Disinviting Someone to Be a Bridesmaid

Maybe your daughter should just call her cousin and ask her for herself, especially since she got a text message already inviting her. If the bride really is scaling back on her bridesmaids, fine but she really needs to be upfront and let your daughter know. Just keep in mind that weddings can be extremely stressful, expensive and emotional...there are so many people involved in the planning and so much to do that sometimes peoples feelings can get hurt unintentionally...I really wouldn't make a big deal about it.

I would bet that in the excitement of a new engagement the cousin was so very excited and invited everyone she's related to and been good friends with to be in her wedding in her happiness. Then the reality set in and she realized the cost, the complexity, the stress... and the size was probably out of control before she knew it.

I'm sure that it's nothing personal. It's very likely that your niece is very overwhelmed and is embarrassed about the faux pas. The only way for her to get out of it is for your daughter to be gracious and to give her a way out. Call her or visit her in person to congratulate her on the engagement. I wouldn't really continue to confront her and make her uncomfortable though since it seems very clear that invitation to be in the wedding party has been rescinded. If the bride changes her mind or that's not the case, then she'll contact your daughter on her own and clear things up. Just assume for now that your daughter is a guest. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Weddings are sticky and stressful for all involved, even when you're laid back. Being the bigger person and reducing the bride's stress in this instance would be a great engagement gift.

It sounds like the mom was trying to drop a hint to you that your daughter was not needed as a bridesmaid any longer. They may be reluctant to answer your texts/calls because they may be embarrassed.

As you and your daughter know, weddings are very stressful and very expensive. I'm sure they didn't intent to hurt your daughter, but they may have just realized that they can't afford the wedding they want and are simply too embarrassed to talk to both of you. Was it rude not to answer your daughter's texts/messages??? YES, but, give them a pass this time.

Just have your daughter mail a note and leave a phone message to this affect: "I recall your aunt saying that you're scaling back on the number of bridesmaids, and since you haven't confirmed that I would be in the wedding party then I'm assuming that I am not. I want you to have a special wedding day, so let me know if you need my help with anything. Wishing you all the best."

This is a great opportunity to teach your daughter to take the high road and be the better person. Not to be a doormat of course, but to be of good character and to let her cousin know there are no hard feelings. Remember, wedding planning is soooo stressful!

All the best - give your daughter a big hug!!

Why doesn't she just call her cousin and ask her herself?

Oh! Tough situation. I would have your daughter call her cousin and mention that she knows she's scaling back on # of bridesmaids and was just wondering if she decided on the final wedding party. Hopefully the cousin is polite and sensitive to the situation, especially if your daughter is NOT one of the chosen ones. Normally I would say it's the bride's responsibility to make this phone call, but since they played phone tag before and your daughter is still wondering, it will have to be up to your daughter to make the call.

i would tell my daughter to make the PHONE CALL - NOT A TEXT and if she can't reach the bride say "I realize that you may have changed your mind - please let me know so I can plan accordingly."

Use the KISS method (Keep It Simple Silly) and go from there!

I personally think the wedding crazies are the worst to get. It sounds like you might be more upset than she is. Is the mom your sister? Did you steal her wedding day barbie and she has waited all this time to inact her revenge?
In today's day and age the text message probably was the formal invite at the time, they decided to cut back, and the text then became questionable. Your daughter should text her cousin, ask flat out "did you still want me to be one of your braids maids? I have some great ideas for a shower/blah blah blah whatever.". That way the cousin has to answer. She's getting something for growing a pair and saying what needs to be said one way or the other. If it turns out she's not going to be a braids maid and is sad, have a mini marathon of "bridezillas", with all the fix ins (popcorn, pedicures, face masks, pizza, whatever. I bet she won't be sad for long. Then when the big day happens she gets to get up get dressed and go. No stress, no worries, easy.

Sure seems like a simple phone call would answer the question. It doesnt sound like she is one tho.

Could your daughter just send her an email and ask how the plans are going? Maybe say that she heard that she would be cutting back the wedding party... That way there are no awkwardness. She could just volunteer to fill in elsewhere where needed, like at the registry book or something like that. Maybe that will smooth things over for both.