Do I Need to Butt Out

Offering to go to her appt with her is a fine show of love and support. And this you have already done. There is nothing more you can do. She already knows.

:)

She's afraid to be told there is something wrong. Understandable... But, you should tell her its important to go in. You love her and want her to be healthy... Just don't beat her into the ground with persistence. Tell her once, very sincerely, then let it go.

i wouldn't butt COMPLETELY out...but tread carefully. she is scared of what she will find out. i would mention it once, maybe another two times, but then let it go. she will come to resent it. but mentioning it more than once is not a crime - sometimes people need a bit of a push and if it gets her to go, then great. i just wouldn't harp on it.

Yep, you need to butt out. She is a grown woman who can decide whether or not she wants to see a physician. Yes, it is recommended that every woman get a check up... A recommendation, not the law!
If she feels she does not want to take advantage of preventative care that us her business.
As for not getting pregnant, I know plenty of couples who are trying, but who also have decided not to seek any fertility medicine...sometimes as a decision of their faith. I am sure if she and her husband decide it's time to seek help they will.
Healthcare and particularly fertility is a very private and sensitive topic...I would stay out if it!

Being someone who virtually NEVER goes to the doctor, I say it might not hurt to mention it gently once or twice, but then let it go. By mentioning it, you are putting the seed in her mind, but it's up to her whether to go or not. I had a hyterectomy when I was 24 years old; I'm not in my early 50's. I had my first OBGYN appt. since having my hysterectomy just about 3 weeks ago. Don't ask me what prompted me to do this after so many years, but for whatever reason I went. (I have, however, had two mamograms; I intend to keep up with those.)

So don't bug her too much because that will just piss her off; just gently mention it once or twice and leave it at that. You could also mention that she doesn't necessarily have to talk to the doc about fertility issues, just get a pap, breast exam and whatever else is included in an annual exam.

You care and sound like a wonderful woman.

She is a grown, sane woman of normal intelligence. Her health is never your responsibility. You can offer, but it is her decision.

Well, before I read your question (and just read the headline) my answer was "YES!" because if you have to ask yourself if you should butt out, the answer is that you probably should.

However, I would encourage her...maybe through humor, or a card or something like "I'd love to accompany you to an appointment for your lady parts". It's important and 5 years is a LONG time to not see your doctor. I had a friend who had trouble conceiving and found out they had serious advanced cancer. It's rare that's the outcome, but still worth avoiding at all costs.

I'd drop it though if she gets fussy about it.

"Sis, I don't want to overstep my boundaries, but I'm concerned for you. You can tell me to butt out forever on this subject when I'm done but I only want the best for you, and right now that means that I hope you'll agree to go to an OB/GYN appointment. You know our family history, so when you told me you hadn't been in five years, I got anxious and that's why I'm bringing this up again. I just love you so much and don't want anything to get missed, just in case. If you say no and tell me never to bring it up again, I won't, I promise, and I'll respect what you tell me."

some of us just don't have much faith in doctors.
:)
let her know you're concerned, reiterate your lovely offer to accompany her, and then butt out.
khairete
S.

She knows she is overweight and she knows she "should" be going to the doc. Really--there's nothing you can "make" her do.
It IS ultimately up to her!

Encourage her.

You can't make her go, but you can just encourage her to. Tell her you love her and want her to take care of herself.

Other than sharing with her what has worked for me, yes I would butt out.

Their is a difference in my opinion, between encouraging/supporting and making someone do something. For example, my own husband has not seen an actual physician since 1997 when he had his appendix out. I have tried to make him go, did not work. It is a constant wedge between us. He swears he will go at such and such, and he never does. Some people just refuse the obvious. Of course I have mentioned my own fears about him not going, but to no avail-he refuses.

Bottom line, you can't make someone go. You can encourage, and support them to go though. I tell myself all the time that if I didn't try to help him see the importance, or support and encourage him that I woudln't be doing my job as his wife. It's the truth. I know for a fact that if ( God forbid) something happens, at least I loved him and tried my darnest to get him healthy. That's all you can do is encourage. I dont' shove it in his face all the time. However, when the opportunity presents itself, I take it.

You have to also remember that it isn't your own life. It's theirs. They have the choice. Not you. It's very hard because you want what's best. I know, trust me. You can only have faith that all of your efforts won't be in vain.

If you gently tell her that you would love for her to see a doctor for a check-up since it's been so long, and then leave it be, I don't see a problem.

There are times when you do need to speak up to the people you love, even if it may ruffle some feathers. If I were in your shoes, I'd bring up how she mentioned not going to a doctor in several years and that I thought it'd be a good idea for her to get a check-up. I wouldn't talk about the baby stuff since obviously they've made their choice. Focus instead on her general health since that matters the most. If she gets defensive and turns you down then fine, you tried. If not, it may plant a seed for later.

while I do agree 5 years is a long time....if she's symptom-free, then I wouldn't worry.

I am saying this only because I skipped a couple of years & my ob/gyn wasn't concerned. I'm now on a 2 year interval. My mom goes yearly, but only does a pap every 3 years. Things/requirements change as you age. & this opinion applies to the gyn only...not mammograms - we both stick to a yearly schedule for that. :)

I understand your concerns. I understand her denial.....& that's what this is: denial. She hasn't conceived & doesn't think her relationship/life will survive "knowing" what's wrong.

As for weight: being under or over can affect her ability to conceive. Again, it's her life choices at question here.....& her denial of the issues. I'm just not as worried about the 5 years as you are.....been there/done that & dr was okay with it. :)

You are a wonderful sister:)

If I were in your shoes, I would have a heart to heart with her. Here's what I would say: "(Her name), I love having you as my sister. This comes from the bottom of my heart and I say this out of pure love. I want to have you around for as long as possible. I know you don't like to go to the doctor, but you know, our family history isn't the greatest and genetics is not on our side, so would you please just consider seeing a doctor? I want to make sure everything is okay with you. You know, I love you so much and I want to tell you how much joy being a mom has brought to my life. I want you to have that same joys and health in your life as I do in mine. I know it's none of my business, but I love you so much that I want you to be around along time. You would make an awesome mother because you are an awesome sister. Remember sis, I am always here if you need me...you can always count on me."

That amount sums it up. That's what I would say, then I wouldn't bring it up again.

Be very careful. My sister disagreed with choices I made. She wouldn't let it go. I tried to sidestep when she brought it up or asked me for follow up info; she wasn't good at taking the hint. Without escalating into a war, I tried to tell her that it was my business and my choice, not hers. She still didn't take the hint. Now, we are nowhere near as close as we used to be and I don't speak with her anywhere near as often. I just don't call & I don't return her calls as quickly as I used to.

Tread very, very carefully.

Let your sister know if she would like for you to go with her to an appointment you would do that....and after the appointment, the two of you could go out to a great lunch (Sisters Special Lunch...Your TREAT).

Keep us posted....Blessings..

That's VERY scary!! Who is she kidding that she doesn't want to find out who's fault it is? She is scared of the gyno, like most women are. Who really wants to go to that doctor? No one! I skipped one year (2010) and I felt sick to my stomach. I had travel for work and never got back in. I already made my appointment for this year and am excited to go.

My mom had ovarian cancer when I was in high school. Both my older and younger sister have HPV. I do not play with that health. She needs to go. Do whatever you can to encourage her.

And in my experience, weigth has no issue with having babies. I am overweight as is my husband - we had 3 babies and didn't "plan" any of them.

Copy, paste, print, stamp, mail. Your letter is real and heartfelt-not a mean bone in your body, Sweetheart-could be a life changer.

I think that next time you talk to her, tell her exactly what you told us: That you aren't trying to push, but that you think it would be a good idea because of your family health history for her to get a check-up, because you want her to be around to get old with you (say it with humor! :), and also tell her that you think she would be an amazing mom and that a lot of things can be relatively easily fixed or dealt with to enable her to be a mom if that's what she wants.

Sometimes, hearing the words from someone you love can help. She may not know that you feel that strongly (about her health, and that she'd be a good mom).

Then, let it go and accept whatever she decides.

I have a couple of friends like this. They HAD health insurance and STILL wouldn't go to the doctor for exams! Meanwhile I was paying out of pocket for exams and NEVER miss a yearly. We're very close, so I have no problem saying things like, "You're crazy, GO TO THE DOCTOR!" You can say it with some humor and still mean it. But you can't force them. Btw, they both ended up with GIGANTIC grapefruit sized fibroids and major surgery because they let them fester for years.
Now I'm working out a payment plan with my hospital to go have a colonoscopy and nagging both friends to do the same FOR FREE, with their insurance, and they don't "feel like it". Oy vey.

Express your concern for her health due to family history and all that. And then leave it alone.

You can't force her to go. She has to be willing to go herself and find her own reasons.

You can however, tell her that you love her and are there for her for support if she decides to go. Tell her that you care about her and her health and are just wanting her to be around a long time, and that you think she would be a great mom. Also, by going it isn't placing guilt, or blame if they cannot have children, but wouldn't it be nice to know one way or the other?

You can encourage her until forever but the only person that will make her go is herself. Just be there and support her.