Dicipline

Updated on February 26, 2008
J.H. asks from Valparaiso, IN
7 answers

How can I get my son to understand "no". Right now my son is into anything and everything and I'm afraid he'll hurt himself soon if he doesn't learn to leave something alone when told to stop. I have trid putting up barriers, child locks and such but for the most part he has figured out how to get past everything. I feel like I spend all day telling him no, stop that get out of there and so on. He will look at me and either walk away for a few min only to return as soon as he thinks I am otherwise occupied or he ignores me and continues on until forible removed from the situation. I don't want to keep yelling at him but that seems to be the only way to get his attention. Any advise would be helpful.

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C.T.

answers from Chicago on

time out time out and time out... watch Super Nanny we have used her techniques with our oldest since he was 3... and OMG they finally worked when he was ALMOST 4... yes it WAS frustrating the first year BUT when it works OMG it is HEAVEN right now we are working on our other 2 Damian who is 3 and Dante who is 2...

Damian does a good job but he is starting to get a new stubborn streak lol...

for him it is more concern that anytime we have our backs turned he climbs... anything and EVERYTHING...

so needless to say he spends A LOT of time in time out... being that we have done it once and now see a DRASTIC change in our oldest it is encouraging to work harder with the younger two...

Good luck because no matter what method you use... it is gonna be a rough ride...

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C.M.

answers from Decatur on

J.,

First of all everyone else's response here is also right. Every child is different, but any combination of No and removal from the situation is down the right road. Make sure your no is really no and not a chuckle or a smile. It's sometimes hard because they are SO darn cute and funny, but mainly stay with it every time. I would try to not holler unless it requires it, but a good stern NO is good. ANd a finger point or an head shake also backs up what you are saying. And, if he gets mad and doesnt want to listen and continues to go back, remove him from the room, go do something else. He is still a bit small to really get some things. Just take your time, it will come. He wont be a delinquent later in life! ;-) C

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T.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter is 18 months (will be 2 in Aug.) and I started putting her in time out. She knows the word "no" and knows when I say it I mean it. If she is into something that is not ok I will say "no" and redirect her. If she goes back to it I say "no...time out" and I put her on the last step of the stairs. At first she would get up and try to run off. I just kept bringing her back to the spot and say "time out". After about 10 times of bringing her back she finally got it and sat there. She has had time out maybe 3 times in the last 2 months but since the first time when I put her into time out she knows she has to stay there and does. Once she is done with time out I tell her in short simple sentences why she was there tell her I love her and give her a hug. She really isnt doing a lot of talking but when I tell her to say sorry she gives me a kiss and a hug which to her is telling me she is sorry. I told our pedi what I do when she is doing a no no and told me that she was at the perfect age to start doing time outs. That she understands what no is and will get what time out is as well. He told me that she needs to know that when you say No that is what you mean and you are doing it for her own good.

Good luck!

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L.B.

answers from Chicago on

Here is another idea, that is not a substitute or alternative for toddler-proofing anything dangerous, setting limits and being constantly vigilant, but an additional approach that I am finding helpful with our 2.5 yo right now....it is to figure out what does the child want to accomplish, and helping him or her have the satisfaction of doing that with your help and guidance. For example, our son's current obsession is moving the kitchen chairs around to reach things he couldn't otherwise reach and wanting to do things for himself. It's become such an issue that during the daytimes I am moving all the kitchen chairs into the garage ! But when I can, I am giving him a chair to use and helping him safely get something he wants himself. He also wants to get his own drinks of water out of our refrigerator door, which does not have any sort of lock allowing me to shut off the water. He's been climbing a chair to get a cup out of the cabinet, then overfilling the cup at the fridge and spilling it all over the floor. So the chairs are put away, and the cabinet is now locked. But when I can be there with him, I help him get a cup, fill it halfway at the fridge, set it on the floor and put the lid on together. He loves the feeling of accomplishing these grown-up tasks he is driven to master right now. Since I have been helping him get that sense of accomplishment when I can and in a safe way, he is less frustrated, having less tantrums, and we are not spending the day locking horns with each other. Plus it's fun. Good luck !

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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

I have my kitchen gated off. I put all breakable/dangerous items up high or hidden so that they can't find them.
I know they make magnetic cabinet locks. I've heard they are good, and difficult for the kids to get past.

Also, if you have gates up that have holes in them, get ones that are solid plastic. They can't get the foot holds to get over them.

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

Unfortunately, you're the one that has to be on constant alert here. Better toddler proofing. Remove the things that are dangerous or breakable. You can bring them back into the room when he gets older. Give him a place in each room that is all his (one kitchen cabinet that is his, filled with wooden spoons and tupperware, one cabinet in the living room with special toys, etc.) For the time being, you just might have to take him from room to room while you do what you need to do.

Consistencey is key. It's not that he isn't listening or deliberately trying to cause trouble, he's exploring his world and it's your job to make it safe and to watch him.

I read somewhere never to use the word "not". Example, "Do not touch that!" The child hears "Do touch that!" I used to say, "No touchy!" and then distract my toddlers with something else. It's a pain to constantly watch them, but you do what you have to do. We also worked on Stop! That took awhile. Just keep at it. Be consistent and he'll learn eventually.

Good Luck.

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M.

answers from Chicago on

My son's ped. just told me about the book, 1-2-3 Magic. I am starting to read it and it's seems like great advice. They do say for kids starting at 2, but maybe you can get some good ideas.

Good luck!

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