Distance Between Us

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There is no success that can compensate for a failure in the home. Being a mom is the toughest job you will ever love and the most important job you will ever have.

Being a new mom is hard to do. Being a new dad isn't easy either. You just have to remember your husband came before your child(ren). He needs to remember he made you his number one priority when he said, "I do."

Selfishness is the chief cause of divorce.

It will get better. Especially if you have two or three children. The first child is by far the hardest. Two is much better and three is easy compared to one. I know that is hard to believe, but its true. We found the closer together our kids were born the better they played together and the better they worked together. When you have three and one gets mad and doesn't want to play any more the other two are happy to play together. The mad one sees this and gets over his mad much sooner. This is tremendous for developing social skills and controllling your temper.

BTW, because of my job, I had the chance to meet many adults. We usually had a chance to talk and the topic of kids usually came up. (I have 8 kids.) What I found was almost all parents prefer 4 kids. If they had one child they usually say they wished they had had three more (makes 4). If they had 2 kids, they usually said they wished thay had had two more (makes 4). Etc. The only exception was those families that raised their kids to go on to institutions of "higher learning" like Alcatraz or San Quenton. Then they usually wished they hadn't had any kids.

Things will get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't a train.

Good luck to you and yours.

Read the book "the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Its sort of written for the SAHM. I don't agree 100% with it but it really gives some good insight to men and your situation. Good luck.

Having a child can change a relationship drastically; how much depends on the relationship. The time you spent together now needs to be shared with someone else. It can be very stressful.

However, what you're describing does not sound "normal" to me. It's normal to have a disagreement and to ocassionally feel a little resentment. It is not normal to think about divorce. It appears that neither of you were ready or fully understood the challenges and compromises that come with bringing a child into this world. You shouldn't be mad for giving up your career and social life. You can still have a career if you choose. You still have a social life, only it will be different. He shouldn't get mad if the house isn't completely cleaned. Has he spent a day with the baby, and managed to have a completely clean house when you got home?

You really need to find a compromise and a balance that works for your family. Maybe that means he watches the baby on Sat. afternoons so you can have lunch with the girls, hiring a babysitter so you can have date nights, determing what each of you deems as an acceptably a "clean" house.

My friend though she was just experiencing some baby blues up to 18 months after the baby was born, turns out she actually suffers from depression. You may want to speak with your doctor about the feeling you've been having.

Things will get better, but it won't just magically happen. It's something you need to work on.

Can someone come over and take care of the baby for a little while so you and your husband can go out, just the two of you? Of course, a weekend away would be ideal, but even sharing an ice cream together and looking at the stars might help you feel closer.
My other advice is to make sure that you and your husband align yourselves as a team. Be kind to each other. Cut each other some slack. And remember, there's not really that much worth fighting about.
Write yourself a list of what made you fall in love with him, and look for those things.
Take a half hour in the middle of the night, wake him up, and remind HIM of what it felt like to make love spontaneously.
The first baby can be tough, yes. You and your husband need to look for ways to get closer together, not driven apart. That can be different things for different couples.
Good luck. Here's something you'll be hearing a lot in the next few years: This is probably just a phase!:)

My relationship has been up and down since our son was born. Another mom on here suggested I read the book, "The care and keeping of husbands". I really didn't want to read it. I mean look at the title. I need a little care and keeping of me already. After it was suggested a couple more times on different posts I picked it up. I am on chapter 2 and it has already made a huge difference. I have done everything under the sun to try and get him to help me out and step up and do his part. In the last month I have changed my outlook on our relationship and done just the first step and suddenly he is stepping up all on his own. I seriously suggest going and getting this book.

I felt the same way after my son was born 3 years ago. My husband and I had been married 2 1/2 years when my son was born but we had been together for almost 8 years. I really wasn't expecting the arguing or the resentment I felt. We had just moved a month before my son was born and that might have had something to do with it - but I think a lot of it was just the fact that we both had to adjust to becoming parents. We had to get into a groove that works for all three of us. It has gotten so much better. Your life has changed so much in the last year that it's very understandable to have these feelings. Just don't give up on your marriage. We're expecting our second child in October and I'm already apprehensive about all the changes and how our relationship will change. But I'm confident we will make it through and I'm sure you and your husband will too. Good luck!!

Kids, especially babies, are total marriage-killers.

I wouldn't say children are marriage killers, but more so take the majority of your time, leaving you less time for each other. There are new stresses in your lives, so your focus is much different. Hang in there.