Different Consequences for 3 Yr Old?

What Thea said. Toddlers don't hear the "not" they only hear the do. You could have said, "No color on carpet - we use paper." or "That's Mommy's marker, you use this instead on paper only."

I also would have swatted a bottom in this instance. Taking toys that aren't connected with the activity doesn't mean anything to him at this time. He's too young. Use markers wrong? Then no markers.

Consequences are for teaching. I believe that if the consequence fits with the misbehavior it will do a better job of teaching. In your example I would've had him help clean the rug.

If he throws a toy then take the toy away. It will make more sense to him. I suggest that he doesn't get the message when it's an unrelated consequence and thus does it again.

I also suggest you read the book, How to talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk by Farber and Mazlish. It shows how to word things so that kids will better understand.

I do understand blurting something out. You're human and it's normal. However, by saying don't you dare you challenged him to mark on the carpet. You probably would've gotten a better response if you'd said, please give me the pen in a no nonsense tone of voice. He may not have even thought to color on the carpet.

No offense, but what do wheels have to do with pens?
I wouldn't have said anything to my 3 year old, I would have walked over and taken the pen and said, "Thank you. We will put this away now".
If he cried...so what.
There is a time and place for crayons, pens, sharpies....
We draw, write, paint on PAPER.
ONLY.

I had a neighbor who got so frustrated because her little cherub drew all over all the walls he could reach.
Why could the kid get his hands on pens and crayons?
Repeatedly?

It's not rocket science.
Don't let your child get a hold of pens and teach him that he can draw on paper and make pretty pictures for you while you are having an observed activity.

All parents have likely had a kid draw on something they shouldn't so it's not the end of the world. I just don't think at his young age he will put a correlation between writing on the carpet and not playing with toys that have wheels.

It's like telling a child, "Don't you dare touch that phone!"
It's like a moth to a flame.

Just take the object away before they have a chance.

Best wishes.

Tell him what you want him to do instead of what you don't. Apparently kids of that age hear "do that" when you say "don't do that" So in that same scenario you might have said "Thanks for finding that! Put it in my hand please!"

Okay so, the taking away all his wheel toys for a whole day isn't really teaching him anything. The consequence has to be related to the crime at that age, consistent and immediate... like taking the Sharpie away, putting him in a 2 minute time-out and making him help you clean it while taking his toys away for an hour or so, then giving him ways to earn them back through good behavior and listening. But I get why you would do that.

http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

Dr. Sears is an expert in this field and has some excellent advice on discipline/communication tactics for his age!

Good luck, 3's are waaay harder than 2's!

So, sitting over here in my (not so) comfortable chair, completely out of the heat of the moment, I would like to think I would do things differently. The rational part of me thinks I might have offered to get some paper (and something else to color with!). There's also a part of me that feels like you basically gave him the idea to color on the carpet.

And then there's the rest of me... who understands how frustrating and annoying it is when your own kids (for pete's sake!) seems to be working hard to send you to the looney bin.

I don't really see the connection between the toys you took away and the act that got him in trouble, honestly. Maybe he did, but it doesn't sound like it. If he ever does something with those toys that warrants taking them away, one person I know recommends putting them up where the kid can see them. So they're off limits, but not "out of sight, out of mind."

I know it's hard. I've gone through a similar stage.
What I've learned?
Never "give the idea" as in "don't color on the carpet". Voila that is exactly
what they do.
Instead you are supposed to redirect their attention.
Trust me.........I know how tiring & time consuming this is.
Basically, we are supposed to stop what we are doing & nonchalantly take the pen from them WHILE re-directing their attention to another
activing.
Trust me....I know how tiresome & consuming this is but it works.
It's the stage they are in & must go through.
Have I failed at this? Yes but I am getting better.
Re-direct, re-direct.
Try it & hang in there! Hope that helps. "Picasso" just doesn't know any
better....yet.

The thing about consequences (especially with young kids) is they really need to be immediate AND CONNECTED. If what you're doing you might want to read up on "natural and logical consequences."

As an outsider, I have a couple of thoughts on the Sharpie-Carpet Debacle :)
1) When you said "Don't you dare color on the carpet with that!" He probably didn't get it. He told you what he wanted to do (so it isn't like he was being sneaky) then you shouted "Bla bla bla, color on the carpet with that!" You might have better luck if you tell him what you WANT him to do, instead of what not to do ie "Oh! Bring that marker to Mommy!"

2) What do wheeled toys have to do with using marker on the carpet? It doesn't work as a consequence because he doesn't really understand that one caused the other.

Things that worked (and I have seen work with my friends and their kids) at this age would be:
1) Tell him what you WANT him to do.
2) Tell him what the consequence will be BEFORE the inappropriate behavior. "If you choose not to give Mommy the marker, I will take it from you and you will not color today."
3) Keep the consequences related to the action. If he throws the wheeled toys at you, THEN take those away. If he colors on the carpet, make him help clean it up, then put the marker (and all markers) on time-out for the day.
4) Time-out really works if you do it consistently and calmly! Remember the point of time-out is to stop a behavior (for 3 minutes at this age), and then replace it with a wanted behavior. He doesn't have to cry for them to be effective, but he DOES have to know what got him there and apologize.

Hope this helps. I know how much of a handful 3 year old boys can be :)

T.

My two soon to be 3 year old in 4 weeks has also been doing things that just push my buttons to the complete max. Consequences dont seem to phase her in the least bit. Giving them an idea of something NOT to do.. registers in there mind as something TO DO. I agree with many others, approach and take control of the situation before it turns into a problem. Learning a lesson is more effective when done before a mistake is made!

I love this age, isn't it great! You've had some great suggestions, just remember that as the parent you are teaching them positive and negative consequences (cause and effect). I would have had mine help clean the carpet! My 2 & 3 y/o got a hold of a pencil and pen that my 18 y/o used for her homework and drew wonderful artwork on my walls, after discovering them I thanked them for the pen/ pencil put them up, explained that we only draw on paper and had them use the magic eraser to wipe the walls. I, of course helped them but we haven't had an incident again. Approach is key and don't worry we've all been there

Spanking..oh sorry, nevermind. But at three, the delayed things like the "rest of the day with stuff removed"-just don't work. He still got no serious consequence in the moment. Not one to deter him from future episodes anyway. Luxury removal is more for teenagers-maybe even 7 to 9-year-olds who are actually attached to their stuff. Sad but true. A swat on the butt at 2 and 3 really does prevent so much grief. All three of my kids are happy, well behaved, I can take them anywhere, they're COMPLETELY undamaged and they do what I say, thanks to some well placed pops on the butt in a happy loving home.

If my mature, intelligent, three-year-old child looked me in the eye, and defied my request not to write on the carpet with a sharpie by writing on the carpet with a sharpie, he would have gotten a pop on the butt for defiance before the sharpie met the floor. I then would have continued to let him hold the sharpie, right there over the carpet, with a reminder as to where the paper is kept, giving him yet another chance to do the right thing-or not. We dont' take things away, we teach how to use them. And my spirited son (now four) has never done such a thing, because he knows that.
I also don't think cleaning messes is a consequence. That's just something we all do when we make a mess. Of course they would help clean it. They also need a negative consequence to a wrong choice though. Having that CLEAR distinction has given my kids really spot-on self regulatory skills. I barely have to watch my 4 am 5 year-olds and almost never discipline them. My 2 1/2 year old is almost out of the woods too.

I think at that age I would have run over and removed the marker from his hand and re-directed him. Buckle up...age 3 is the worst of them all and he will test you and test you and test you again. This is where "get off your butt" parenting is really needed. At age 3 to 3.5 my kids weren't listening to anything. Telling them to not do something would make them pause long enough for you to know that when they did it anyway, it was deliberate. So concentrate on removing and re-directing.