My 3almost 4 yr old twin girls asked why mommy&daddy don't live together I would really appreciate some advice please
It is after a 15 1/2 yr marriage I told hannah& Sophia that sometimes mommys & daddys don't live 2gether that we both love them very much that they live w mommy & uncle James(my brother) that they go to school when mommy goes to work & @ nite we make dinner & get ready 4 next day & on weekends we play & cook out & when they see daddy they have lots of fun going to park & zoo & see nanna. I would never talk bad about him but I'm sure about what goes on when they visit him!! He lives w his mother doesn't work & critisizes me 4 having a career & mother !! He's like an emotional roller coaster he didn't mind it when he had access to the money. It's a very complicated situation mainly because he's so dramatic & makes it that way he has told them to ask me why we don't live 2 gether I want a stable healthy environment 4 my babies & we provide that I feel bad that I have to work & that we have a pretty strict schedule during the week their bedtime is 8pm I read 2 stories & it's sleepy time he doesn't respect bedtime @ all!! So I have to start all over when they come home but I want them to know their dad & not have that void feeling In their little hearts well I've went on long enough I so appreciate the input & if anyone has any more suggestions I truly welcome them:) wish I would have discovered this site sooner
Tell them that sometimes Mommy's and Daddy's make the decision that it is better for them to live in separate households. Explain that you both still love them but they have two homes. Keep it simple for children of that age.
Good luck
There are some great books you can get that are designed for kids that helps explain divorce and talks about their feelings. One of the titles was "What Mommy Does Best" and you flip it to the other side and it is "What Daddy Does Best". There are also some books where they can draw in their feelings. Check out your local book store.
don't make it about your feelings toward your ex or his toward you. just a simple, "honey some mommies and daddies live in the same house, and some live in different houses. but they ALL love their little girls no matter what!" for now that should be all that is needed, unless they've been exposed to fighting, grown up conversations, etc. just reinforce that A. there's nothing wrong with some mommies and daddies not living together, and B. mommy and daddy still love them like crazy. that's all they should need.
Be honest with them about it but also be age approriate. If you got divorced tell them you weren't getting along and thought it would be best if you didn't lived together anymore. If you were never were married and didn't live together then tell them that you have always lived apart. Whatever the answer just make sure it's age appropriate. Your kids will appreciate the fact that you were always honest with them.
Honesty is the best and only policy in my book. If it is b/c of divorce, tell them that mommy and daddy couldn't get along, and knew that they would be happier apart. Read them books about divorce. Be open and honest. There are so many different kinds of families these days, tell them about the different kinds (some kids live with aunts, grandparents, some kids are adopted.) Then explain to them how very loved they are, and how special they are because they have 2 homes, and some kids only have 1. Focus on the positive......good luck!
They are at the age of wanting to know whats going on. It wouldnt' be wrong for you to say that sometimes mommy and daddy don't get along, were still friends but can't be friends all the time. Sometimes' just as you two, meaning your daughters they don't always get along. Try to explain it in a reasonable way so that they don't get the impression that you aren't friends or your just miserable around him. Little one's are smarter than we give them credit for and they don't miss a trick. You can tell them that sometimes you and their daddy talk on the phone, thats if he visits them. Whatever you do don't put down their father, its is something they will remember and as they get older and see their father and wonder why you told them he was bad. They won't see this, and they could hold it against you. If your ex does have visiting rights encourage the girls to go, let them know its okay with you and you want them to know that he loves them, if he is in the picture. Even if you do speak to him and get into a heated arguement don't talk around the girls. You will find that they will act out later and you will wonder what is wrong. When I say acting out I mean more at you. Like I'm not doing this, daddy doesn't make us or why do you make us do things that daddy doesn't. I've been through it all myself and yes sometimes' we slip but I always encouraged the children to see their father. As they got older and didn't want to go I made it a point that they had to phone him and tell him why. My daughter at the age of 13 did go and live with her father and new wife but it only lasted 3mos. she thought the grass was greener on the other side. My ex said to me "whats her problem" and I simply said to him maybe you should have asked before you said yes without finding out what the problem was. It was rules and regulations. He only took her so he wouldn't have to pay child support. So please, listen to your daughters', don't condemn their father in front of them, always let them know you love them unconditionally and they can call you if there is a problem. Good luck and speak in childrens' laymen, they aren't adults.
I just told my daughter at that age that mommy and daddy weren't happy together and that we decided it was better for us to live apart. I also emphasized to her that her daddy and I both loved her very much.
