Dissatisfied, "Lost" Working Mom Seeking Advice

Hi J., Three words "I feel lost."

Got Jesus? A Church Family? We were created by God for God.
We were all made with a desire to worship Him. The empty spot could be a void in your spirit that can only be filled by God.

Also, by reading your post, There are alot of referances to "I", "my","I've","I'","I'd","I'm".
I found when I turned my focus off of myself, and joined a church and found God, and then focused on helping others, The Purpose Driven Life, "What Am I Here For?

Hope that helps you find yourself...

Blessings,
C.

Hang in there!! It is very common and not unreasonable to feel this way! I work full time and always feel guilty so I spend all of my spare time with my son... Every minute I can spare, and leave no time for myself, which makes me grumpy, and then I start yelling, so that makes me a bad Mom.. Your kids will not always be 3 and 1, they will grow up soon and you will find yourself with more time for yourself. Raising two young kids and working is HARD WORK... Focus on the good things and know that work will change, you will not always work for the same employer. Make goals for yourself.. You don't have to accomplish them in 2 years, but maybe 10 years. Just hang in there!!! We all feel your pain.

I can completely relate. I am a working mom of two and I provide the health benefits because my husband is self employed. We often struggle financially so I cannot quit my job either. For me, seeing almost all my neighbors being SAHM I feel disconnected to them and I often feel that I should be spending more of my time with my kids or doing something I am passionate about. About a year ago I started working out during my lunch hour and always set aside reading hours when the kids go to bed. I am usually too tired to read much but it definately helps my attitude. I try and read "feel good" books (not self help but just a fun fictional book that takes me away). I also have my sister to "vent" when I am feeling down. All these things have helped me accept my life. I think these feelings will probably come and go through life and we just need to push through them and enjoy our families. Hope this helps. Another perspective, a couple of years ago I quit my job because I wanted something that gave me more free time. I ended up hating that job because I wasn't challanged and went back to my old job, yes my job accepted me back. It was a learning experience that I knew I had to change something about me not my job.

I have felt like this as well at times- for me it was a phase & I overcame it. I do still have dreams and passions that one day I will pursue. I have been told to just start doing them in my spare time- my desire is to write a book. I have started and it is so not complete and I need to work on it alot- but i have kept it in mind. I actually lost it for a few weeks after trying to help so many others in their time of need I decided it was time to stop helping others so much and start looking at my own family to help- i know that sounds selfish but we can really dwell on others to much that it can affect our own family.
Anyway- my suggestion would be to find something you love to do asside from work and being with your family. You most likely don't have a lot of free time anyway after work and taking care of your family but any spare time works. Take time for you. No you are not being ungrateful just lost perspective for a brief moment- you will find it again.

I can totally relate...for me, I've found out that much of my woes come from self-centeredness (even though while in the midst of it, it didn't seem that way). It has been advised to me to write a daily gratitude list...10 things. It's hard because I know in my mind what I have to be grateful for, I just don't neccessarily always feel it and have to work to make that journey from my brain to my heart. That journey always happens, but I also always venture back into only my head. Much also has to do with my attitude and thinking. The day can start over anytime, so when I get in a rut, I like to take a deep breath, read some sort of reflection reading book about life and slap a smile on my face...I make myself get out of it. I know you say you can't afford to quit your job, however the lifestyle you lead sounds like you could cut some corners here and there. I know a man in my hometown who was a doctor. He hated his job because of the lack of time with his family and he was stressed all the time. I couldn't believe it when he did this, but he quit...he quit and started painting houses! This drastically cut back the level of life he was used to living, but reports from him still say after more than 2 years that he is happy and content as is his family. Wow.

Hi J.,

I'm also a working mom, larger income in our family, only one kid and I like my job a lot sometimes, but there have been a few times that I felt that lack of passion and wondered if I could do something different.

It sounds like you aren't ready to give up the perks (and health benefits are a BIG perk) of your current job at this point, so I would spend time making very specific plans about the future.

First of all, are there any jobs with your current employer that you think you could feel more passionate about? If so, would your employer help you to gain the skills necessary to make a transfer into that position? If you've done good work for your manager, it can be worth expressing that you feel you need more challenge or more important projects.

Secondly, if that doesn't go anywhere, think about what kind of work would feel "worth it" to you, and how you can start to gain some exposure to that line of work now. If you are yearning to work for a more idealistic cause, can you find any time to volunteer for that cause now? Or find a few books on the subject, or a seminar? If you can start to make your future plans more concrete, that might help you keep sane until the kids are a bit older and larger changes are possible.

Good luck, and here's to finding passion in all aspects of our lives!

Sometimes, when you are working full time and trying to be a mom full time somewhere in the middle you loose your identity. I would suggest finding 5 min in your day to do something for you. Whether it is read a book, pick up a hobby, learn a new talent. I would not suggest using your "me" time to shop (as this will add to your stress), but exercise or reading are wonderful things to do! And then the second thing that I think you need (as ironic as it sounds) is get involved more with either your work, kids, church, or community. By looking outside of your self you start counting your own personal blessings. When you start looking at what you have been blessed with this helps you appreciate what you have. When you dwell on the things you want or can't have then you find yourself lost and frustrated. Even stay at home mom's have this problem. There has been more than once, that I thought "oh if I could just work a few hours a week I wouldn't feel so frustrated with my kids or husband, then I could spend my money, not his money" But I realized that we (my husband and I) where in this together and by working together we function better.

Think more positive and good luck!