Discipline Strategies for a 12 Year Old

My son is 11 and a few weeks ago he really started giving me attitude and being mouthy also. I was over reacting to everything. It's hard to have your child act this way I know, but try not to react to everything. Try to just praise on the positive things she does. I know a lot has to do with the age and all the changes they are going through. My son is back to normal (Thank God!). It hurts, I know I was very upset. Things will change and if she gets out of hand you have to use tough love. Take what's important to her away so she knows you are not playing around. She will come around. Good Luck.

Hi H., I have a question, why is it that so many people today relate discipline with hiting, hiting iss omething that is done, when anger has lost it's control, spanking is controled through love and through wanting what is best for our kids. At 12 I'm sure most would agree she is past the spanking stage, keep takinfg things away till there is nothing left. I'm not saying do this, but a woman I know when there was nothing left to take, she took her daughters bed and she was sleeping on the floor. Your daughter not being effected by your discipline is a form of manipulation, Like go ahead see if I care, I'm a little puzzled though where the dad comes him, cause most of the kids I have seen, know dad don't play, and they mind their peas and q's around dad. Have you taken her surfing away? if not that maybe the one thing that will get to her. What ever you decide make sure you and your husband are on the same page, I have see many marriages broken up over discipline problems with kds. J.

If you can get a copy of The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute it will walk you through what to do. It is about this exact problem and it has THEE most incredible solution. Works like a charm!

Try not to over-react to the mouthyness. Calmly ask her to repeat her conversation using appropriate tone -- as if you didn't hear the negative. Praise her when she is appropriate. Model respectful comments for her.

At this age kids are testing the boundaries, maybe her friends do it, etc. But some sense that it upsets you, and it makes them feel powerful -- if you don't over-react it takes away their power and the rude behavior should diminish (eventually -- but hormones can make it flare up for all of us!)

Whatever you take away, make sure you stick with it and don't give in. Even her surfing. This may best to get her where it hurts most. Make her earn back her things. Have a sit down and clearly state what is expected and what the consequences are. If she knows you cave after a certain time, it won't do any good. She may not talk to you for a few days but this is a valuable life lesson she needs to learn.