K.S.
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i have a son that is 7 years old. since the school year started we have had discipline problems at home and at school. he is in the first grade. he had to repeat kindergarden and never had a discipline problem. it just started this year. i get a phone call aleast once a week for him misbehaving and this pass week i had to go up to the school because he refuses to listen to his teacher and the same problem at night. his dad works nights so he does not get to see him until the weekend could he be missing his dad is that why he is acting like this? i have taken things away from him. i have grounded him. nothing is working. any advice? thanks.
If this is a totally new thing (like it sounds it is), there is something else going on and you need to figure out what it is. If you can't get him to talk about it, maybe a school counselor can or other trusted adult. Talk to his teacher and/or the principal. In the meantime, I would try positive discipline. Find him doing something good and reward that. Lots of good books out there on positive discipline.
E.
Mom of two boys (7y/o & 10 y/o)
My kids are not that age yet but I have cared for many that were. My first thought was that maybe he is bored in first grade. Why was he held back in Kindergarten? Maybe he is now ready to be in the next grade?? I know that alot of kids will act out in school when they are either bored or when it is too hard for them. Just a thought...
I myself have a son who has had me wondering what happened to my sweet little boy. It has been a very difficult road but I have found that he responds best to positive reinforcement, a set schedule and clear rules (such as ones that are written out). I also use this computer program to keep track of his behaviour (http://www.myrewardboard.com/) and he is rewarded at the end of the week. For my oldest son I had a reward box that he could earn points to obtain treats. He would only work hard at behaving when he could see the rewards in the box were waiting for him. I also think that it is important to have chores so that he can learn that he can learn to be responsable. He can learn to take ownership of his behaviour. (Target sells cleaning products that are safe for kids to handle and have him wipe down the bathroom or kitchen counter. He can vacuum the floor. My kids like dusting or taking the magic eraser and cleaning their fingerprints off the doors)
It is also very important that you and your husband spend time with him (family game night)and afterwards talk to him that you love him but you expect better behaviour and that things have to change. Goodluck!
P.S.
Make sure there is no medical reason for the misbehaviour such as poor eyesight and ADHD. And also consider social problems such as friendships and bullying.
Hi C., You might want to take him to the Doctor and see if he might be ADD or ADHD. My oldest son has ADD and that is some sign we seen with him. His was mainly at home though. They put him on medicine and that has helped alot. So i would reccomend you doing that. That's what i would do anyways. Hope this helps you. Good luck and if you have any questions about ADD or ADHD feel free to contact me.
P.
From just the information you gave... I would say you nailed it on the head with the fact that he misses his dad! And what that means for you is that no matter how much you punish him it isn't going to help and hes not going to change his behavior. What he's looking for is attention, and he's making sure he's getting it!
I would suggest that you make sure you spend plenty of time with him when you can. Tell the teacher whats going on and try and get her to spend as much time as she can with him. And the obvious one... Makes sure his dad spends a lot of time with him on the weekends! One on one time....
I think you are right. May-be you can talk to your husband out having a "guys day out" every Sat or Sun. See if that helps.
Also it could be the transition from Kindergarden to 1st grade. When he repeated K, did he keep the same teacher. If so, then the fact that he has a new instructor could be it to.
Talk to him and see if you can figure out what's bothering him, you can also go to his school counciler/social worker for help.
Hope this helps,
P..
I work woth children with behavior problems all the time. One suggestion would be to check your resources. Get help from a professional now before it gets worse. Go To Carroll County Family Center and they have a ton of programs you can use. Or Carroll County Youth Service Bureau www.ccysb.com. Talk to your child about his father. Let him know that it's ok to miss his Dad and reassure him that his Dad still loves and cares about him. Make sure he is getting quality alone time with Dad on the weekends. As far as discipline... start a behavior chart. Positive reinforcement works 100 times better than negative reinforcement. When he's acting appropriately and doing good things reward him! Give him a sticker to put on a chart, and once a row of stickers is completed, give him a prize. As for negative reinforcement... use your discretion... try using 123 Magic. If you don't know what I mean contact ccysb they have parenting education classes or rent/buy the DVD. If that doesn't work and he's looking for attention by acting out, ignore him when he's acting inappropriately and give him lots of attention when he's acting appropriately. hope this helps.
Yes, he needs his dad attention. He need important things to explain whats happening and needs comfort, show him that he important to us im sure he behave well.
Try talking with him. I know that sounds simple enough, but my 10 years as a teacher has told me that when kids act out they are often trying to communicate something that they don't know how to say in words. Find a non-threatening time to talk...while you both are coloring at a table, while you both are on the floor playing with legos, while you are cuddled up with him reading a book in bed. Ask questions like: what is one thing you really like about school? What makes you angry? What makes you feel happy? Are you sad...listen for clues into what emotion he is feeling.
In my opinion, punishments are needed at times...obeience and respect for adults are standards held high in our house. So we punish for disobeying mommy or disrepecting others. However, it doesn't end there (or even start there). Try to find out what prompted the behavior and let your child know that it's okay to feel angry or sad - but that he can't respond in a bad way. Tell him why you are punishing him. I know you don't like your new teacher, but you must obey her. I understand you miss your daddy and are sad. I miss him too, but you can't speak to mommy that way. Etc.
Also, create safe places and good behaviors. For example, if you miss dad at night...let's curl up on his pillow with one of his sweatshirts and tell fun daddy stories unitl the saddness is gone. If he's having trouble with a classmate arrange w/ the teacher that it is okay for your son to go to the "reading corner" or another spot to get away from kids when he's feeling angry. Instead of acting out give him another option for that moment. Focus on creating a good behavior that helps him deal with the emotion. Kids often act out b/c they don't know how to handle the emotion they are feeling.
Acknowledge the emotion. Accept the child. Create good responses.
Hope that helps.
