J.W.
I get you didn't post a question but I am still going to suggest you get new therapists!
Sorry but all four of my kids have ADHD, the third PDD or autism spectrum. There is nine years between my middle two so while the older two were going to their psychiatrist Andy was along and none of them would touch trying to diagnose Andy because you just can't.
Then to read this it looks like, for some strange reason, they are trying to make the symptoms fit the diagnosis instead of finding a diagnosis that fits the symptoms. All along they shouldn't be diagnosing anyway or even pretending to diagnose.
I am only saying this because one, you are throwing information out here as information that people should look out for. No one should look at this and find it in their child and have them tested for autism. The other is I am concerned that you have bad advisers that will actually harm your child developmentally.
Your doctors say they won't diagnose, listen to them. I worked closely with Andy's doctors and educators. I made sure the educators were listening to my doctor's orders. Until Andy was six he had no formal diagnosis. He had enough that the educators worked with the symptoms and really that is all they should be doing.
I am also saying this because Andy got, bar none!, the worst early childhood educator on earth! She would ignore the doctor and the IEP and thought she knew more than everyone. If she had been allowed to do that unchecked, and the parent is the one that checks, she would have done some serious harm to his development.
You also need to know that everything you described describes a child with ADHD as well. Actually the people coming into the house, Andy is my only child that would react to that.
Of course I may have read this wrong, I do have a few disorders myself. :)