be constant.

I have teenagers now. I've told my friends with younger kids that as soon as you have a good handle on parenting the kid at their current stage, something will change. There will always be challenges at every point, but there will also always be something to enjoy. Grow with your kid.

Wake up every day and handle your business as it is presented to you. When a situation can be pre-managed, you will manage it. When something surprises you, that's not your fault. You just manage that too.

Oh, my gosh, YES. I just take it one day at a time, one thing at a time and really hope I don't screw up. My kids are going to be HS Seniors this year. They don't know what they want to do. I tell them that is okay. They can figure it out as they go along, as long as they try. If they sweep it under the rug, then they will have a problem. Unfortunately, they keep getting told they have to figure it out right now. "sigh" Anyway, one of my girls tells me she is almost an adult and she is not ready. What is she going to do? How will she do it? and on that line. I just try to teach them that they are in charge of where their lives take them and teach them it is okay to not know something right away but try to figure it out.

I actually never considered readiness. Just kind of got up each day and took what came. It isn't like they have a birthday and suddenly change. How do you even do the mental gymnastics to not feel ready? Like do you assume this or that will happen? What if none of it happens do you wake up one day and realized you worried for nothing? Do you say oh, I guess I was ready because nothing was as I have planned? That seems to say you weren't ready, I think.

Kind of lost me.....

It's okay. As D. D. says, there's no manual. It does make us think about what our parents did with us at that age (or didn't do). But that also can open us up to the realization that we just have no idea how our parents felt - which is a good window into how clueless our own teens are about us.

I think parenting is a process. You try things on, you make more gradual moves than sudden ones, and you absolutely have to have enough confidence to stay ahead of the teen. That doesn't mean you know everything; it just means that you are absolutely certain that you know more than he/she does!

Recognizing that this is an in-between stage is part of it. You'll find that your teen wants tons of independence and very little responsibility. So that's the first tip-off that he's not ready for as much as he thinks. What we found very helpful was to attach a new responsibility to each new privilege. So, being allowed to stay home alone means being responsible enough to, say, be in charge of his own laundry (wash, dry, fold, put away). Being allowed to go to the movies or the mall alone, or to have a cell phone, or to have unsupervised internet privileges (well, moderately supervised anyway) means X, Y and Z get added. He always wants money? So you get him a back account (they have no-fee accounts for teens) and you let him start to learn to manage it rather than just hit you up for $20 every time you turn around.

You'll find this a very helpful custom once he's 16/17 and wants to drive! You'll already be in the habit of expecting more of someone who is constantly telling you that he's not a kid anymore and is trustworthy. So, you basically agree with him: "You're right, I agree that you are capable of so much more than you were before. So you'll have no problem being more responsible and learning new skills you will need when you leave our house as an adult."

My son's college roommate was an extremely bright kid who never used an ATM machine until his senior year because his loving mom would drive 4 hours each way to bring him cash every 3 weeks. He had no idea how the recycled paper, plastic and cardboard got from the dorm room to the collection center on the first floor because he had never, ever been expected to carry his own stuff out to the garage bins when he lived at home. He certainly couldn't wash clothes, iron, or cook. So start giving your son a new skill at least every 2-3 months, and you'll really have a well-rounded kid by the time he heads to college or the working world! As you start to measure his progress, you'll feel more confident about your parenting.

And based on some recent questions on Mamapedia, if you haven't had the sexual health talk (or, much better, a series of them), START! They need the facts of sex and reproduction, but they also need to learn that "No means no" before they start dating.

I was always excited to enter the new phase. I use that word because everything with raising kids seems to be temporary and soon replaced by another phase.

The teenage years will be challenging in a completely different way. Where the younger years you were teaching them things, now is more a time of fine tuning and observing. I think you looking at your son as a "junior adult" is brilliant and will serve both of you well.

These next few years are going to go by very quickly. Enjoy every moment.

Learn by doing. You will make mistakes, but you don't have to be a perfect parent to be more than good enough.

Listening to him, giving him a reasonable amount of discipline, and not saving him from all failures are important for this age.

Yep. Constant learning curve. And then you "think" that you'll have a better grasp for the subsequent kids because you've already covered that age. But nope. Different kid. Different personalty. Different life. Different parenting required.

no i don'e ever feel ready for the age they are going to be. but i know many people who have been there and ask for help when i need it

I feel the same way!! Each stage ahead seems so daunting. I love what Diane D says- you're more ready than you think. If I have specific concerns, I ask friends with kids that have been there- I grilled a neighbor about high school issues. But mostly, I just remind myself that this is a new stage and I'm nervous about the unknown. But I'm sure you've done a great job so far, so whatever parenting skills you have that got you through every other stage will also help with this next one. You'll be fine!!