Did I Say Something I Should'nt?

Alicia,
I think you did the right thing. When I worked as an early intervention specialist, I've had to tell parents that I have suspected certain disorders. Most parents want the info. But I have had others that started making personal attacks afterwards. I don't know why some parents are like this.
From this point on, I would just let it go. Keep working with the boys to do what you can. It sounds like they are very lucky to have you.
Victoria

FWIW, I think you were right to say something -- what sort of caregiver would you be if you didn't speak up (as diplomatically as you can)?

In my opinion, and having worked with kids both as a preschool teacher and in after school program, the parents are in denial. I think it is especially hard for dads, and a lot of times they don't know how to react, so they look to how mom reacts(which wasn't appropriate either). I think you did the appropriate thing, and they are doing such a disservice to their children to not even take them to be evaluated. The longer they wait, the worse it will get. My best friends 2 1/2 year old attends speech therapy 3 times a week, and is not autistic either. The pediatrician told them that teaching him sign language was the reason his speech was delayed. Give the parent's a little time to digest what has been told to them and hopefully they will at least appreciate that you have the best interest of their children at heart!

I don't see why parents are so hot and bothered by a loving nanny as yourself - who obviously have experience raising your own. Seriously, parents, so what if a nanny brings to your attention? So long as you're not continuing to nag about it, then I think the parents should be grateful that someone cares enough to mention a concern.

Why do people have to be take things so defensively, like they're being judged. Nobody's judging you, but yourself. And frankly, that's a dangerous attitude to have. 'Cause while they're too busy licking their wounds and stroking their egos, their children could be losing precious time for getting some help.

I mean, the worse case scenario is that they checked into it and there isn't a problem. And if there is, thank goodness 'cause it's early enough to fix it! So really, what is the real issue here? And by the way, if these parents aren't even willing to listen to a doctor's concern, tells me a lot about their issues with denial or bruised egos. Doesn't surprise me one bit why they wouldn't listen to you, when they wouldn't listen to their own doctor. Ironically, you're the one having the most one-on-one experiences/observation with their children.

If it were me, I would definitely consider your thoughts before my own doctor because you're with my children everyday!

Another thing that I think the parents might be in denial is because they may feel something/concerns themselves and are too much in denial to accept it. I mean, why would they bring up that your son is autistic and not theirs? Unless they truly have an underlying concern about it themselves and are too afraid to face any kind of bad news because they're afraid if they even touch the issue, their children might "catch' it??? geez...

If I had a caregiver who had lots of experience with children and she had concern for something my son was doing, I would want to know this. Would I want to hear it at first, probably not. But I absolutely think you did the right thing. I think you approached the whole thing the right way, down to the waiting for a little while, because honestly, a doctor would have told them to wait until 2 also. And from your description it sounds like your approach was great. Some people just don't want to hear it. They probably already agree with you but cant admit yet. Which is terrible, because a language delay doesn't have to be a big deal.

I would also just completely back off the subject now. You can't do anything more until there is a therapy of some sort to implement. Hopefully the doctor has some follow ups scheduled and will be keeping track of their progress. I hope things get less tense for you. But you weren't just a busybody aquaintance butting into their business. You are a caregiver and they trust you to do what is best for their children. I would say this kind of thing is your responsibility. Hopefully they will see it that way soon. And get their boys some help too. They might come around and be fine, and might not. Either way, you did what they hired you to do- care for thier children.

I was in a very similar position. I had to tell the family that I thought their two and a half year old son was autistic. It was very hard for them to hear. The mother was sad, the father was angry (at me--the old shoot the messenger) but it turns out he is. He got a lot of early intervention and is doing great. I also just posted on here that my sister and I have a friend with a son who is most likely on the autism spectrum and I was unsure if we should say anything. You wouldn't believe the different range of responses--about half told me we should say something and the other half (some very rudely) told me not to say anything. As a former nanny, I always felt a huge sense of responsibility for the children I cared for, as I am sure you do. I think you did the right thing. You did it because you love the children and want them to get the help that they need--and how the parents reacted seems a little silly. If someone (including the pediatrician!) told me my child needed to be evaluated for something, I would be on it in a heartbeat. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

**It sounds like these kids are not autistic and that you tried to make it clear to the parents that you did not think they were. I don't understand why anyone would get upset about a speech delay? It is easily fixable with a little help.

Hi Alicia,
At his second birthday, my son had only 6 "words". I was taking care of him full time and had known for a while that he was delay but didn't want to face the fact that my son could be anything but perfect.
So, only when the pediatrician proposed to refer him to Early Intervention (free under 3 years old), did I take action.
He was evaluated and eligible for service. he received at-home speech therapy and although the therapist told me he was just a "late boomer", he make tremendous progress in just a few weeks.

If I would have had you as a nanny at the time:
1- I wouldn't have like to hear that my son wasn't perfect (I didn't like it from the doctor)
2- It would have make me think seriously about the issue
3- I would have been very thankful to you to bring it up.

It's hard to accept that your child as a delay but it'd better than ignoring him. You took the correct decision and should be proud of it. Don't second-guess your decision. How would you feel would you have stayed silent?

I just hope they will understand and get over it quick (maybe also be thankful) and that your job is safe and work situation back to normal soon.

I think you did the right thing. You were just advocating for the boys. Most people do not want to hear that their child may have a problem. I have an autistic granddaughter. I had told her mother and father that I thought she had some problems when she was about three. EVERYONE in the family jumped down my throat. They all went out of their way to tell me there was nothing wrong with her; that they have friends with grandchildren her age and she is exactly like their children (which I know is not true) so I just let it go. Never said another word but always felt bad because the child was not getting any services because of the parents denial. Then, when she went to school, of course they saw it right away. The school told the family that she is autistic and had to be in special ed. The family took it just fine from them. No one has ever mentioned that I tried to tell them years earlier. So, your folks will either do the same and ignor it until they can't ignor it any longer, or perhaps they will consider what you've said, start actually paying attention and notice it themselves and then get help for the boys in their own course. I just wouldn't say anything any more. You've expressed your concerns, now the rest is up to them.

You did the right thing. I would expect my caregiver to politely and respectfully point out any concerns they had, which is exactly what you did.

No parent wants to hear that their child isn't perfect. I'm sure the Mom just needs a little time to adjust.

Don't feel bad, you did what you thought you should. If the parents are overly sensitive and don't appreciate your concern, there's nothing you can do about that.

I can't guarantee your job, they will do what they choose to do. If they fire you over something like that, they really ARE oversensitive.

And yes, saying it once is enough. But apologizing in case you offended them is appropriate. But like I said, don't feel you did anything wrong. You didn't.

Dear Alicia,
You said what you said and there is nothing you can do but try to smoothe it over now.
They may be feeling that since your son has autism, you are being hypervigilent and projecting that onto their kids.
Listen, I did daycare. I had very advanced kids and some who were very quiet and really didn't talk much. One boy in particular preferred to grunt or point but it's because he just needed to work on using his words more and I worked with him on that when he was with me. I never would have told his parents I thought there was something wrong. Well, I did think there was, mostly because he was spoiled and they worked so much and such crazy hours that they knew what a point or a certain grunt meant and they just let him communicate that way. It wasn't a "problem" that I felt needed professional help or anything.
Let me tell you something....that little boy was smart and I knew it. He learned so much being around me and the other kids.
May I say the little boy who rarely talked until he was about 4 graduated high school right on time with excellent grades and went straight into the Navy. There was nothing wrong with him. He did some things later than other kids, but he wasn't mentally delayed in the slightest. In fact, it was the exact opposite. My daughter was highly advanced and she showed it in outward ways early on. He sat back and watched and soaked things in and when he busted loose there was no stopping him. That kid turned out to be a fricking whiz about math and science and very analytical things.
Me, personally, I never said, "He just doesn't ever talk and maybe he should be evaluated." I said things like, "Today, we all worked on using our words to choose between juice or water." "Today, we went on a walk and we used our words to name bugs and sticks and leaves." They were fine with that and knew that I was stimulating him and working with him and exploring things with him.
Let me ask you a question.
First, I do truly believe that you care about these little boys.
However, you said that you believe the boys could catch up IF they are even determined to be delayed by a professional.
What is it YOU were expecting to come from talking to the parents about this? What is it you wanted them to do WITHOUT jeopardizing your employment with the family?
Let's say they have them evaluated by a professional and they will now go to a "professional" setting to have their daycare. You're not a professional. If there is something wrong with them, you're not qualified to keep them.
If you truly think there is a possibility they are delayed, you should have known there was a chance they wouldn't stay with you once you pointed this out to the parents. In fact, you maybe should have set them down to tell them you're not prepared to care for them.

I do think you meant well, but dang it. I look at these posts and parents are so scared about every little tiny thing and it's either get them to a neurologist or they seem delayed...get them to a specialist.
For God's sake!
My own little sister didn't really use english language much until 3. She growled or gurgled. You'd think she was raised by a pack of wolves. She graduated high school at the top of her class and even received college scholarships.
Yes, there are children who are autistic, I happen to know several very close in my family, yes there are children who are delayed and God bless them, but it's not EVERY child who doesn't do everything at a certain time according to a certain standard.

Like I said, I know you care and you were voicing your concerns, but what did you expect to come of it? Think of it from their perspective. They keep taking their kids to a nanny that believes their children are delayed or they take them out and put them somewhere else with someone equipped to professionally care for their kids, who may or may not have special needs?

I gave daily reports to parents and I wouldn't have sat them down to have a talk with them unless their kid deliberately tried jabbing a fork in another kids eye or something like that.
"I'm a babysitter and I don't believe your children, that you bring here every day, are developmentally on target."
That leaves them how many ways to interpret it and how many options?

Alicia, you did the right thing. Here is my take on the situation, I could be wrong, this is just my take on it: If the parents are acting upset, most likely it's because they know there is something not right about their kids' development, and when someone points it out, they have to face something that they are not ready to face yet. If they thought in their heart of hearts that nothing was wrong, they wouldn't be acting aloof to you, they'd have just laughed about it. I have two kids, one w/ autism and one typical, and when my son that has autism was a baby, I knew in the back of my mind that something was "not quite right", and I know if someone had mentioned it to me, I would have gotten defensive right away. With my other son who developed normally, if someone had said something about being concerned about his development, I would have just thought it was hilariously funny, and not been the least angry or defensive, just because I knew what milestones he should be meeting and I knew he was way ahead of schedule on his development across the board, so other than thinking the person was nuts, I wouldn't have been angry or upset with them. So anyway, all I am trying to say is that you did the right thing by outlining your concerns about the boys to their parents. If there is something going on developmentally, they are going to eventually have to face it, and if your saying something helps kick them into gear (getting out of denial, and into getting evaluations and help for the boys if needed) a little sooner, than you will have done those boys a great service. It sounds like you are a great nanny, and if the parents fire you over this, they are absolutely CRAZY. Nannies as good as you do not come around very often and hopefully they recognize what a good thing they've got in having you caring for their boys.
Best wishes,
A.

Let me offer another perspective...
I am a twin (today is our birthday ironically enough and he is on my mind a lot!) and for the first few years we didn't talk very much either....unless we were completely alone and we had our own language! Having someone that is that close to you, that knows how you feel, knows your needs can make you feel less willing to communicate. This was especially true for my brother, he would point, grunt and I would do it for him.
The kids are only two and they are boys, give it time. And since you are with them all the time encourage them.."use your words, you want a drink? Say drink.".
You have brought it to the parents attention, given your opinion, that is enough. If you enjoy working for them try to brush it off and encourage the boys as much as you can.

My best guess is that they were hoping you would back up their non-concern when they mentioned it to you. Instead you told them what you had seen, which agreed with the pediatrician. You did the right thing, but the decision to have further work done is theirs. There is nothing else you can do to make that happen. Continue to work with the boys as normal and let the awkwardness go. If you feel the need to clear the air, let them know that they are the parents and it's their call. You will continue to do the job they want you to do and work with the boys on words, just like you would with any other child.

What is more important to you - feeling like you need to protect the parent's feelings as your employer, or feeling like you need to try to do right by those boys? If it's the latter, and I suspect it is, I think you did the right thing. Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

.

My 2 cents...they are aware that there might be a problem. They talked to the doctor and presumably told the doctor that they'd like to wait. The doctor agreed. Case closed. I think you should have withheld your opinion and directed them to consult their doctor if they had further concerns. The reason there is an awkwardness is because they may think that YOU think that they are doing a "bad" job parenting because they do not wish to follow your advice. They are fine. Every parent has the right to use their judgment to deal with a situation. The bottom line is that a doctor is involved and is overseeing the case. I think an apology is in order and the reassuring words that every child is different.

Hi Alicia,

My sister has a Nanny......a very loving one, at that. I feel that she is very lucky to have found a Nanny that cares for her children so lovingly while her and her husband are working.....with that said......

My sister seems to be very defensive with any updates at the end of the day. No matter what this Nanny does, it never seems to be "perfect" enough for her.......After nearly 3 yrs of having this Nanny (caring for her 3yr old daughter and 1.5 yr old twin boys), you would think she would be more adjusted to having her Nanny. however, I think my sister holds "guilt". I believe the guilt effects her defensive moods.

In my sister's case, her husband makes enough money for her to be a SAHM, however, she doesn't want to lose her career, so she continues to work.......I believe that's why she has guilt......she has employeed a Nanny to care for her children daily never to be pleased with all of the help this women does to keep her job and her employeers happy........her nanny does the grocery shopping, laundry, and house cleaning, too!!!

Now, I tell you this situation to hopefully understand the guilt part of it. Perhaps it is similar in your situation.

I remember your posting about 6 mos ago, and I believe I even encouraged you to tell your employeers your perceptions........it really is up to the parents to act on this.....

I truly feel as if you did the right thing, as you acted in the best interest of those children and THAT is what you are hired to do :o)

I also agree with you to apologize one more time.........it is a sensitive situation, and you want to secure your job, so another apology can help do that.

If, in the end, you DO loose your job over this........then it will be their loss. In todays world it is difficult to find someone we can trust to care for our children, as we would. I doubt that your employeers would want to find someone all over again to care for their kids..........

Be confident, be loving, and continue to be the thing in those kids lives :o)

~N. :O)

I think you did as your conscience dictated, which is generally for the best.

That said, I personally wouldn't yet be overly concerned about language for 3 reasons:

- Many many many children don't have more than a handful of words until after 2... and then a language explosion happens sometime between 2 & 3.

- Twins usually have something called "twin speak"... sounds like babbling to us, and includes not only sounds but expressions and gestures... but not always or even frequently like the ones we use to intimate the same concepts. Bilingual children are notorious for "speaking" late... like around 3-4. Twin-speak, is usually it's own fairly complex language... so either because twin-speak counts as a 2nd language for the brain (or because they're perfectly happy with their level of communication)... the multiples I've known in my own family and in others tend to speak MUCH later, but when they finally "decide" to include the rest of us in their conversations tend to nova into language, practically in full and reasoned sentences overnight.

- They understand what others are telling them and have words in 3 languages (english, sign, & twin).

i'm so sorry you're going through this...this is one of the problems with the whole "nanny" thing - who are the kids' "parents?" she who spends all day with them or they who created the child? you bond with the children and then really have no power or say and could be cut off at any moment for any reason...

i think you did the right thing. if you have the chance to help them, you have to do it, even at risk of alienating the parents. it sounds like that's what you did. i think these folks will either 1. get over it and thank you profusely after they get their kids properly assessed or 2. remain completely in denial and hate you for it forever, while subconsciously knowing you did the right thing.

either way, it sounds like you were sensitive, thoughtful and gentle - what more could they want? what it comes down to is you are trying to help their kids! it's coming from love for those children, and i think they should be grateful for your honesty and caring, whether you stay with them or not.

you did your part; the rest is up to them. well done! it couldn't have been easy. give yourself a break and rest on your conscience.

good luck and i hope they come around.

You did NOT overstep at all! As a child care provider part of your responsibility is to have open communication with the parents about any and all concerns.

I have worked as a nanny for many years and I've had similar conversations with parents. The conversation is never an easy one (even when the parents approach you with thier concerns about their children!) but in the L. run, the conversation is for the best.

The parents should be grateful that you mentioned something because the children are still young and have plenty of time to "catch-up" before they begin school.

I think you over stepped. The parents when they are ready to acknowledge the situation, will. I think your best bet is to leave a note that apologizes for overstepping and that in the future you will keep your unasked for advice / opinions to yourself and that you hope that they know that you had no intentions of causing an uncomfortable rif. So what if your right, they are the parents and it is their job to make those decisions. Some parents just need time to accept that something could be wrong. They may know it, but just are scared to deal with it, but if they feel that the person they hired is judging them, I am afraid you are out of there. Best of luck 7 hope it all goes well for you & the boys. I know you were well meaning.

Two years old? I think you did fine. I keep thinking about my own experience with 2 year olds and what you described here is very delayed. Especially since they are with a Nanny most of the time. If they were being cared for by a person that was not as educated with actual day to day care they would not realize this.

The doctor surprises me, I know our Pediatrician would have suggested not waiting another minute but would have suggested testing to get the ball rolling or to be able to put aside any worries.

Hang in there, maybe they will start to look at other kids this age and realize the difference..

Wow, what a lucky family they are to have you as a Nanny!

sounds like you approached it delicately, if you are wrong, no harm done, if you are right and it's taken seriously, then you intervened at a good time.

I don't think you should have said anything.

You have hurt their feelings and they might feel as if you were out
of place to say something to them.

My 4 year old has a slight speach problem and my husband and I do not like it when someone wants to point it out to us when we already know.
We feel that he will be fine and out grow it.

I hope that you get to stay with this family and keep your job.
If it makes you feel better try talking to the family again and tell them that you are sorry that you upset them.

I wish you the best.

honey i feel like you did the best you could. yes, since it got brought up by the pediatrician, i would have done exactly what you did. now just leave it alone. it's hard for some parents to admit their kids might need a little extra help. you are doing right by those boys. just keep doing your job and deal with the awkwardness. it will fade eventually and hopefully as they think about it, the parents will realize that other 2 year olds are more advanced. do they do playdates or any kind of social activities with the boys? all parents compare their kids to others', so they must know deep down that this is true. they will accept it when they are ready.

I don't know how elegant or inelegant your delivery was, but in principle you did the right thing if you voiced a concern that you have had for 6 months already.

The fact that the parents mentioned to you a concern that "the pediatrician has, but we don't" says to me that they are having a hard time dealing with the topic (or else why bring it up? they would have just forgotten it if they really didn't care)...so in a way you walked right into the jaws of the lion, because anybody who says "the pediatrician may be right" is either telling them what they don't want to hear, or stirring up something that they don't want to face.

So you may have put your job at risk, but for the right reasons, and if the kids DO have problems that the parents DONT want to address, and they don't take any steps to evaluate it, you may want to consider going someplace else anyway, since you can't do your best for kids whose parents don't want to deal with anything that's not pretty.

Since I wasn't there to hear exactly how you put it, I can't say that you did it right, but you did it for the right reasons and you should not be ashamed of that.

I am not a nanny, nor have I ever HAD one... soooo I am not sure what the job description entails exactly as far as observations or suggestions about the children's care.

I can understand your concern and worry. But frankly, if they had just told you that their doctor spoke to them but they weren't worried... then why would you think that they would listen to YOU? Rather than "sit them down" and tell them what you think it might or might not be... I would think that a more subtle approach would be better. When they told you (I assume in a semi-passing conversation) that the doctor had suggested a delay but they didn't agree with his recommendation or observation, then YOUR "place" (?) would have been to say something more in line with "oh, I can see why he might be concerned... as the boys ___. Perhaps he is overly cautious." (not a litany of every little thing, but one or two things maybe). Then followed up with " Hmmm.. well he/she IS a doctor, it couldn't hurt anything to follow up. He/She does have a lot of years of experience. You never know... " And then let it go.

They might have been using you as a sounding board... but your "sit down" may have made them feel even more defensive and in denial.

I don't mean to make you feel bad at all... I know that you are just concerned. How long ago did this all happen? They may just need a little more time to absorb things... and hearing from you (with an autistic child yourself) telling them "something is wrong" just makes them more defensive/in denial.

I'm sure I haven't been much help, but, as eager as you are to help, please remember that these parents are just parents. They want their kids to be perfect, and hearing that they may have a problem or delay may be "rocking their world". Try not to judge them too harshly.

My nanny is always pointing things out to me (your son has gas, what did you feed him? I saw a bruise, where is it from?). I don't enjoy being put on the spot-- who would -- but I love that she is so concerned and I wouldn't trade her for someone who never speaks up.

I agree that you did the right thing, my sister is a preschool teacher and often finds herself in this position (she is not a doctor, but it is obvious something is wrong and when she suggests it the parents are angry at her). Yet, because the parents hired you to care for the children it is really part of your job to speak up when you see something wrong. What if the children did not get the early intervention they may need because their parents were unaware of the problem? There is a huge range of speaking ability in my son's play group but no 2 year old child is that delayed in speaking. Hopefully the parents will come to realize that you did their children a favor.

I think you should have stayed out of it. I personally, think too many people send their children to speech therapy way too soon, but that's just my opinion. You might think about apologizing to them.

Also, I find it very annoying when people tell me they are "concerened" about something that is mine. Too many people are "concerened", and though you may have meant well, it comes off as being snobby, and nosy. If you are a good nanny, they will probably fine with your apology.

Personally, I think that you did the right thing. It sounds like the parents are scared. language delays can also be due to hearing problems. have they had their ears checked by an audiologist?

I think you were right, really you were. I give you a lot of credit and they should be happy to have you and happy that you care so much and put it so nicely to them. I worked in prek and also was a nanny b4 I was a mom and parents always take the kind of news one of two ways: thank you I will get them help i had no idea, or the way yours did....deny deny. It is sad that they are taking it that way bc they are young and can get help and you would think that most parents would welcome help but that is not the case. I would not worry, you did the right thing and soon they will come around, but at least you can sleep at night knowing you tried your best. hopefully it will blow over and you can continue your work there, I assume it will bc they are in denial so it will mroe than likely not come up again. If you loose that job, I know that sucks, but know that it was nothing you did wrong and you did your best. It is sad bc they can go to birth to three and when they are older it will be harder to find help for them. nice job, take care

I don't think you over stepped your boundries at all. As a caregiver it is our jobs to inform the parents of what we observe. This is to the better of the children that are in our care. It is after all the children who come first.

I feel that the parents may be just in denial or feeling guilty (for some reason) so they are just expressing it onto you. Know that you did do the right thing. If they let you go because of you expressing your concerns then it really wasn't a place you would have wanted to say at.

Just hope that the mom will come around. I know sometimes as a mom I feel put off if someone bring something to my attention that I should have noticed. I am not mad at anyone, just sometimes I feel that others think I am not being a good enough mom. I do know however that I am a great mom because my boys love me and my oldest is one of the tops in his class.

Just give her a little space and let her calm down. In the mean time it wouldn't hurt for you to keep on encouraging the children and working with them just like you are.

Just another side note. I worked around a boy at a Preschool I used to work at that seemed to understand what you were telling him and would follow directions well. He wasn't up to norms with his speach though. He was two. We suggested to the Grandparents (ones who were raising the child) that they might want to have the childs hearing checked out. As it turned out the Child needed tubes in his ears. He had fluid build up (no ear infections though) and wasn't able to hear very well. After the simple procedure of putting the tubes in his ears he quickly caught up with the other children in his speach.

It may be worth mentioning that they have their hearing checked at the next well baby check up.

I wish you luck! Just hang in there and love on those boys!!

I don't think you overstepped... If I had a nanny I would expect they give me input on what they think as far as my childs development. I may or may not think it's an issue but would welcome the concern. I have a 5 year old that is speech delayed and had him in 2 days a week at a daycare when he was 2 when they recommended ECI to get him checked as they felt he was delayed and now I wish I would have listened...... I could have been a lot farther along in his speech had I not waited until last year.

It may be that they just don't want to see it yet... like in denial and you bringing it up, is just confirming what they already know but don't want to acknowledge... Is there way for them to be around other 2 year old that are speaking where they should be? If the parents can see the difference it might help. I probably wasn't much help but I think were right in bringing it up to them... Good luck!!

Hi
First off, you have worked there for a year so it's not like you just came in on the first day and said, hey your children have delayed speech. Additionally, and while some parents may not agree, but you ARE an employee and with any company (in this case the parent's house) employees DO have a right to speak up and share their ideas, right? I know at my job I did that all the time..... and sounds to me like you did it respectfully.. I know some parents don't like to hear what may or may not be the truth..... too bad... Does this mom expect you to just shut up and do your job..... again, sounds to me like you were respectful.... it's a tough call to some degree in that when is crossing the line crossing the line. she has kept you on for a year so I well imagine just have liked your style and work ethic and the care you provide for the children. Sadly, you probably hit a nerve with her, she knows deep down in her heart you didn't mean to offend anyone , especially her children. I think you did the right thing..... if this means your job, then that is sad this the mom isn't keeping an open mind.... BUT I can tell you this..... IF you do lose your job over this.. how sad for her kids whom I gather must be attached to you at this point.
You could sit her down and ask her if their is a problem.. All in all, and I am sure TEACHERS can chime in here, working with other people's kids can be a dream and a nightmare.... I well imagine that teachers go through this all the time with some parents. perhaps there are some on the board who can lend their opinions..
again, trust your gut instinct. .you spoke up.. nothing else you can say or do about it, except approach the mom and get this off your chest..
best of luck

In with all the rules and what not of the day care my son attends it is also stated that if she believes there are learning delays she would speak to the parent about it..I will agree its all in how its said. Im sure with a little time the parents will realize that you were looking out for their best interests. Good Luck.

I think being a nanny is wonderful and the parents should be appreciative that you have the twins best interest....As a parent, if I had a nanny...wish I did!....that I would listen, take in, and evaluate and see what we needed to do ....I've been very appreciative of peoples opinoins and experiences and sometimes I take the opinions and sometimes I don't.

The only thing that I can read from your employers hostility recieving your opinions is that 1)they are still denying the truth about thier sons and are waiting till the last possible minute to do anything or 2)they believe nannies should be seen and not heard....UGH....and maybe not the kind of people you should be working for.

You are with these children more hours in the day than the parents, correct? Maybe possibly they are jealous of this fact?

It wouldn't hurt to just see waht is out there for work...so you can know where to look for backup.....and then dont' bring up the subject again....do what you can while you are with the twins to help them in their speech therapy....it is not the twins fault that thier parents cannot take helpful information.

I hope that the twins do get some evaluations....it's free and it is not going toy hurt them...and most of the time...the therapy is free through the school district that they are in.

Kudos to you for keeping the children's best interest. That is an important responsibility of being a Nanny. I've been a Nanny, years ago, and had keep the little girl I watched..keeping her interests as best as they should be when her parents got divorced.

Hope all of this helps. Don't worry and do what you do best. :-)

Since the parents brought up the subject, and you spend time with the kids, I think it was appropriate for you to speak up when you did. Had my childcare providers not spoken up, I would have never figured out that my son was on the spectrum. It is hard to take in, and if you lose your job over it, so be it. Your priority is the kids and you did what was in the best interest of the kids, so no matter the outcome, you should be proud of yourself. Hopefully, the parents will come around.

my oldest son had a speech delay and if my dad hadnt said anything being a first time mom I wouldnt have paid attention. my second son is slow on speech for the same reason fluid on his ears. I know from the first I insisnted on tubes sooner than most parents would have i was trying to avoid speech therapy. I don't think it worked though.

Now to wether you were right or wrong if the parents are in the same situation I was in you needed to say something. But they may have misconstured it as telling them how to raise thier kids. or you were saying they were bad parents. Its not what you meant but people do get defensive over that. I think you did right following your gut. If you were to tell me my youngest sons speech was slow I would have just told you yes I am aware of that. I am taking care of it the best I can. meaning I cant make the tubes work any faster than they are.

I can't suggest anyway to fix the situation with the parents. Mine did come from my dad not my nanny. If it had come from my nanny and not my dad I would have probably reacted "don't tell me how to raise my kids" out of nieveness. hang in there. Determination won't change the speech issue if they need tubes or something. Only time can fix that. That would be like me yelling at my 2 yr old to start talking cause I said so. Hes just going to cry not talk. Mine talks more with sign than words. I am teaching him sign language since I can't make the tubes work any faster. at least he can communicate with me.

It seems to me that it is part of your job to voice concerns about the children, so I think you had to. You would tell them if their appetite was off, if they had fallen and broken a bone, if they had any other kind of problem. You may find that the parents will take some time to digest what you said and then get on track with this. Or maybe they are jerks, but either way, it was the right thing for you to have done. I just hope you don't have to suffer too much because of it. Sometimes doing the right thing costs us. There's a saying: Virtue is its own reward. Good luck!

I think you did the right thing, although I understand it is awkward with the parents. I think the reaction is a function of defensiveness about something that they are probably worrying about, but may be in denial about. You have proven that you have the best interest of the children truly at the center of what you do, which is ultimately what your job is. From an employment prospective, If I were interviewing you (and I used to be an HR person) and you explained the situation, it would attest to your character and dedication to your job in my book. Hopefully this doesn't result in losing your position. Bottom line, this might just be "the tipping point" that the parents need to take action. It's easy to shrug off advice/assessment of people who only come in contact with our children incidentally, but it is MUCH harder to do so with feedback from someone who is with them day in and day out. They just might need some time to let it sink in.

I applaud your dedication to this family, despite it being a difficult and worrisome situation for you personally.

I don't think you overstepped your bounds. You are the primary caregiver and you spend the most time with the children, so you would notice these things. If the pediatrician has expressed concern, then it sounds like there may be a problem. It just sounds to me like these parents are the type who believe that there could not possibly be anything wrong with their children (denial is very dangerous).

That being said, my son has been very slow to speak verbally. It wasn't until he was 27 months that he really started to take off. My pediatrician was even concerned about Autism. But he has finally caught up speech wise and that is no longer a concern.

you did what you should have done. i am a mom of twins. one twin didn't talk much and i had to rely on sign language to understand her most of the time. i had her evaluated (did not suspect autism, and it wasn't autism, it was language delay/receptive and expressive). at 18 months she barely scored as 11 months in expressive and 14 months in receptive. we did speech for 9 months, and she did wonderfully. i would have continued, but they kicked us out :) as she had surpassed her age needs for language. any mom will take the advice the wrong way...for a while, then it will hit, that the person is not being mean, just trying to help. she will come around. of course it was more hard on the father, as they are his boys. boys especially tend to be more delayed in language (i mean twin boys). i was explained that twins have their own language. i didn't agree with this part, one twin had flourished while the other was stuck in not being able to speak.
if she approaches you again about this, just say you love them so much you want them to prosper. i don't think you will lose your job. you wouldn't, had it been me.
good luck (and actually really nice to hear a nanny caring so much about the kids she takes care of). you don't find that easily anywhere

Hi Alicia!
I think that you did the right thing. It sounds like the parents are in denial. You are concerned about the twins and want the best for them. I'm sure that shows in all you do for them.
Have the twins been around other kids their age when the parents are there? That should show the gap between the kids. Speech therapy is such a simple thing. It's too bad they wouldn't give it a try and see if it makes a difference. How old are the twins?
I think that having said what you did, I wouldn't say any more.I feel that having the parents see that their kids need help would be worth more. I would just act the same as you were before. Hopefully you have planted a seed and it will grow....
You did the right thing....no matter what!
Have you tried Zoo Phonics with them? It can help them learn the sounds, and it is fun. Teach the movements with it. It should be fun for them.
Good luck!
M.

I love the idea that you have taken up to signing to them. I taught my kids how to sign from the day they were both born and by the time they were 3 months, they were both signing to me, so the communication between us were great. For those people who never tried signing, are those who will never understand the deep connection and the importance of actually being able to communicate with a child. My son ended up knowing 67 signs before he even turned 1 and according to his doctor, he was more advanced than most kids his age.

I'd apologize to the parents and let them know that in no way were were trying to hurt them by suggesting they get tested. But, at the same time, everyone in the household should not give into the kids when they only pronounce the first part of the word. If they aren't saying correctly, they should be corrected. A lot of parents think it's cute when their kids talk baby talk and it only hurts the kids in the long run.

Keep up the great job.

~C.

I believe you did the right thing. hopefully they will see that your words were from love and as another concerned parent. It may take some time for them to understand where you are coming from because who wants to hear that maybe their child is not "perfect". I applaud your nerve and concern and think that you did the right thing.

Alicia-

As a mother of twins (and aunt to an autistic nephew) I promise you did the right thing. I work full time and although I no longer have a nanny when we did have a nanny or an Au Pair I relied on them for just this kind of information, after all you are with those twins most of their waking hours and fully focused on them. You are a rock star and the parents of those twins are lucky to have you.
BTW, I was the one who "spoke up" about my nephew and at the time I thought his parents would never speak to me again. They did and it actually spurred them into action.

Good luck!
-M.

Blessings to you for being so concerned about the twins. It sounds like you did your best. I am sure you realize how raw a parent can be when first confronted with something like this --"Nothing can be wrong with MY child!" They often see it as being critical of them. I would be very encouraged that the father thought of you enough to follow through with a hearing appt. Hopefully the audiologist will also pick up on the delayed speech even if the hearing is fine and recommend testing. And that would also encourage me that the father will do what is best for the little ones and bring his wife around to see what is really happening. Blessings to you, just keep on doing your best and loving the twins and the parents.

Hey worried nanny-
I really think you did the right thing. A person's growth, especially a child's, should never be delayed out of self preservation. I applaud you for saying it nicely and out of love and concern. I do believe the parents, unable to deal with this immediately, are treating you this way due to the raw emotional state it can cause. And they may even put down your child because they want theirs to be "better" and healthy. Let me tell you, I have a 19 year old autistic niece, and she is brilliant. She is even going to a local junior college and taking some classes just for her. Over the years her speech has improved and her funny little ways are just normal to the rest of us. I don't get to see her much, but she always remembers us and I love everything about her.
As far as those boys are concerned, you said your peace, and the dad seems to be taking some minor action. Continue to be the rockstar nanny that you are and show the parents how much you appreciate them and love their boys. Encourage the boys with words and speaking clearly as you already do and never give up. As long as you provide hope for the parents and the boys and make their language skills a priority in your ever day routines, things should work out.
The family is in my prayers, that they will search out the root of this issue.
Don't give up!!!
-E. M

That is a hard thing to do! But maybe they need to have the hearing checked. I do take care of others all so. Did they have ear problems wjhen they were smaller?

If it is Autism, they need to intervene early- Diet, early intervention,
Gluten and dairy free can reverse it. Many parents WISHED they knew
earlier. The later you wait, the harder to reverse...
So if they do have it..They should THANK you!!
If they don't, they should THANK God.
They should not be mad at you! It is their own Ego's.
I hesitantly told one of my friends, that I suspected her sisters son to
have Autism. She was in shock, and then educated herself on what the symptoms were..and told her sister. Her sister was in denial and later
found it to be true.
Wouldn't you want to know, instead of live in Denial?
Especially when early intervention is necessary?
Do not blame yourself! you did the right thing :)

How old are the boys?

ULTIMATELY it is up to them. And their Pediatrician already voiced his/her concerns.

I know you are concerned, but they are the parents. You did do your effort... to the best of your dedication to your job and your caring for those twins. Nothing is wrong with that. But some parents, don't want to hear it. Other parents welcome any input by their care provider.

Beyond that, you cannot make them do anything about it.
They are in denial.
So be it. Or they need TIME to wrangle through their emotions about it.

"Autism" is a real nasty word for some.. and creates panic and fear.

Again, many boys are delayed in talking. It is also a gender based thing. Purely developmental. Not that the child is stupid or dumb. But many parents equate "talking" to intelligence. It has nothing to do with that. Einstein, did not talk until 3 years old. And he is a GENIUS.

My own son, was delayed in talking. But he was given an overall developmental assessment and he was found to also be ADVANCED in several areas. He just needed help with forming words and gaining confidence in talking. He is also bi-lingual. He is normal. He is now the most talkative one in our family!
Speech delays, does NOT mean Autism. Perhaps you should not have brought up that word with them.

I used to baby sit a child that was very delayed in all respects. I told the parents. They denied it. EVERYONE told them this, including their Ped. They denied it. They did nothing about it, although it was preventable.
But that is them. I cannot change them. I cannot change their child. I am not them. I am not the child's parent.

You can talk to the parents and make amends. Tell them you just care... and you did not mean to critique them. Because, I think they DO feel you criticized them as parents. So address that.
And ultimately, it is their choice as to how to navigate through this, and their twins speech issues. It is a personal thing for them.. which they are having a hard time accepting.

All the best,
Susan

Most parents do not take feedback about their children objectively. I suspect you will compromise your position by expressing your opinion or sharing your observations. Your position is to be helpful to the children, provide for their basic needs while in your care and keep your mouth shut. I am certain the parents already know there is a problem and any input from you will certainly be detrimental to you in the long run. Unless the parents specifically ask for your opinion, you should not offer it.

You did exactly the right thing.

I suppose my response is a bit late, but never the less I think you did the right thing. It is part of your job as a caregiver to inform parents if something about their child is off whether it be a diaper rash, eating patterns, behavioral issues or whatever. Even quality daycares suggest referrals for hearing tests and to speech therapis ts if they feel language is severely lagging prior to entering kindergarten. It is difficult for the parents to hear though. Most parents, especially if they are first time parents, don't want to believe their children are not perfect. You did act in the best interests of the children and if that makes your job uncomfortable for awhile, that's just they way it will have to be. Alternately, you have protected yourself from future accusations of NOT informing the parents of this issue, when they discover problems later for themselves and are upset they didn't know to get help for them sooner. You certainly wouldn't want them suing you or whatever for not caring for their children properly and causing "permanent" speech delay damage to their children because they got late medical/speech care. GOod luck to you and these kids. I hope they get speech therapy-it does wonders!

things like that are very hard to hear, you are with them everyday and know that it was probably the right thing to do... but denial is very strong when it comes to our children especially... I have been watching a similar situation with a boy at my daughters preschool....
I think that you probably did the right thing and shouldn't be in jeapardy of losing your job, but when emotions run high there is always that danger...
a follow up suggestion as an educator... I would maybe do a little research for them about hte value of early detection in delays, maybe when presented with evidence that getting help can only accelerate the twins and not hold them back it will help.
In my own experience though I have noticed that twins are often a little bit delayed in verbalization, not sure why though, and my firend's twins are definately slower to verbalize than my daughter was but at 3+ I am starting to see them catch up, so who knows...
anyway long answer but I think that it was important to voice your concerns

I have worked in childcare for fifeteen years,as a nanny and in public daycares.Any time parents are confronted with important and delicate issues about their children they will get defensive.I know children develope at different levels,and I personally would have waited to talk to the parents.Many children don't talk by the age of two.It may seem odd to others on the outside especially if their own children started talking early.If the children you take care of get what they want by grunting and making sounds,why would they bother with using words?Maybe instead of telling the parents you were worried about the speech development of their children,you could have given them helpful tips on how to help them teach the child.For instance,tell them the sounds you have been working with and ask them to do the same.Even though we can't go back and change the past, be sure you express your love for the children and how much you enjoy your job.They will come around,leave any other concerns to the pediatricians.

My concern: Why are you teaching them signs?? Which in my experience only encourages them not to speak. If you are teaching them signs for no good reason, you are sending the wrong signal. Think about it, but I would definitely not the "signs."

You did the right thing! My son was speech delayed; we had him tested at age 2, we had a program in our area that the therapist came to our home to work with our son, and also to show us how to help him and then at age 3 started in a speech class at our local school, he was saying the same things that you have stated in your post, he is now 12 and talking great.

I have nannied for many families and think they are all the same...they don't want the nanny pointing out anything wrong with their child. They won't listen and will be in denial until a child's teacher says some thing, and then maybe they may possibly listen. I have a 1 year old with cyliac disease, the parents denied it (NEVER even asked the pediatrician) until the child was 5 and got sick at school and the school nurse told them to get her checked for it. Then, I had a 4 year old with a speech impediment AND behind academically. They said nothing was wrong until he was in First grade and the school forced them to put him in resource (academic help by special ed) and speech therapy! and 1 final family I worked for I thought their son was tongue tied at age 1 and they denied it (told them it was simple out patient surgery if corrected early). 4 years later school told them he had speech problems, ended up having surgery in the hospital for 3 days! I just keep my mouth shut now, it's not worth the hassle with the parents and uncomfortableness! Oh well, their loss.

You did the right thing. I am a professional, and it does sound like the twins have an expressive language delay. It is important that they have an evaluation soon, because if they are determined to have a delay, remediation (speech therapy) should begin as soon as possible, so that they can catch up by kindergarten. Good luck, and I hope the parents thank you in the end.

I think you took a brave leap, however, it is risky for someone working with children to tell parents about possible cognitive issues without being a professional. Your concern is valid, you wanted to help, but you have said that you might have jeopardized your employment. If you were responsible for taking the children to their pediatrician and received this information thru that source you might have been in a better position to comment.
It is difficult to care for children other than your own, recognize a problem, and not say anything. I think you did the right thing. Denial is deep and wide. Good luck with your job and hopefully the parents will come around and thank you.