Differences, Hurt Feelings, and the Future

Updated on April 20, 2007
H.R. asks from Fort Worth, TX
4 answers

My father in law and I have very different views on life, and things in general. My husband is an only child, and I feel in watching them interact his parents are very sterile, they dont hug, and generally are very lazy and sit in front of the TV a lot. I wasnt raised this way and have alot of apprehension on how their 1st grandchild will be dealt with.
In an email regarding his health, he mistook my words and felt I compared him with my parents, etc. etc. Again, it truly boils down to me respecting him and he respecting me - and it seems we dont. We havent talked in a few weeks. My question is I get along with ALL the family (his sisters, aunts, his mom's cousins, etc.) and though I havent said anything and his mom and dad dont see these people often (theyre not social at all), when my baby shower comes up, do I still invite his parent's family members? I feel some would be a little hurt if I didnt. Do I give them a briefing of what happened so when they show and his mom isnt there, they will know why? I know his mom wont come as of now - his dad is rather dictative and she pretty much follows where he leads - its not that I dont want her there at all. How much info. do I give? Or do I just not invite the family members I have bonded with?
Should I send an email and ask if they feel they would be put in the middle and be vague about what happened and let them choose? I truly dont want them to feel uncomfortable. So as a sister, or aunt, or family member of - which would you feel best about?

Thank you soooo much for your assistance.

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So What Happened?

Let me amend what took place so that everyone gets the "jist" - he ended the conversation by telling my husband that he "needs to get that bitch in place". He implicated his wife and said that it wasnt just between he and I and now she is upset as well (though she wasnt before). THEY made the decision to no longer have contact and his dad made the decision that his wife would also not have contact.

More Answers

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K.K.

answers from Dallas on

HI H., You should definitely invite all the family members. They shouldn't be mistreated just b/c your FIL is a jerk! I think that you invite everybody and be the better person by not saying a word about your falling out. I mean, your FIL probably thrives on the drama and the more you say, the more he thrives.
Plus, you should invite your MIL. Just send her an invitation by mail. If she doesn't come and people ask why. Say I don't know?? That way, your in laws look like the bad guy instead of you. At least you have invited her and the ball is in her court. If you don't invite her or the other relatives, then you are the bad guy.
Good luck!

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C.F.

answers from Dallas on

I would just invite everyone like I did and those who can come will come and those who cant for what ever reason wont. People will be excited for you at your shower and shouldnt focus in on who is there and who isnt. Dont let it get you down and enjoy your shower, this is a fun time in your life and I would take in every minute. Just look at it like this for the ones who decided not to show ..they missed out on something exciting and special and thats somehting they will have to live with and not you. Congrats on your baby there will be so many fun times ahead for you and your family!

K.M.

answers from Dallas on

Just invite all that you want at your shower, if people are not there and questions arrive, let them know there was a falling out and dreadfully it has effected current situations and go no further than that. Have what my family calls a "party line" what we all agree to say to anyone when questions are asked that no one really NEEDS an answer to. Good Luck!

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J.W.

answers from Dallas on

I think that unless your morals and your mother-in-law's morals are completely off then she needs to be invited. This is her grandchild as much as it is your baby. There will always be differences, but unless there is something morally wrong with the situation that would impact your child in an adverse way, she needs to be a part of that child's life. You don't have to agree with how she or your father-in-law behave, but you should be polite. I don't feel that simply because they don't hug and they do sit in front of the tv all day is any reason to not invite her. Anyway, just my opinion based on what you posted.

Congrats on the baby. Hope this helps.

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