Dilema - Need Advice

I would definately go on the trip, you can't pass up bonding time with one child just because another has seperation problems. The baby will grow out of it and totally forget the time you left her with auntie, the other child who's older won't forget the time you didn't take a chance for alone time with them, they grow up so fast and you should tae advantage of every opportunity with them.

The 9 year old will remember this trip for the rest of her life. the baby may struggle while you are gone, but will never remember it in the long run. Go and enjoy.

At 20 months old, I was breastfeeding, so I could not go. But if I were not breastfeeding, I think I would. Though realize it will be a LONG time to your daughter and she will be very clingy when you come back. As you as you make a space for that when you return (and fill that need for her) then I would.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty at all. I think it's GREAT for you and your 9 year old to have some alone, bonding time.

Here are some articles on trauma, the need for crying for babies & toddlers to release stress and trauma (or whatever emotional boo boos little ones feel) and how to cope with it. Again, NOT to make you feel guilty, but so you can be ready.

http://www.awareparenting.com/articles.htm

You sound like a great mom. :)

Hi L., I say go with your nine year old, your 20 month old will have her big sister with her, and she should be fine, and if not I'm sure your sister in law will deal with it. 20 months old is young to leave them, but if you already told your 9 year old you would go, I think you should. Have Fun J. L.

Does your sister in law have kids?

Now, just food for thought... not only will you be gone with your eldest child, BUT, Daddy will be gone too. So Mommy AND Daddy will both be gone that same week. Will your 5 year old and 20 month old adjust?

If your SIL is not used to handling kids, well, she may have a hard time... especially at bedtime. That is a doozy, even for seasoned parents.

Does your SIL know how to feed kids, for each age?
Or will you pack food for your kids, for each day & night?
Does your SIL know about how to put them to nap? And where?
Will she be babysitting at your home or hers? Is her home baby/child safe and child proofed?

Can your Nanny possibly do an extended stint for this time period? Day and night? Ask her... since your 20 month old is used to her.

Yes, your 20 month old will have her 5 yr. old sister with her, right? So at least that's good.

Yet, you promised your 9 year old this trip... and have been planning it for a long time. I"m sure she will be disappointed to have it canceled on her.
This is very hard.... I don't know what I would do myself. But I would go per my youngest child...and what my instincts were about that. In relation to the babysitting concerns...

Sorry, I don't have an answer, just some thoughts I would have in my own head about it.

All the best,
Susan

Your 20mo old will adjust and be fine and happy while you are keeping your promise and plans to be with your daughter on the trip. Your 9 yr old will NOT adjust if you stay home because her baby sister MIGHT have trouble while you are away. You will be setting in motion potential jealousy and problems that you don't need in the future with your family. Go and enjoy your daughter and your time together, which is precious (when she becomes a teen she may not want to go on a trip with you).

Go! Go! Go! I have a 22 month old and he's at the age where he gets VERY upset when I leave him but after I am gone he gets comfortable and laughs and plays...he literally becomes the happiest baby in the room. Make sure your sister-in-law knows the routine and have him go over to her house a few times before you go. Also, don't forget your 5 year old will give her a friendly reminder that she is not alone. The thing to remember is that 9 year old is at the age where she will remember this for the rest of her life...your 20 month old won't. Your 9 year old may soon come to a point where she may want to hang out with friends instead of MOM...enjoy this bonding time.

Have fun!

Go, go, go! Of course you should go. It will be a great experience for all of you- even the little one. G.

I would definitely keep your promise to the older child, especially since you have a trusted relative to care for the other children. They will adjust. The older one is much more likely to suffer long term negative effects if you let her down, than the baby. I have nearly grown boys 17 and 19. The younger one has a disability that ate up a lot of our time. I am astonished at how quickly the whole child rearing era has ended, and dearly wish I had spent more one on one time with the older one. We were so concerned about the younger one not being left out because of his disability, that we didn't see how we were robbing the oldest of experiences he should have had as a child, because of always being preoccupied with the other one's more urgent needs. I think this is true in typical families too. One on one time with a parent is a precious commodity, and when they are grown you will be astonished at how little time you actually spent doing it.
B.

I echo what everyone else has said.....GO. Your 20-month old will be fine and your 9-year old will have lasting memories of the time you had together. It's a priceless opportunity!

GO! Everything will work out....

YES! I would go and have a good time. I think it is important to make the effort and go. At 20 months, they are not babies anymore....they will be fine. Go enjoy some much needed alone time with your daughter. I have a nine yr old as well, and a 1 year old. I can't wait to have more alone time now that the baby, isn't such a baby anymore (:

L.,
It's tough to leave your baby for the first time. However, even if she has a rough time while you are gone, she won't remember it. Your 9 year old will remember it if you don't keep your word with her. Go and enjoy this delightful moment with your oldest, and come home and hug that baby and praise her for being a "big girl" while Mommy and sister were gone.
T.

I say go. It will do more good for your 9 year old then hurt your 20 month old. Your 20 month olds schedule will still be 1/2 normal with the nanny so it is really only two evenings if you are getting back in the evening the 3rd day. Just let your sister in law know your schedule with her and what works when she is upset. Have fun and give 100% to your 9 year old on the trip and don't let her see you worried about the little one is the best advice I can give you.

That's a tough one. Only you know your girls. However, my experience has been that my kids always do better than I expect them too. If you do leave her, leaver her with someone she knows well, and someone that knows her. If she is staying with Grandma, schedule a day ahead of time, where she can spend the whole day to see how it goes. Make sure she has things from home so she doesn't feel like she is in a strange place (blanket, pillow, toys). Perhaps the person watching her would be willing to stay at your place so the kids can keep their routines.

I had to leave my daughter when she was 10 months old for a weekend. She had never been away from me over night and was still nursing. I was a nervouse wreck, but her regular nanny stayed with the kids in our home. I pumped milk for her. She did a great job. Everything went very smoothly, but she knew the nanny, and the nanny knew her. Plus, they were in our home, so it wasn't as big as a shock.

L.:
I think you should go and spend this time with your 9 year old as originally planned. Your toddler will be fine and it will be a wonderful experience for your sister in law and your little ones to have some fun bonding time too. Maybe one day you can do her and her husband the favor back. Let me say, your 9 year old is growing up and they'll be a day when she won't want mom to go with her. Take these opportunities now and they will be a wonderful memory for her and you both.

GO !!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE FUN !!!!!!!!!!!! BOND !!!!!!!!!!!!
Do NOT feel guilty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is a first time for everything, and your 20 month old will adapt and be just fine, kids are very reslient. She may throw a tantrum as you leave, but a minute after the door closes, she'll be just fine. We left our 3 yr old for three weeks and went to New Zealand (she's now a wonderful, well-adjusted 21 year old) -- so three days is a piece of cake!!! What we discovered is that the kids enjoyed a "vacation" from mom & dad, just as much as mom & dad need vacations from the kids. And cudos to your great SIL for being willing to step in and help out so you can do the field trip with your 9 year old. Relax and have fun on the field trip knowing that your other 2 are well cared for.

GO!GO!GO! Your younger ones won't be nearly as affected by staying with someone else as your 9 year old will be disapointed because you didn't get the time together. You shouldn't feel any guilt for nurturing your children. Sometimes you can't nurture them all at the same time!!

Don't explain it to her as, "We're leaving, so you have to go to your aunt's house," explain it as, "Wow! You get to have a vacation! You get to go even without me!" Tell her how FUN it will be for HER. Her big sister's enthusiasm should help her decide that it's a good thing. If you can, let her stay just one night somewhere, like at her aunt's house or with a grandma, before this trip, so the longer trip won't be her first time away from home. Everyone will be fine - don't feel guilty! Have a great time!

Shot & Sweet ~ your 9 year old has been waiting to do this, probably told all her friends, and needs some time to herself with mom. It won't be easy, but you can do it. The 20MO and 5YO will bond as well.

So long as you fully trust the person you are leaving them with I say do it! :) What a special thing that your 9 yr wants to spend this time with you, won't be long before hangin out with your mom just isn't cool anymore. Or the bonding you do on this trip could help set a good relationship to last through the tween stage, and into the teen years. i wouldn't miss it.

Go go go! It'll be good for everyone. Your 9 year old will love you. The five year old is already excited. And the 20month old - it will be good for her to bond with someone else - it's healthy for them to bond with others. And, your SIL will probably have a blast!

ABSOLUTELY you should go. Your 20 mo old is going to be fine, and this is a crucial time for your 9 year old. The teenage years are right around the corner, and I can tell you from experience that the better communication and understanding that you have of each other, the easier it will be. This is a great experience to reinforce that groundwork. You're lucky to have family members that are willing to step up and help out.

Keep your promise to your oldest and as long as you have a trusted baby sitter, I would let your other 2 stay with them. If you have enough time before the field trip, ask your SIL to have a sleepover with them beforehand, that way your 20 month old can get used to staying somewhere else, or maybe your SIL will stay at your house? And if your 5 yr old is with your 20 month old, it may make her feel more secure. My 3 yr old daughter has had sleepovers with both her grandparents since she was 6 mos old, and she loves it. It's a plus too when we want to go on a vacation, she has stayed 4 nights with each! Goodluck :)

ask the nanny if she can stay overnight and give her a big reward for it :) if the nanny can stay, maybe she could just keep the 20 mt old and your 5 yr old can still go to auntie's house for a special sleep over! I think the 9yr old probably has to bend to the needs of her younger sisters enough, and this should be something special for her and mommy - go and have a good time - I know leaving my kids (of course I've still never gone overnight! haha) always turns out better than I've expected.

Go on your trip. The baby will be fine. She may cry a little but she'll get over it and have fun. So you and your daughter should definatly go and have fun.

I would go. Your older child has probably been looking forward to having your undivided attention. I too have a 20 month old and they are very adaptable. I would just have several visits with the aunt and uncle before you leave. If they are not staying at your house let your 20 month old play in whatever she will be sleeping in (pack and play, etc.). This will help her get use to things.

Definitely go. Your oldest would be heartbroken if you cancelled, and since your sister in law has offered, go for it! Your 20 month old will just have to get used to it. It would actually good for your 20 month old to get used to someone else. Have fun!

Could you do a trial sleepover before you go out of town? Maybe your sister-in-law could take your girls for the evening? If your 20 month old does well, then you can go on your trip with no worries...

Hi L.:
It sounds like your disapointed. Imagine,your nine year old won't take it to well either..While I understand your concern in leaving your little one for the first time, I think as long as she has her sibbling with her at Auntie's house,she will be just fine.Her big sis will fill any voids,for the short time you are gone. Moments like this are few.I'd follow through,and spend that special time to bond with your eldest.I wish you the best. J. M.