Hello Moms,
I'm in a unique situation where I work fulltime from home for a major university. I've been there for 7 years. I've had to deal with a lot of jealousy from others in multiple departments because I work from home, and I've gotten pretty good at moving past it and developing strong relationships in spite of being a remote employee.
6 months ago I was promoted into a management position, and since then I've been running into a lot of hostility, unprofessional behavior/emails, rudeness in conference calls, etc. primarily from men outside of my team. It's killing me inside and making it so difficult to enjoy anything with my job and worst of all it affects me at home with my family.
I've talked to my boss about some of it. I don’t want to appear to be whinny. She agrees most of the time and is frustrated for me, but she's not going to put herself on the line.
So, if anyone has suggestions on how to handle this type of behavior inside and outside of meeting settings, PLEASE SEND ME YOUR IDEAS! I’m trying to retain a thick skin, but every day there seems to be a new conflict and to me, it’s about unimportant, non-critical things.
Thanks very much!!
I think try to ignore it for the most part. Just respond to the work related issues, and ignore the crap. It can be hard to do, and I have found myself getting emotional at work because of peoples comments.
It is almost like what I tell my daughters. If people know that actions and comments bother you they will continue.
Just be a professional, and forget the idiots. Every company has them.
I've done 3 things when faced with similar situations. (1) Pray (2) Searched for new job. (3) While I'm there, I never let them see me sweat!
Whenever I found myself taking the stress of my job to home and family, I knew it was time to go. But finding the right job takes time. I'm not telling you to give up but don't let pride get in the way of considering another job. The good thing is that you're not facing these idiots daily, just when there's meetings. If they know what they do bothers you, they'll continue on. It almost sounds like you're in an environment typically ran by men who still believe a woman's place is at home. I could tell you some stories about that type of environment and how I really handled it. Too much to write.
Stand your ground and consider what's best and healthy for your home environment. If this isn't healthy, then move on. Situations like that are the reason why I now own my own business. Look me up when you start searching! :-)
M.
Look into a simple yet powerful emotion clearing technique that is being taught at Swedish Covenant and Resurrection hospitals.It is likened to accupuncture without needles. You simply tap using your finger tips on the body points that correspond with energy meridians. AS a hypnotist I teach it to most of my clients in one session. You will be able to use it for any emotional issue and you can even teach it to your children.Emotional Freedom Technique has been successfully used with war veterans and survivors of 911. Check out emofree.com for case histories and testimonials.
Wishing you peace & balance.
Hi A.,
I can identify w/ what you are saying. I had a boss and co workers who were extremely aggressive and made my life miserable at work. The co-worker wanted my job so she would listen to my conversations on the phone and twist things that were being talked about. She would report directly to our manager who she was buddies with as well. He decided he was going to give my role to this girl and put me in a new role with what I had no background. So basically was set up to fail. It is not a good situation to always be defending yourself and you start to question your own skills. If I were you, I would confront these men in a professional matter and ask what they mean by what they have commented. Or you can even say, sorry, not sure what you mean or what issues you have. If you want to talk about things...lets do it off line. But please, lets not waste other people's valuable time on this conference call with your comments. Do it directly on the phone, put them on the spot. They need to know they cannot talk down to you..that you have the upperhand and confidence. I kick myself now for not averting myself in that past situation with my old group.
Best to you!
Hi A.,
I work with men and sometimes they can take an unprofessional attitude towards women. Some guys are just aholes-I have had my fair share of snippy comments too.
Here are some tips for you-
1. If these guys are behaving in a unprofessional manner it's because they are being allowed too.
2. Keep it professional all the time. Do not ask about their family, their weekend etc. Just get to the point with them.
3. Follow up everything that is said in an email. Forward a copy to everyone present at the meeting/conference call etc. And keep a hardcopy for yourself.
4. Get tough skin. All joking aside- I used to cry when I went home- There was one guy in particular who went out of his way to make my life miserable. He had found out I was buying a house and printed the listing sheet for the house and posted it on the wall by the time clock stating "this is what M.'s paycheck is going for etc". The guy was a real jerk-off. I know he thought I made too much money etc.
I can be really nice to someone, interested in their life and care about them- BUT if they cross that line with me- My niceness turns cold and I could care less about them personally. I will work with them, but there is no extra effort from me to go out of my way with them. They will realize (when they catch on) what you are doing. You need to be like that- Tell yourself these jerks are not going to take me down or force me to find another job. Be all business with them. Don't take their comments to heart- You need to learn to ignore what they say that is bothering you.
As far as the inappropriate emails- either ignore them or answer the email and ignore the "noise". Noise is all the extra crud that doesn't matter.
Don't make anything personal- Keep it all business and I guarantee things will improve.
By the way- I agree with you- don't whine to your boss or you could be perceived as the problem!
I hope this helps- If you need anything else feel free to send me a message!
Good luck!
MV
Hi A. - I see you got some very helpful replies to our post. However, my recommendation might scare you FIRE YOUR BOSS AND ALL THE OTHER NEGATIVE PEOPLE in your workplace. Take a look at my website http://www.7jewelstravels.info if you want to find a way to do exactly that. Leave your info and I will contact you.
E. A
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Isn't it amazing how professional adults can act like children?
Something to consider - are you sure you're not reading into anything and taking something that was intended as a joke personally? If not, then, have you thought about calling the offenders out on their behavior?
For example, if on a conference call John makes a comment while you're speaking, stop speaking, ask him to repeat himself and what he means/can he elaborate/clarify, etc.
Solutions on how to deal will vary by individual and by behavior. The other thought is to have a face to face meeting where you arrange to cover work-related issues and then address the problems with the individuals.
If you can provide specific examples or more info, maybe I can offer a few more solutions. Of course if things cross the line into harrassment, it might be helpful to enlist the help of HR. Good luck!
