Discipline Suggestion

Completely agree with Andra C. No wonder kids run riot and have no respect for there elders when there parents say "oh well the school has dealt with it, so I won't bother with or deal with the situation" Lazy Parenting in my book!!

For the sake of my sanity I leave school issues at school. They made him sit alone, punishment over.

The problem with when you try to discipline when you are not in control is there is no way to link cause and effect. To do so you would have to be at school and they would have to allow you to dole out a punishment.

Not sure if that makes sense but the lesson behind this is to learn to obey different rules from different people of authority. You do this by backing up the school, saying their punishment is correct but there really is no need for you to have another punishment at home because you are not the authority at school.

Make sense?

Andra, I hate to break it to you but I have the good kids. A punishment at home will take away from the effectiveness of the punishment at school. Maybe kids today are out of control because parents are double punishing them. God knows my parents double disciplining me never did a damn thing to effect my behavior at school but I got damn good at forging my father's handwriting.

I have to disagree with everyone who's posted so far. When I was a kid we did not have a fraction of the discipline problems that the schools face today. The reason for that IMO was because we were way more afraid of what our parents would do then anything that the school staff would do. Kids are out of control these days and a huge reason for that is because they know that their parents won't do a thing about it. Teachers are supposed to EDUCATE our children not teach them manners and how to behave in public. That's a parents job. When a teacher has to stop teaching in order to discipline a student in disrupts the entire class. I find it astounding that other parents on here think that they don't need to follow up with that. My kids education should not be affected by some kid who is constantly causing trouble in class because the school only has so much authority it what they are allowed to do and then the parents don't think it's their problem either. And the older they get the worse they get because they never have consequences at home. If this were my daughter, even at 6 years old, you be your a$$ she would be disciplined at home too.

I agree with Jo W. There is such a thing as overkill for what was a minor incident. He has already been punished. State your agreement with the punishment and your expectation that he follow the rules at school. Done.

Okay, so even if he did not intentionally plan, to hit the kid in the face with the rubberband, it did, hit a kid in the face. Because, your son flung the rubberband at lunch.
Hence the school, disciplined him.
Now hopefully, you son has learned... that in the cafeteria, that this is NOT allowed.
AND how did he get the rubberband anyway?

Per my kids' school, and cafeteria rules... things like this are not allowed either, and then get sent to the Principal's office too. AND the Teacher, then also, disciplines the child and/or speaks to the ENTIRE classroom, about lunch time behavior etc. And the parent, is notified.

At my kids' school, they have Cafeteria Rules. And ALL the kids, in all the grade levels, know this. And the Cafeteria Supervisors, maintain the rules. But there are always, certain kids... that, continuously, do not... even respect the rules. Then in those cases, the Teacher does discipline the child and/or the Principal, and it is on ongoing situation to help the child... learn and gain, more respectful behavior. Daily. In class and at lunch.

I work at my kids' school. I see kids like this and what steps are taken to curb disrespectful behavior, at school or at lunch. It is similar to what was done to your son. THEN also, the school or teacher or Principal, calls the parent to notify them of the transgression. And certainly, the school or Teacher or Principal, then expects, the parent to also... have a role in handling their child or talking to them, to reinforce that their misbehavior at school, was not appropriate etc.

Your son is 6. When he comes home he will know that what he did at lunch at school, was not appreciated and he got in trouble for it. So you talk to him about it. And as Jo W. said, you make sure... that you ALSO back up the school's role in it.

Sure, accidents happen and kids don't always think and they do things that affect other kids. But no matter what, they are still... RESPONSIBLE.
Make sure, your son knows that. Because, some kids, use the "excuse" that it was an accident, as though they were not even, at fault.

A kid, is still RESPONSIBLE for what they do, accident or not, AND for what the incident caused. AND for the repercussions, of it.
Kids need to know, that.

I suggest that he has already had sufficient of a consequence for this. I would just review what happened with him so that you can be sure he understands the reason for not doing this again and to reinforce what the school has already told him.

I suggest that this is really no big deal. He's young and impulsive. It is highly unlikely that anyone would get hurt from the rubber band. So, I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

I think that a chore that he doesn't like is a good solution, and then an "I'm sorry" letter that tells you that he is sorry because you got a call from the school. Anytime there is a call from the school, he needs to pay a "penalty".

Don't let it go. And don't make his penalty a pleasant one. (That defeats the purpose.)

Dawn

I fully expect the school to discipline (and they did) - the discipline doesn't come home. But we will discuss it.

Just like issues at daycare were handled there, not disciplined at him.

I think your plan is perfect . . . I like the letter, I may have to remember that one!!

This is unclear to me because a lot would depend on the "circumstance". Like, if he has been flinging rubberbands and has been told in the past not to do it anymore, then I guess a big old penalty is in order. If it's the first time he did it and hitting the kid was an accident (bounced off table?), I think enough has been done. If he's been causing general mayhem and has been warned and sort of knew it was wrong to fling it and he was aiming for the kid, I would use a concise explanation and firm consequence: "Johnny, because you are still making the choice to be aggressive and disruptive, no more _____(insert favorite thing) until you earn it back with a week's good behavior" or whatever your firmest effectvie discipline is for him.

If this was a random one-time thing I would re-iterate he shouldn't do (not too wordy) OR ELSE and leave it at that.

Hi C.,

The only other thing I would suggest is that at this age you should start the transition from talking to listening. When your son was 3 - you talking was providing him instruction and information. Right about now, you talking becomes a lecture. And he tunes you out. So when you say "besides a talk about how this could have been a bigger injury" I imagine a 10 minute *discussion* where YOU talk for 9 1/2 minutes and he does a lot of "I know mom. OK, mom. I get it mom". I would shake that up and say that from now on your communication with your son should never be more than 50/50 and should typically be 30/70. You talk 30%, you listen 70%. Your talking should be MOSTLY questions about how he feels and what he thinks with a teensy tinsy bit of what YOU think thrown in for good measure.

I like to (in the car / while making dinner / while folding laundry together) ask "how was school". see if he divulges. if so, "Oh really, how did that make you feel?" "How else could you have handled that?" If he doesn't immediately fess up.... I would say that I talked to Mr so-and-so and I'd like to hear about what happened at lunch. Same line of questioning.

I wouldn't have him write letters. Instead teach him to apologize (he did), fix it and/or serve his time (he did), figure out what to do next time (your conversation with him) and then move on (never mention it again).

Good Luck!

I think what you have in mind is good enough. I think it was just impulsive behavior on his part. He had no intention of hitting the kid in the face and probably didn't even consider that might happen. That's the good talking point. He may not have known it would happen but he probably knew flipping rubberbands wasn't an option. That's why the rules are in place. The adults who make the rules DID think about it and made the rule to keep kids safe. So he has to follow the rules and not act on his impulses.

Sounds like time for a love and logic style energy drain! He sapped your energy and spent your time taking caring of his problems at school, now he should repay you with a chore, or a backrub, or something similar.

I think he's already been punished and don't understand why you'd do more but if you need to I think that telling them face to face is worse than just writing an impersonal letter. You can say anything in writing but when you talk face to face it makes more impact.