Did I Handle This Okay? Second Guessing Myself...

I think it's okay. I agree with SM to a degree that yes a pet is different, but I feel that it's harder to make an emotional connection with a fish instead of a dog or cat and therefore it's harder to think about these things at the moment. When the other one dies you can maybe take that time to discuss it more but until then I really think it's okay.

I would have done that as well. I mean even when people go through something as traumatic as miscarriage, they often try to conceive again rather quickly, it's very normal and common. I actually think you helped them to move on from the sadness of losing their lil' fish to focus on the new fish that needs care etc. I think you did the right thing!

Unless your daughters intentionally or neglectfully caused the death of the fish - you did the right thing.

Hi R.,

Probably exactly what you did. It's a fish. It's not like they broke the toy and you replaced it even though they didnt take care of it. It simply died. Someone somewhere will need to take care of this fish so it might as well be you :) This has actually happened to us with ducks and chickens.....a dog is a different story because there is a lot more work involved and you would think it through a little more but I dont think you did anything wrong at all!

M.

Oh, I think we've all been there. My husband is really good at fixing toys (I mean things that hardly anyone would even attempt to fix). Our son thinks Daddy can fix anything. So who do you think has to be the spoil sport when something simply cannot be fixed?

I wouldn't worry too much. It's like the candy in front of the cash registers. We say yes about once a month. They still ask, but it really is a treat. I think this falls under that category. It really is ok to give them a treat once in awhile. But I agree, you don't want to get into the habbit of trying to do this every time. You don't want them to feel entitled, and there will be times when you really cannot solve the problem by running out and getting another one.

I would not have done that, because I think a pet and a toy are different - and a pet can not simply be replaced. Living things have more value and that is the message I want to send. They shold be sad, not happy - it is part of owning a pet.

That said, don't beat yourself up too much. I understand the desire to "fix it." Just consider this when you talk with them and when this happens next time.

Sounds like it "felt" like the right thing to do...so therefore it was. We did the very same thing when the kids hamster died.

I agree that if the fish just died for no reason (that you could find...) then it's fine to buy a new one... BUT if it died because of negligence on your DD's part, I would make her wait a while before buying a new one.

BTW... I'm not sure if you have a solid or a transparent divider in the fish tank... If it's transparent, I would suggest putting a solid one in. Betta are very aggressive toward other Betta. I have had them die because I have put their seperate bowls too close. :( They will just ram the side over and over trying to get to the other fish until it loses interest, or dies... (Not all do this... I have also used the divided tanks with no problem.. It just depends on the individual Betta.)

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I think you handled it right. The fish are living things, toys-- not so much :)
The death of a toy doesnt get the same treatment.

I would have done the exact same thing. Most adults whose pet dies will soon get another one. With a tank that has spots for two fish, it's even more logical to keep two fish unless the kids are not interested in them anymore. :o) RIP, betta.

It's nice to have more than one fish in a tank and you're not just using the electricity for one small fish.

I would have bought the fish.

hm. i disagree with most responses. i think YOU are wonderful and i certainly don't think it was *wrong* to handle it that way. but here we believe that our animals are family and that mourning is appropriate. i would have bought her another fish, but not until some time had passed so that the kids could work through whatever emotions they need to experience before getting another pet. key word 'another'. the rush to buy a replacement indicates that they are basically interchangeable.
i don't think it's a matter of 'too bad, play with something else' but 'this creature shared our lives for a brief while. let's pay him some respect by honoring his absence and acknowledging our sadness over losing him.'
now, i hasten to add that we're not super-sentimental about fish any more. but when the boys were young and very attached to any of their living things, we used that time to learn about what it means to be the caretaker of another living thing, and what it means to lose it.
there was a pretty extensive burial plot at our old house.
:) khairete
S.

The kids were upset, you fixed it, now they are happy...seems like the logical thing to do to me!
p.s. hope your fiance is doing better!

I think what you did was fine and compassionate. It's not like you ran out and bought a new dog. No, in life you won't always be able to do that, but when it is simple and easy, like a fish, to make them feel better, why not?

I replaced my daughters goldfish 5 times before I gave up!!! I didnt want her to be sad!! Most of the time I kept it a secret, I told her, her goldfish was sleeping, and when she wasnt looking I swtiched it! Stupid goldfish! So, yeah I do the same thing. They are not very expensive.

I was just wondering, how is your fiance?
It sounded very serious
He was in the hospital yesterday..

if they didnt do anything to cause the fish to die and they have ben taking care of the fish like they should then i see no reason why to not replace the fish. it's not like they cost alot so i definetly would have replaced him if the child wanted it replaced. i may have waited a week though just to make sure they still wanted another.

I think the death of a living thing is very different from the destruction of an inanimate toy. I would have bought the fish too. You dealt with the death through a funeral so it's not like you are suggesting to them that the fish is completely replaceable.

Sorry about your fiance, I missed that one.
I would have done the exactly same thing specially after your fiance being at the hospital, I mean poor girls, first dad gets sick and then the fish die!
Yeah, I would put them in different tanks, you don't need more dead fishes, lol.

I would have bought a new beta.

Glad your fiance is okay!

Hello, I can tell you my story, I won't and can't say that you were wrong because when my daughter was away at college and her hampster died, i begged my sons not to tell that i replaced it because I knew that she would cry, well hers was a girl and the one I got was a boy, when she asked why was he swollen in the private area, i said I don't know than my sons said mom brought a boy because your girl died. I think that i did it because it was a living thing not a toy also and I don't know if I did the right thing or not, i just didn't want her crying. Sometimes we just don't know what is the correct thing to do.