Displaced Hyperchondria

I wish I could. I was the same way with my daughter, however, it switched from being worried about her to being worried about myself. It took therapy and yoga to break the cycle. However, it is back again after losing my mom, but I know I am no where close to what I was before and can get back to very little worrying again. It just takes time.

I really, really think the right therapis/counselor would be of great help.

So sorry to hear of your losses. I too suffered two miscarriages (one at 12 and one at 7 weeks) before having my first. I'm now on baby number 2 and I'll tell you, that feeling that something will go wrong is ALWAYS in the back of my head. With practice and support I managed to squash it down with my son, and keep it back with my daughter. Even at 5 years old I still think sometimes that something bad is going to happen to my son!

It's fairly normal to feel this way... now, what to do about it....

I found it very helpful to lean on members of the babyloss support group I belong to who also had children about the same age. They often had the same feelings and fears. They would give honest opinions about when I should go see a dr about my fears and when I was just being a nut. If you do not belong to a support group, there are many out there. You'll have to find one that feels comfortable to you, or else you won't want to confide in them.

I have friends that belong to local groups that meet in person, but I belong to an online group that's based in the UK and communicates via online forum and facebook. How ever you choose, find people with similar circumstances and lean on them. It really does help. Good luck.

I would look into the fact that you may have Post Partum Depression. I doesn't always come in the form of depression but worry and anxiety like you have and I had also. It is so challenging to feel the way you're feeling so please get help as soon as you can!!

Warmly,
M.

I think evey new mom goes through this to some degree, but please be careful. I used to worry a lot and would just always try to remember that millions of new babies cough, or whatever the symptom and really are just fine. I would try to look at my son overall...was he eating well, peeing and pooping? Did he seem happy? A quick check of these things usually settled my uneasy feelings. I say be careful because if you really are not sleeping b/c of these worries then it could be more serouis....talk to someone you love, talk to your doctor. Make sure you take care of you. Good luck.

Have you considered postpartum depression? It can look like anxiety - which is what you have described. Chastising yourself to "stop this foolishness" isn't going to help - only make you feel worse. Moms all worry about our children - my friend admitted she worried about her daughter drowning in the toilet even though it was locked. First off, I'd say turn off the TV and go outside and play with your daughter. Then I'd suggest talking to your doctor. I know first hand how postpartum depression can manifest itself in different ways. The best thing I ever did for my son (and for myself, but it started off for my son) was to address the depression - and it was chemical imbalances, not my mindset. Life shouldn't be such a struggle. Having had a mom with depression, I know first hand that we need to talk about it and not hide it as a shameful thing. It's your body, not your mind. And children need parents who are balanced.

I think it's just being a new mom. I was a worrier when I had my 1st too. As time went on and nothing horrible happened, I started to relax.

If you can't sleep because of worry, you need to try to force yourself to think of other things. Pop in some headphones and listen to relaxing music or nature sounds. Think of something happy, whatever works for you.

If you still have trouble sleeping, you really should talk to your doctor.

Relax Mamma, she'll be just fine :)

You need to look for ways to treat your anxiety...see if someone can refer you to a good doctor..good luck!

I went through this a bit too. It is prettty normal. Focusing on myself helps, a lot. I take kickbox then yoga every Sun am, get a latte here and there, read at night for fun instead of chores and reading books about kids development/parenting etc.Good luck mama, she will be awesome.

I suspect some of it is simply being a new mom, and some of it is having a history of miscarriages. I would consider doing the following things:
1) Join a group that deals with miscarriages. This may help deal with your losses and fears.
2) Join a mom's group with a general focus (not focused on loss). This may help provide support and help you develop a different mindset.
3) Sign up for an exercise class.
4) Learn a new instrument or something else new.
5) Do some volunteer work.
6) Take on a part-time job (if you're not already working).

Basically, the point is to change your pattern and expand your horizons beyond your current situation. You can bring your daughter along with you to some of these things or make arrangements for her to be safe somewhere.

When I have an opportunity to think too much, I can get myself into some crazy cycles of thinking. I don't mean to keep yourself so busy that you don't do any reflecting at all. But expanding your life experiences to more than just you and your new bundle of joy can be very therapeutic.

If none of these things (choose one or two or so) seem to help, then I would consider if therapy would help. Counseling can provide a healthy perspective in the times when we forget to keep our own balance. It is a sign of strength to know when you need outside help and when you don't.

My best to you. I suspect having lost two babies, you are delighted to have your new daughter and fearful of any additional losses. That in itself can be a delightful and stressful endeavor!

Peace to you!
S. : )