As some of you read my posts about my sister (the questionable one) will know I have some problems with her. I recently had her over for my daughters birthdays. Everything went well and NO incidents. So we were chatting about her teen daughters birthday and we had not seen her for some time. I was saying we should have a get together in a park or something towards the end of the month for everyone to come. She agreed, and joyfully was saying "OH we will have a party for everyone"... cool. Sounds good.
So I got an invitation in the mail inviting us to a get together party at the end of the month at 6pm on a Sunday evening 2 hours back and forth drive for us, at a restaurant. Its not upscale, and its not a low class place but defiantly not the most catering to 3 rambunctious kids. we will be cramming 4 families and their various children and spouses into the place, and it will most likely be a long table. Where (its happened before many times) the people on the end don't get any interaction with the other people on the opposite end, and the guests of honor are usually in the middle, and the people with the littlest kids get put on the ends. So not to sound like a whiner, I don't really want to go.
The other kicker, was a small note at the bottom of the invite, that says you have to pay for your own meal. Really? you invite everyone to a place to eat and then not pay for the meals? That's just sounds so tacky and annoying to me. Considering that anytime we invite them, we pay. Its part of inviting someone, or am I wrong?
So, should I just put on my big girl pants, tighten em up in the waist and let out my pockets, or just get mysteriously ill that day? I want to be there for my niece. Honestly though, my niece doesnt really like these types of things as well. Its funny that its going down this way.
one, its not rude to ask for honeymoons funded by guests, however my niece hates mexican, and my sister planned it not her.
Maybe my hang up on paying for the meal, isnt the actually monetary payment, but more the fact she put an NOTE in the invitation.
I'd say it was a school night and we had to get the kids in bed too early to be able to go. It is a work/school night and is truly too far away to get everyone in bed on time and rested for the early Monday morning rush.
If you want to see and support your niece, go alone. Leave the kids at home with your husband or whoever and go support your niece and actually get to talk to folks and not be stuck at the end of the table or stuck paying for meals for the kids that they won't eat.
In every etiquette column I've ever seen in any newspaper etc. the rule has always been that if you host a meal in a restaurant, the host should pay, but your sister sounds somewhat socially....inexperienced. I'd go alone, pay with a big smile on my face, enjoy the "me time" on the road with my CDs and enjoy the kid-free time. Tell your sister that the time frame of early evening did not work for the kids but you are going to make a special effort to be there solo so you can give all your attention to the birthday girl!
If you don't want to go, then decline. It's an invitation, not a summons.
1. "So, should I just put on my big girl pants, tighten em up in the waist and let out my pockets, or just get mysteriously ill that day?"
Put on your big girl pants and go. (See #2)
2. "I want to be there for my niece."
So go.
3. "Honestly though, my niece doesnt really like these types of things as well."
Not your decision!
4. "Its funny that its going down this way."
Why? It might not be how you would do it, but it's already been planned & invitations mailed. What good would it do to squawk about it now?
In a world where people are asking wedding guests to fund their honeymoons, is this so over-the-top rude?
ETA: Yep--IMO, it's RUDE to request money for a honeymoon--it's RUDE to request ANY specific gift, unless asked.
As for the Mexican aspect--did you expect you niece to plan her own party?
And as for the "note" about paying for your own meal(s) -- my opinion--I'd rather know going in what's expected--I never carry cash, so that would make it awkward.
Tighten those bloomers around the waist, dear. Really and truly, it's the thought that counts here. She is "trying", though missing the mark greatly. Be there for the niece. If you can get the restaurant to put the tables in a different configuration, that would be better.
And I have to say, I would never let my family members, on either side of my families, pay for our family's meals at a restaurant, no matter WHO issued the invite. We all pay for our own family's meals. Really, if it was expected that the inviting person had to pay for everyone, no one would dare say "Let's go to a restaurant together!" Eeeeekkk! Especially when 250 pound Bill so-and-so orders a mega-big steak and 110 pound susie-so-and-so orders a tiny salad! (Susie so-and-so is not going to want to pay for Bill so-and-so's mega-steak!) So yes, we invite our families to a place to eat and expect everyone to foot their own bill. Sorry, but that's not tacky. You ask if you are wrong, and that's my answer.
You keep doing the inviting the way that you are comfortable with. You probably have more sophisticated get-togethers than she does. You probably think things through a WHOLE lot better than she does. It's a gift she doesn't have. But for the sake of your niece and your questionable sister "trying", make the best of things.
Dawn
If I'm understanding your question right............ No I would not drive 2 hours on a Sunday night to have dinner at 6pm with small children (esp if the restaurant is not child friendly) and then drive 2 hours home after dinner. Not on a Sunday night. Saturday night I would. Or even Friday night.
Well, you're the one who initiated the get-together...
Would it be possible to leave your husband and kids home and make the drive yourself? I know I wouldn't want my young kids out late on a Sunday evening b/c they are usually in bed by 7:30 on Sundays and then you would be there to see your niece.
Well, IMO you should just go. You kinda put the idea in her head about it too, and you said you wanted to be there for your niece. Doesn't matter really what type of place it is, or how your niece feels about the place, she will remember that you WERE THERE and participated in a day honoring her. That is good enough reason to go. Now about the paying part. Yes, annoying. But just deal with it. The cost of the meal isn't enough to start a family fued over. You'd have to eat anyway.
I say strap on your big girl panties and go. It is kind of yuky that it's on a Sunday night 2 hours away - you probably won't get home until about 10:00. But it's your niece, you haven't seen her for a while and it sounds like you really care for her.
As for the paying part, we did that with my grandma's 90th birthday. Everyone paid for their own meal because none of us could afford to pay for everyone's. I don't see that as being a big deal.
I agree with you about the people at the end of the table. When we did a big family thing we got two smaller tables right next to each other. It worked pretty well. Maybe they could see if there is a round table. That's the best with a large group
Maybe she thought it would be better on neutral territory.
No "big girl" pants required.....you don't want to go, you don't want to pay, you don't like the location....it's too far away...just decline the invitation.
It is rude to ask for guests for fund honeymoons! It's like me throwing a party and asking you to contribute to my holiday fund! It's always rude to request specific gifts.
I don't find bday party invites with request for guests to pay for their own meals rude. It's part of celebrating that person's bday with them. In my family, we do big, expensive family dinners for people's bdays. The bday person gets to pick the meal, and the rest of us buy the food and make it. It can get really expensive sometimes, but it's my PRESENT to that person. I am giving them the pleasure of my company over a lavish meal. With a honeymoon, all you are giving them is money so they can go off by themselves. They are nothing alike.
You have issues with your sister, that's obvious. Kindly decline since you don't want to go.
