Did I Traumatize My kid...potty Training Troubles

Well, no matter her size, she is 3. She might just not be ready. When she's ready, it will happen. It won't take long to potty train once she's ready. Give her a few weeks and try again. Get her some books about the potty. Let her watch you use the toilet & let her flush.....

In training 2 of my kids so far, it's been my experience that they will just do it when they're ready, not when I'm ready! I know other parents will say"She's too old to be in diapers...He should be trained by now.....You just need to let them know who's boss", and to that I say WHATEVER and laugh. We do what works for us. Seriously, it's okay for your 3 year old to be in diapers. It's okay if it looks ridiculous!

I did have a battle of wills with my daughter when she just turned 3 when I thought I needed to get her to go in the potty. Well, she won that one! After about 4 days of her showing me that she was going to work within her own timeframe, I gave up, and about 2 months later, she just did it herself. They will not want to pee and poop in a diaper forever, I promise!

I know this can be very distressing, but we cannot win every battle with our little ones. They can be surprisingly adamant! Maybe give it a break for a few weeks, and let her know that it is sooooooo not a big deal, and give the no-care attitude. I promise this approach works really well, otherwise sweetheart you'll be wasting your energy and you'll become frustrated! This is what worked for 2 of mine so far. My 3rd is just 10 months old, so I still have a little time. Good luck!

K.

I agree with just taking a step back. She will do it on her own. Some kids are trained earlier and some later. I was working on potty training with my son who will be 3 in aug. I was hoping to get him mostly trained before our second was born in march. He would never tell me when he had to go and i was huge and getting tired of bringing him every hour. He is in pull ups but as soon as i stopped trying and just gave him the option he got better. If he wanted to go i would take him, and if he didnt that was fine to. He has now been poop trained for about 2-3 months now and tells me everytime he has to go. Haven't had to change a poopy diaper for a while which is nice. He is not pee trained yet but is getting there. I dont make him go and every once in a while he will tell me. I was very surprised that by not pushing him and letting him do things on his own he started training himself. She will get there when she is ready!

For almost 2 1/2 years I struggled with my son like this. When he was almost 4 I kinda gave up. I couldn't let it define our relationship and I know now I should have just accepted that he was going to be delayed. I took him to preschool still having accidents (it is hard to find one who will accept a child who is not fully PT but you have to do what you have to do. That Nov he started going to Early Childhood program through the school district and a couple weeks after starting....he just got it. It clicked. It was almost overnight he went from diapers/underwear which he often wet to being dry all day. He is 6 now and still wears Goodnights....but every child is different. You cannot let it permeate every aspect of your life. It will come when she is ready...you can't really do anything to force it.

You might talk to her and just say that Mommy was sad because you want to help her learn how to do this and you don't know what else to do to can help her. Make it about you, not her. Any time you are frustrated, I know it is hard but you have to let out your feelings when you are not around her.

Good luck, and be patient, it will come.

She is not ready. My daughter was over 4 years old when she finally was interested. Just because she is big do not treat her older than she is. Give her a hug and take a time out for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. Relax she will let you know when she is ready.

It just sounds to me like she's not ready yet. And that's OK.
My grandfather once said "no kid goes to kindergarten in diapers", and he's right. She'll do it when she's ready, not when you are. And in the meantime, it sounds like you're driving yourself crazy...which will eventually have an effect on her. (Although I don't think you're traumatizing her now).

Megan gave some great suggestions below to get her closer. But in the meantime, try taking a step back and a deep breath. Forcing the issue won't do anything but send YOU over the edge. :)
Hang in there!

Let her wear diapers for a few months longer and give up trying to "train" her.

Don't worry if she looks "ridiculous." Anyone who judges you or her because she's wearing a diaper at 3 is a jerk. She won't be doing this by kindergarten. Give yourself and her a break. Some kids take longer, there is nothing wrong with her or you if she takes longer to potty train.

You hug your daughter and tell her you love her. That just like her, sometimes mommies have tears and get sad. Tell her that you're not angry with her, you just want to help her to get to wear big girl panties (underwear) and you don't know how to do that. Tell her you love her, and that no matter what you'll always love her. Sometimes kids find tears of adults scary, you're her rock and she counts on you.

We struggled with our 3 year old for a year from 2 -3 with potty training. For the longest time I was sure that she'd be 17 needing me to put on her pull ups and wipe her bum. In frustration one day I even announced that we were planning on making a transition from pull ups to depends. That was when my Mom hugged me and explained that while I thought it was ridiculous, and embarassing that she was still in pull ups and not trained, she didn't. It wasn't about me. And while the work and the frustration is all about you, this phase isn't. Love her through it, keep trying and be consistant, because one day (even though right now I'm sure this makes you want to slug me) it'll just happen.

The best advice I can share is to keep talking to her about it. The more you communicate, the more praise she receives when she does go, the better chance you'll have of avoiding your frustration and her fear of dissappointment.

You're a great Mom! And it will all be ok!

Don't be too hard on yourself. I broke down several times in front of my son. Every mom has been where you are. Just keep trying.

Here are some things to try:
1. When you take her to the bathroom, have her sit on the training potty for 5m. Set the kitchen timer if you have to. Leave her sitting there if you have to. Tell her that you will be right back.

2. Keep spare clothes in the bathroom.

3. When she messes, only change her IN the bathroom. Give her a wipe down with a washcloth or a quick shower rinse if you need to.

4. Put a pull up on her OVER her panties. This way when she does wet, she will feel it, be uncomfortable, but not get pee everywhere.

5. Buy the flushable wipes. They are a life saver!

When she does have an accident, don't hurry to clean it up or her. Don't leave her sitting in wet clothes, but don't 'rush right to it'. Make her walk to her room to get fresh panties and clothes - keep them where she can reach them. Don't carry her and don't rush. Let her feel the cold and be uncomfortable.

Hugs
M.