Dirty Nephew

S.,

I understand about clean and dirty and hair no hair as I have 7 children people are different. 1 of my boys has long hair and I have one with a mohawk I do not like it but its their choice they have to wear it no me. If it were me I would put it up in a tail and I would have some extra clothes on hand that are clean, also remember babies are not perfect. I want my girls to leave house match and clean and perfect but sometimes there is an emerency and it does not happen. Also you can keep some baby wipes handy for hands and face. I DO

Good luck

J.

S., don't think you get "White trash sister-in-law of the year award", mine is a doosy too. I don't know what to tell you. It just made me happy that you said you really didn't like your sister-in-law cuz I hate mine. Although, careful is what I will warn. My older brother and I both hate my younger brother's wife, who got knocked up to get married. Anyway, my older brother told my little brothe what he thought of his wife and now my little brother and his wife won't talk to anyone in the family except for my dad. Yah, my mom hates her too. I'm just saying being careful. The silly man has a lot vested in this woman and more than likely he will protect her.
I think next time he is in public with you, take him to get his hair cut. Yah, they'll be pissed, but oh well. Buy his a cute outfit and dress him in it before you go into a store. Cut his hair and get him a new outfit, then have his pictures taken and hand them out to everyone in the family. They might be pissed, but when everyone else oooh's and aww's over their son, maybe they'll get the point and start asking aunt S. to do more with the little man. Maybe they won't want that to happen again so they will make sure he's in nice clothes.
Thanks for saying you don't like your sister-in-law. It just made me not feel so evil.

I have a similar problem with my fiance's stepbrother and his ex wife. My fiance` is currently staying with his stepfather and his new wife to help them out a little financially. His stepbrother's ex wife lives there also with their two kids (1 year old James and 2 1/2 year old Aurora). I am disgusted to take our daughter (who is 7 months) to this house for the weekends so she can see her daddy. Aurora is nowhere close to potty trained and James isn't even fed jars of baby food (never has been. The poor kid only gets the rice/cereal/oatmeal mixed cereal and a few finger foods like mostly cookies). The house is never picked up unless my fiance` or I do it and even then it isn't left that way more than an hour. These children are dirty all the time! I can't stand for them to touch my daughter because of how dirty they are. Like your nephew these two also run around in old hand me downs from who knows where that are always dirty. This is of course if they even have clothes put on them for the day. Most of the time in the winter they run around all day in pjs... even if they go out in public! Right now they both spend all day in pull-ups and diapers. Their hair is never combed or anything and to me that is just disgusting. To make it worse from the time they get up they are told to "watch cartoons." That is all they do all day. Their mother will just up and leave and leave me to babysit her two little terrors. They are not disciplined at all! Oh and they are developmentally behind because no one ever really spends time with them and talks to them. Aurora has hardly any vocabulary and the words she does know are slurred so very bad.
I have tried to talk to her about this and also to talk to her mother (whom is my fiance`s stepdad's new wife). It doesn't seem to be a big deal to them because they are "just kids." I have tried all the different ways I can think of to approach this with them. It does not phase them at all. I'm beginning to think that there is no way to get through to either their mother or their father. Everyone in that house seems to know if it was not for them living where they are those children would have been taken away from them a long time ago. Niether parent has any patience for thier children.
I think as long as in the parent's eyes there is nothing wrong then nothing will change. It sad but true. I hope the situation resolves itself before the child goes to school because then it will probably hit home hard when the child is made fun of by classmates.

Long hair doesn't make a dirty child. If it really bothers you that much, keep a pair of clean clothes for him at your house and change him before you taking him out in public. However, feeling embarrassed over how a child looks - ratty or not - is a bit snobby of you, don't you think? Maybe he likes a few of his outfits and wants to wear them all the time. My parents learned very early on (when I was about 2) not to argue with me over what I wanted to wear. It wasn't worth the fight. Unless he is actually dirty, as though they bathe him every-other week, they are doing just fine.
Good luck :)

Well what i would do when you have him around you or know he is coming say you got him a new outfit and try to get them to put it on so that if you go out with him you know he won't be a mess but on the hair thing....i don't know what to say but i know i have a little boy and i think it should be cut but some people don't think like that........on the other hand does he get a bath like everyday or so......i know i have 5 kids and i can keep them clean and have clean clothes on them and have them looking ok to go somewhere but just try to do the best when he is around you..........

I think Marlene is right, your so-so feelings towards his mother are probably being further projected on to how you feel about your nephew's unkemptness.

I understand where you are coming from. I get so irritated when my sister brings my 3 yr old nephew over in the same clothes all the time, I could of sworn last summer the kid only had two outfits when I KNEW I had given her two 40 gallon trash bags full of old stuff of my sons.
But I know my sister and I know when she does laundry every day or two, she is simply grabbing whatever is on top of the clean laundry pile and dressing him in it. If I really want to promt her to put something else on him, I put him in different clothes and send him home with the old ones in a bag and with new ones on, and I don't say a word. At the end of the day, what I say makes no difference, he isn't my kid. But because she is my sister, lo and behold, I'll see him a week later with the outfit I had put on him the week before. Why? Because it's on top of the clean laundry pile.

And sometimes, I am guilty of the same thing.

I understand the frustration, but like the other moms said, I know he gets bathed, I know he's loved and I know he's fed well so what does the rest matter? They are just clothes; if he grows up gay and wants to wear pink and purple shirts every day or become a cross dresser I won't love him any less or mind a bit! AND I will still go out in public with him :)

Besides, I know he's young, but don't you have a pair of jeans or a shirt or both that you just LOVE and refuse to get rid of and still wear when really you shouldn't? I do! My fav pair of jeans are starting to get holes in the butt of them they are so worn, but I swear I can wear them for another few months before I have to give up. And I have a Beatles T-shirt that so needs to go in the garbage (and a pair of AC/DC underwear that are juvenile but fun) but I love it and wear it to bed frequently.

OK, I understand your frustration and concern, but look at the facts. He is only 1. He can run around naked this summer and be completely fine. Does it really matter what he wears??? Is he fed? Is he loved and protected? It is truly the mothers choice when to cut his hair as well. I had a hard time with that myself, just because at 1, it is very hard to accept that your baby is growing up and actually NEEDS a hair cut. Maybe if you are taking him in public yourself, you should wet and comb his hair back, and maybe have a nice outfit that you keep at your house for him. And let his parents put him in whatever they want.

I think that your ill feelings towared her in the first place are being brought over onto the way the boy is kept. You will find fault anywhere you can if you really dislike this person. If your brother in law loves her and "puts up with" her, then you really have no say, all you can do is love the little boy. I am sure she can pick up on the ill feelings of you and possibly your other family members and feels like an outsider within her own extended family. I am a clean person and like to have my kids clean when we go out, but when they were younger i really didnt care because i knew they were just going to get dirty again. If we were going to dinner or whatever i would clean them up, i did have boundaries. The hair, isnt really your concern either. I really think you need to come to terms with your personal issues with your sister in law before you can tell her how to raise her kid. That way , she wont take it the wrong way and feel that its coming from a place of love and concern and not from a place of bitterness or whatever the issues are. I get that you love your nephew, i really do, but sometimes we just have to sit back and wait for things to pan out. (please, try to work on issues so you can all pull together as one big family)

Ok check this out, if you have him quite a bit, buy him a few outfits and bathe him when he's there with you. Don't send the clothing home with him. If the baby is so dirty that he has a dirty neck, or under the fatty parts of his little body, or if his head is forming flat on the back that is a sign of neglect. In my book it is anyhow. The hair, well as long as he isn't infested with headlice or something forget about it. Think about this too... is he clearly loved by his parents? That is what is most important. The way other people raise their kids doesn't always please us and I know all about infuriating family in law. The bottom line is this, is the boy being neglected, or are your standards just higher than mom and dads? Also, I cannot stress enough consider the pros and cons of his situation. If its not a case of neglectful or uncaring parents don't worry too much over it. The childs happiness is what is important, not how 'you' feel necesarily.

Put his hair in a ponytail. There are men who wear ponytails. If the parents don't like it, maybe they'll get it cut. If they just want him to have long hair, as some parents do and that is their decision only, they're going to have to let him have it in a ponytail.

As far as the clothes go, I would flat out ask them why they don't wash his clothes. I can be tactless sometimes, but when it comes to the welfare of chilren I'll do what needs to be done to ensure they are properly cared for.

would it work for you to give him a bath when he's with you? I know its a pain on your end but then you know he'd be clean.

my 5yo son has longish hair, I won't cut it. trim yea but not cut but I also make sure to keep it washed so its cute not ratty looking