My sister in law is taking care of my 5 month old girl, she is very close to my husband and muy daugher that sometimes I feel she isn't doing the right thing. It happens a couple of time when they open a big holes to the nipples of her botthe, then I buy a new onces. Usually I buy according with her age, but all the time they make the hole bigger. When I tell my husband he doesn't think this is a big deal and he gets upset with me. Also, this week she told me she give my baby apple juice, which I assume is from the house because she doesn't have baby. This situation is so hard for me, because I don't know how to approach it without hurting her feelings. I don't want my baby to get sick because since she born she has colic problem and is under special milk. Does anybody have any situation like this and how to solve it?
I want to thank you all for your helpfull advise. I am a new Mom and trying to do the best for my baby. My husband is been with me a the dr office, BUT maybe I'll need to talk to the dr and explain the situation, so we can be more clear about this with my hub
His family are old fashion and they doing thing because probable their grandparent or they did it with them.
Want to added that "YES" we paid her to take care of our baby IS NOT FREE. I know that probably I'll have more issues in the future with her, but she is nice and give my baby all the love that probably someone else won't give her.
I can only say what I've said to others about family matters...
I'm a big fan of brutal honesty. : )
I agree, the nipple hole would be a little upsetting, but I would be most upset about the apple juice. There is no reason for a child that young to have anything other than milk to drink at all.
I would definitely sit down with her and calmly but firmly tell her that juice is not acceptable.
I would tell him that your child needs what YOU and HE say she needs, not what SIL says she needs. If your child needs special milk, then no apple juice. If your baby has a bottle with a certain flow nipple, then she has no right to poke holes in it. Why is she doing that?
I would confront her about it. If she doesn't stop or if you don't feel like she would say one thing and do another, then you need to consider other care. Sometimes family forget that they are doing a job when they are taking care of your children, paid or not. It is not HER child. "Old fashioned" is no excuse for not following parental instructions.
A baby, that young, should NOT be drinking juice.
Perhaps, get a note from your Pediatrician, and per HIS/HER instructions... this is what the baby should be having etc.
If your SIL, cannot properly care for your baby... then you need to find someone else.
Your Husband, has to think of his baby, not the SIL or 'her' care taking.
I would be irked too.
That is my baby, the money I spend on bottles, and NO baby should be getting juice.
For the 1st year of life, per our Pediatrician, a baby's PRIMARY source of nutrition is from breastmilk or Formula. NOT solids and NOT other liquids.
Again, if your SIL is not caring for your baby properly or wisely, and disregarding your wishes for your baby... then "who" is the priority here?
Tell your Husband that.
Diabetes, is also escalating among children.
For example: I recently read an article in Prevention magazine, that said a study was done, and even 1 cup of juice per day, raises the risk for Diabetes, by 18%. For adults. I can imagine how it impacts children.
Anyway, YOU are the Mom.
Not SIL.
YOU have to speak up.
Assert your role.
And per the health of your baby, SIL has to, abide by that.
You AND your Husband, has to CHOOSE the priorities here.
Again, this is YOUR baby.
YOU are the Mom.
NOT your SIL.
Your Husband... HAS TO, step up. And assert himself too.
He gets mad when you tell him about the bottles, because it is putting him in a bind... and he can't handle his sister nor telling her what to do.
But he is a Man, and a Daddy, and he HAS TO stand up to her.
Again, WHO is the Mom here?
Not your SIL.
Find another baby sitter. Who DOES know about baby development and child development and how to properly care for a baby.
Do NOT let your SIL, displace her whims, onto your baby.
This whole thing is so irritating.
Sorry.
Your SIL irks me.
And your Husband.
Your Husband is putting his sister first.
Your baby is only 5 months old.
If you continue to let your SIL control you and your baby and everything else... then what? That is a bad 'habit' to get into and to continue to let happen.
It is a CHOICE.
Tell your husband YOU are the Mother, not his sister - and he needs to support you, his wife, in making sure the Sister knows that she needs to follow your rules, even when watching baby in her home. PERIOD
You will encounter many many more difficult situaitons in which you will need to stick up for your child and her best interests. You have to simply toughen up and say this is NOT what we want for our daughter and if she can't support you as mom, then she shouldn't be caring for you child. Is it free babysitting? Still doesn't matter. You will have to find a different sitter if you aren't satisfied with your child's care. And your husband may think it is no big deal, but he needs to pick your side over everyone else no matter how silly he thinks it is. Must show an united front. Your child, your rules. This is a good lesson for you. It might be a small issue, but it will prepare you for the most serious.
I would write down specific rules and give them to her. Tell her that you are not trying to step on her toes but that you have rules that you would have if she were in a daycare center. Tell her that you mentioned to the pediatrician that she had juice and he specifically recommended that you wait until baby is X months old. Also, mention that you noticed that the baby's nipples are larger and you do not believe that she is ready for that. If she's caring for your daughter, she should obide by your rules even if it's not something she believes she should do. This is one problem (or issue) with family watching our children...we have to tread lightly as they are family! I'd try the open and honest approach!
You are the mother and you set the rules.
"We don't want to give her juice because she it too young."
"When you make larger holes in the nipple it is dangerous and upsets her stomach."
"Thanks for you help, but we would rather do it this way."
If she doesn't follow your requests tell her you will have to find someone else to watch your daughter.
your the mom. shes the sitter, if she cant follow directions then she cant be trusted to watch your kid.regardless of who she is, youre the MOM.
i wont let my MIL watch my son because she doesnt listen and under-minds my authority with MY SON.
she doesnt like it, but i dont care. she raised her kids.
The bottle nipple thing really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but the apple juice is.
Explain to your SIL that you love and appreciate that she is able to take care of your baby. You love that your baby is with someone that loves her almost as much as you do. But you need to gently tell her that you decide what your baby eats. 5 months is TOO young for anything other than breastmilk or formula. And ask that she approach YOU if she's unsure of something she wants to do; if she's unsure of how YOU'D want something to be done.
She should be following YOUR decisions. Its YOUR child. I had my mom watching my son at first, but had to change to an official daycare because of this type of thing. Also, my mom was older and realized that she couldn't keep up with my son once he was on the move. Changing did cost more money, but in the long run was the best thing for everyone.
M.
Shout out to Sayreville, neighbor! Like some others said, your baby, your rules. When my son was an infant, my SIL refused to give him formula because she thought it was unhealthy and the baby should only be given breast milk. I fed my baby pumped breast milk and formula. When she refused, I told her that she can kiss my butt and doesnt need to watch my baby then. Her loss!
You need to put your foot down and step in. sit her down or call her if you are more comfortable. tell her that you are so appreicative of her helping with your daughter but that your pediatrician has told you that under no circumstances is a baby so young allowed to have juice or solid foods.
Tell her that if she isn't comfortable with following the plan that you have for your child that you understand, but you would have to change the daycare situation.
Tell you husband that he needs to be supportive of you because you are only doing what you know is best for your baby. While the nipple problem isn't a problem unless your daughter is choking on the milk (my son was always above his recommended size) you need to make sure that those you are trusting with watching your child are abiding by your wishes.
your sister in law is being negligent, there is no reason at all to be widening the holes on the nipples. your husband needs to let go of his mommys skirts and grow a pair, i hear they sell spines at wal mart, aisle 10.the colic might very well be caused by the extra big nipple holes, i would talk to your babys doctor and tell him what she is doing, if nothing else, so you can verify the connect between the nipples and the colic. and so you have a letter from the babys doctor explaining to your sister in law and husband in slow, easy wording NOT TO MAKE THE NIPPLE HOLES BIGGER.and, it will let you off the hook of the child develops problems because of it.
K. h.
apple juice should never be given to an infant younger then one year, before the age of one, they cannot process the sugar found naturally in the apple juice, it will make them very, very sick.
I don't see how old your daughter is and for me that may make a bit of a difference. I too have bought nipples according to age but had to make the holes a bit bigger because the flow was not sufficient and my kids would get mad because they couldn't get enough out (too much work for too little milk). If that is the case, I wouldn't stress about the nipples so just observe how your daughter is drinking and if she isn't getting too much at once I would let that go. If you have not given your daughter apple juice or if she is giving her the juice without watering it down, I would have a direct talk with her and explain that your daughter is not yet old enough to have juice and when she is, you will let her know.
Take your husband and if possible his sister to the baby's next doctor visit. He will explain the care a feeding needed for a child your baby's age. I regret that your husband and his sister do not respect your word, but perhaps they will respect the word of your baby's physician.
Are you paying you sister-in-law? If so and she's doing things that could unwittingly harm your child, I would consider getting a more experienced and mature sitter who follows your instructions.
Keep us posted.
Blessing.....
What if you also have SIL come to the doctor with you, too? Kind of avoids the whole problem if you let him handle it. Just ask questions. Then no family problems, no fight with SIL still a babysitter, etc. etc. Just a thought.
