Did I Do the Right Thing - Atlanta,GA

Yes I remember the farting troll. Always a new account, Lets all fart today in support of J.'s parenting skills .... or not if you support the other mother in the make believe argument that almost came to blows backstage.

Farts happen, and sometimes they are hilarious. The other parent would do it too if the stick in her rear wasn't preventing it.

welcome back!! I remember this question....except last time it was a cheerleading event....

Oh goody the stupid fart troll is back!

Don't you gals remember her? Farting in competition, farting at a sleep over, blah blah blah... Plus she was the only person on earth that referred to aerobics as a sport?

Yawn

Again, the fart troll. Golly gee, this question stinks of old fart posts....

Farts happen.
Sometimes they stink.
You can do something about the stink.
Activated charcoal tablets work for controlling that (the stink, not the gas - that still passes).

The other parent was insensitive and let out a verbal fart but you could have counted to 10 and held your temper till you could talk to the other parent more quietly and away from the kids.
Two wrongs don't make a right.

"She berated your parenting skills" - so what?
By leaping to the defense you more or less accepted her judgement when you should never care what an idiot thinks.
(Best lesson EVER in the last Back to the Future movie - go watch it (they are all good).)
You did do a great job of showing the kids how NOT to handle a situation.

So a normal body function got some parent in an uproar. Look, kids fart and then find it hilarious. Adults fart too, but usually either feel it coming on and leave, or just say "Excuse me." (I have no idea why you think these girls pass gas any more often than everyone else, or why things are worse at the end of the day. That sort of defies science. But no matter if you think that. I just wouldn't add those sorts of statements to the argument.)

The other parent decided to get all high and mighty. She talked about good manners and then proceeded to exhibit horrible ones. The thing to do with people like this is to take the high road and exhibit the manners they are not. Your choice to get down in the gutter with her is on you. It's like watching a driver exhibit road rage, and then deciding to retaliate with an "I'll show HIM" attitude. How did that advance the situation?

What you SHOULD have done is to teach your child how to behave. You should have say, "Say 'excuse me', Susie." And left it. Instead, you decided to fight this idiot and thereby lowered yourself to her ill-behaved level. That just taught the girls to get into a fight over the stupidest things.

Ask yourself why you care so much that an ill-mannered person thinks you are a bad parent. Ask yourself why you thought you could, and needed to, convince her otherwise. Ask yourself why you think something is the way she says it is.

Honestly, you don't have to go to every fight you're invited to. If you had left this woman sputtering in the corner with no one to argue with, you'd have shown so much more class, maturity and confidence. Instead, you showed her and the other parents and the coach and the kids that you are insecure. What could have been over in 30 seconds turned into a full out tantrum. I just can't support you on this.

This parental behavior is why so few people want to teach and coach anymore. And yes, the coach is right to ban parents from being around children who are learning to work as a team and don't need to be taught how to have silly arguments over childish things.

Someone posted this on Facebook and I thought it was relevant:

Set an example. Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.

Well, here's the way I look at it. You're right - she's a jerk AND an idiot. If she thinks that teaching good manners prevents someone from ripping one occasionally, she's a nutjob. Even adults can't always hold them in.

But... you behaved badly. You don't want to admit it, but you did. You could have shown what good manners are by telling her that if she wants other people to show good manners, that she should model them herself, and then walk away from her. You could have told the other parents what she said to you and they all would have agreed with you. Instead, you got into a fight with her and ruined a good thing for everyone.

You can say all you want that berating your child and parenting skills crosses the line. You can be right and STILL be wrong. You showed no class by acting like a junior high girl, coming down to her level. And it's a shame because you could have come out of this looking good. And you missed the opportunity.

I don't blame the coach for not having the parents around. She doesn't have to put up with feuding women and she shouldn't have to. Maybe you'll learn a lesson from this. But maybe you won't...

I expect my kids to say "excuse me" if that happens. I'm not sure beyond that what you can do.

I agree with B below. I'm not sure why you even bothered replying to her - that's her opinion. Anyone who would go on about another parent's skills over something so trivial is just .. off.

I don't engage with people like that. To me that's a red flag the person is strange.

Retaliating and having a verbal argument backstage at a gymnastics competition ... well, no you didn't do the right thing (in my opinion). I think you know that or you wouldn't be asking the question.

You should smooth things over somehow if you are on the same team. The kids don't need this drama right?

If you must say something to someone so odd, you can always ask if they have a minute afterwards, and talk to them then (if it's even worth it).

Yes - her comments crossed the line. It's how you deal with it though, right? If it's a competition, I'm guessing the kids are supposed to be focused on gymnastics, not moms going off over a fart.

So farting is natural, but I think it was handled badly. I would have shot my kid a look that would have had her saying "excuse me" and I would have refocused the group. I also would NEVER get into it with another parent at a competition. My daughter dances competitively and I am way too busy to fight with another parent while there. That is something where I would have said "I'm not talking to you about this right now" and walked away. I would address it later though. It's not okay what she did, but I don't think you handled it with much class either.

I would be most embarrassed if another parent had to stop an argument between me and someone else, especially if my child had any idea the conversation was happening.

well, i'm not sure what the other parent expected you to do. i'm NOT one of the ones who think public farting is okay (or worse yet, funny) but kids are kids, and sometimes farts happen. i think the best thing to about 'em is have our kids say 'excuse me' and everyone carries on. uproarious laughter isn't helpful, but nor is berating the kid (or parent.)
but you just jumped right in there, didn't you? you could have just disengaged with the nasty mom, but instead you both set terrible examples to your kids. i feel for the coach, trying to focus on the kids she's training, and instead having to referee the Nasty Girls backstage.
if your lines are that easily crossed, the coach is right. you have no business backstage. the only ones back there should be the adults who can actually display adult behavior.
khairete
S.

Yeah - no way this is a genuine question. What make you even want to float this question? You area very strange person.

I actually would have probably gotten the same way in years when my sons were younger. Since then I have learned to pick my battles and where to have them if that even means I have to pinch myself to the point of pain so I will not respond She deserved a response alright but sometimes we hurt ourselves in our own reactions. She did cross the line. Now let it go. And if you have another conversation with the coach let her know on your part how you will feel but you won't have that happen again because your daughter means to much to you. And at these events avoid Ms. snottypants, better to yell it out elsewhere or go home and punch pillows. Life aint fair at times.

Really? This question wasn't that interesting the first time around. We have had much better troll posts than this.

Ever hear "take the high road." I don't blame the coach - if the parents can't get along, she doesn't need you there. Also, what a horrible example you two set for the kids. I also think it is very rude to "rip a fart" like that; your daughter should have excused herself. So, no I don't think you did the right thing.

I know farts are natural and all, but in my entire life I have managed to never once "let a stinker rip" in front of a group of people. I have two sons. The older son would never pass gas in front of a group but the younger one may think it was funny to do. If he did I hope their wouldn't be adults laughing and encouraging that behaviour! Strange.

Everybody farts. Sometimes it happens at inopportune moments. Other Mom needs to get over herself.

GEEZ...does her daughter not fart? It's a normal bodily function. They giggled about it and moved on. She made a bigger deal out of it than they did.