Divorce Mediation

First, I am so so sorry. What a difficult time. I'm sure it must be very painful to go through, but if I may give a slightly different pov? Avoid attorneys if at all possible, or look for collaborative attorneys. (This is a lawyer telling you this!)
A lawyer is looking for a fight and while they represent YOUR best interests legally, they have no consideration for your pocket book. They will fight tooth and nail to get you all the things you want, at a very high cost in their fees. You loose sight of the big picture very quickly.
It is perfectly reasonable to ask for 1/2 of EVERYTHING (401k, liquid money, investments, miles, EVERYTHING). Even though Texas has areas of "fault" which through a LONG legal battle may get you more % of the estate, I wouldn't go in gunning for more than 1/2. (keep cost/benefit in mind) Don't pay $10k in legal bills for $5k more from your ex.
Your thoughts ahead on college are a GREAT idea, thats the road you need to keep your mind on during the legal process -- what is TRUELY best for your child.
Don't drag him to court for every non-returned phone call, 5 minute late pick up, or $4 he didn't pay for 1/2 of the Children's Tylenol you had to buy. Many women do that to look more like a victim, but they just come across looking psycho.
There is standardized visitation schedules, which is really best to stick with if at all possible, because it sort of already thinks of everything for you (holidays, birthdays, your birthday, mother's day, winter break, etc.)
Try to resolve it as quickly as possible. Legal bills will run any funds you have OUT extremely quickly. Texas law already lines out standard vistitation, child support, etc. There is no reason you can't resolve it completely in an agreeable manner, and save you both thousands.
Again.... SO VERY sorry! :(

Hi A., sorry to hear about your situation. I went through a nasty divorce myself, but truly hope that yours won't be like that. While having your own attorney, the attorney can negotiate a deal. If that doesn't work, you can go through mediation with your attorney by your side. If all else fails, then you'll go to trial. You need to have a great attorney by your side throughout the process otherwise it can go on forever and cost a lot!! My attorneys were okay but they let it drag on forever (2 years and 120K). My husband is a great attorney, I wish I had him during my divorce! He operates as someone looking out for his client's best interest and that of their children. If it gets nasty on the other side, he fights for his clients, but not over trivial stuff. He counsels his clients, and guides them through the process. He has been through Divorce and Child Custody himself so that gives him a wide perspective on this issue. I've seen him in action, he'll take care of you and let you know too if you ever become unreasonable! :-) You are wise in seeking out advice before it's too late. You can check out his website at www.haugenlawfirm.com. The office # is ###-###-####, call him and set up an appointment for a consult. Best wishes and God bless!!!

If you two have discussed private school at all, make sure and put that in - who will be responsible. Also, if you aren't on the same page about religion, put something in about who makes decisions regarding religion. (as in - say you are Christian, he is Jewish and one of you wants to take him to church)

First, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, and also sorry for your son. As smart as children are, this is a really tough time for them. After many hours of prayer and thought, my daughter divorced this year and has a 4 year old daughter also. Have patients with them because it is a very confusing time for them.

She went through mediation and it was good for them. Because Texas standard divorce laws are so well written out, it was far less expensive than using seperate attorneys. They didn't have any "material" items that had to be divided, just custody and support for their daughter. However, there are a couple of things she let her ex "override" that now she wishes she hadn't.

Stick to the standard visitation. He wanted one extra day added and it has placed added stress on my granddaughter. Her dad is not the best at sticking to a schedule so having one extra day of disruption has made it very difficult for her. She is one of those children that will tell you what she is supposed to do at a certain time of day; it's time for lunch, time for nap. She does not like her schedule to be disrupted.

If at all possible, if you are named the custodial parent, make sure he understands what that means. Your son belongs to both of you and you both have equal rights when it comes to his health, education and well being. But there certain little things that the non-custodial parent can not do. Make sure this is fully explained to him at the time you go through your mediation.

Child support! Be sure to ask for a fair amount but dont let them short you either. It is very difficult and usually expensive to go back and get what should rightfully be paid. The percentage of what is to be paid by the non custodial parent is also very well written out in the standard Texas divorce laws, but be sure that your husband shows all of his income to make sure the amount set is accurate.

A mistake my daughter made was not having the morality clause added. There is no way to know what goes on in your exes home other than what your child tells you after their visit. The morality clause can help keep somethings in check. This is also very well written out in Texas divorce laws, but you have to ask to have it added. The lawyer handling your mediation should ask you about it. That being said, it applies to both parents. But for the sake of the child, it is best that is is added.

Again, I am so sorry that you and your son are having to go through this. And I know that I have not really touched on anything not in the Texas' standard laws, but they are things my daughter has regreted not being in her divorce. I have read most of the other responses and you have received some great advice on things I would have never thought of. Whatever happens, do what is best for your child, always keeping his best intrest in mind.

Prayers for you during this very stressful time.

B.

I am a mother of 2;and also went through a divorce.I'd make sure u get joint custody,usually that means he will get child every other weekend,he would have to keep child covered on insurance,as far as holidays;child will be with 1 parent on the day before or after that holiday & be with the other parent on that specific holiday..I hope I had helped some,Im sorry u have to go through this,as time goes by;it will get better.

most of that is already covered in a standard divorce decree in TX. things that aren't mandatory (but you can ask for) include college, a morality clause (this is one I wish I would've done), and I guess pet expenses, although I don't understand that one at all.

there is already long distance visitation built into the decree. Normally whoever moves has to pay the transportation costs. you can be specific in there if you think your ex will cause problems.

My ex and I already contributed to our son's college, so he agreed to monthly contributions to his college fund. remember, college is a privilege, not a right, so you can't force an ex to help pay for anything after HS graduation. Once they're 18, they're gone in the court's eyes (assuming they've graduated HS).

get matching life insurance policies and make each other the beneficiary and require proof of that once a year. you should already have these anyway, since you're married, but specify it in the degree.

extra curricular activities are normally part of child support, but if you want them broken out, he has to agree to it. for instance, my ex is a big hockey buff and agreed to pay 100% of hockey if our son plays again.

the morality clause is the big one. less than a year after the divorce, my ex let his girlfriend who is 15 years younger move in and my 5 year old son is STRUGGLING with it. he knows it's wrong and it's really affecting his relationship with his dad but dad won't compromise on his new relationship. a morality clause would've prevented any overnights outside the confines of marriage. we had a verbal agreement on this, but he has simply changed the rules to fit his situation. it's nothing I can take him to court over, but it's definitely not good for our son.

do you know where to find the standard TX decree? i can help if you need it...

Get a morality clause!!!!

My best advice would be to forget mediation and get your own attorney who works for YOU and will answer ALL the questions you have listed above. At the very least go to a consult, many will offer free or cheap consults. A mediator does NOT work in YOUR best interests.

Income tax is a conderation. Who claims the child. If you file jointly the year of the divorce and a refund is due, make sure you get your part.