Development -JFF

You can't discipline fear. My son was terrified of the doctor until he was 3. At 3 he was magically fine. I don't believe in spanking and trying to bully a child into submission.

Just one? The list is pretty long with our older child... and I'm a child psychologist! You would think that I would know, but perspective goes out the window when it's your own kid!

1. Irrational fears... when he was 2 they were out-of-control (or so I thought). He was afraid of grass, sticks, snow, dirt, cat hair... you name it, it freaked him out. I thought I would have a child with a life-long Prozac dependency until I spoke with his daycare provider and pediatrician, both of whom reassured me that it is COMPLETELY normal for a bright child to have a hard time differentiating "real" and "imaginary". By the time he turned 3, gone!

2. Handwriting... he hates to color, draw, write, etc. Of course I was convinced that this would result in him being "behind" in school. Yeah, well, he's a preschool boy. Six months later- he's doing great. We didn't do anything, he just matured.

The first child is the "experimental child". We've tried to stop freaking out about every little thing, but if you look at my questions, we were considering holding him out of K for a year. We're parents. We're crazy, but it comes from a good place.

I know exactly what you are talking about. Losing at games was one of the things we ran into with my son. I thought my son should be able to handle losing at games like Candyland when he was 3-1/2 - 4. Instead losing was a horrendous thing for all of us - he would get hysterical and then lash out verbally. Didn't matter how we explained it, modeled winning and losing ourselves, etc. And no it made no difference that other kids might be able to lose at this age. So we packed up the board games and tried again when he was 5. Night and day - he can win or lose and the world does not end. He notices how we act when we lose. We did not 'lose' anything by waiting until he was ready and he did not become an out of control, spoiled brat because we did not 'discipline' him into successful losing when he was not ready.

Also - reading. We read to DS a lot, from the time he came home from the hospital. We played with letters and sounds all the time. I assumed he would be an early reader since both DH and I were. But there was a very clear moment when words on a page went from a complete mystery to him to real words. It truly had nothing to do with where he was in preschool (Montessori) or where we thought he should be. It clicked when his brain was ready.

I mean this answer seriously -- MOST "discipline" problems later turned out to be developmental. Even teenagers, thank the lord. By 20 at the latest, most of them usually grow out of whatever behavior they were plaguing you with. Drug addiction or mental health issues are the main exception to this rule.

But that's a little serious for this post.

There is such a huge leap between two and three. They instantly go from toddler to little kid! My younger son was terrified of the doctor, dentist, haircuts, babysitters, the toilet etc, but as soon as he turned three there was no more nonsense!

crying at teh dr and dentist stopped for my daughter at 5. she had to go to a pediatric dentist for 2 years cause seh screamed from the parking lot all the way in the bulding. at 5 it just stopped.

we are still waitign for her to be dry at night. she is 7 and in the past month has been dry 40% of the nights.

math for my son.. didnt get it at all.. but one day it just clicked and he can add in his head..

dont you hate when people dont actually answer the question youre asking..
my neighbors twins were like that but were exact opposites.. up until they were 3 or 4.. "D" was terrified of the doctor, would literally try to run out screaming-they could barely get her in the car to even go there. "L" would be fine.. well sort of.. L would get her shot first and be fine to try to calm down her sister.. then as soon as D got her shot L would stop hiding her fear/pain and start screaming.. for some reason once they hit 3 or 4 the roles completely reversed out of nowhere. Even now at 13, theres no running or crying but L really hates going to the doctor and D is perfectly fine with it ..its weird how things can change so suddenly like that

I took my oldest to a child psychologist when he was 3.5 because I was convinced that I was raising a future serial killer, or at least a sociopath. Nah, he was just three and a half and that's how they are sometimes. When he turned 4, and could finally speak well, he became a much nicer little person and the raging tantrums stopped.

My son was sick about a year ago. His head was hurting and he had a slight fever. I was out of "kid" medicine, but had "adult". My son is 10 and his pediatrician said he could have one ibprofun.
Oh my god. He coulden't swallow it by himself to save his life. Put it on the back of his tongue, gagging, tears, it was so silly! He finally just chewed it up with saliva dripping to take the damn pill.
3 months later he has another headache and I give him an Ibprofun. That boy just swallowed it down the first time.
I don't know what happened within those 3 months but taking a pill was so much easier!

I agree with Mindy. I think your son was just reacting to being in a new situation that was scary to him. I am not sure I understand your comment on "insisting on him being able to do something he just wasn't ready for."

When I was a child, I was very sick. I went to the doctor a lot, and even had two surgeries by the time I was 12 years old. My mother never sugar coated anything for me. She never bribed me with a toy or candy. She told me upfront what to expect. She told me that shots would hurt, but that they were necessary to help me get better or stay healthy. She promised to stay with me when she could, and when she couldn't she promised to be there when I finished. She explained about shots, x-rays, eye tests, whatever. She did her homework on the procedure and asked the doctor ahead of time to explain it to her prior to the appointment, or to me beforehand. If I was afraid, she held my hand or hugged me. I still felt afraid, but I trusted the doctors.

I have followed the same approach with my son. He always tells me how brave he is going to be before shots. He still holds my arm in a death grip, but he makes it through without much fuss and only a few tears. He is 5 now. When he sprained his ankle a couple of years ago, he had to have an x-ray done. I was guessing that the doctor would do an x-ray, so I tried to explain what would happen. I told him that I wouldn't be able to go in the room with him because it isn't healthy to be exposed to x-rays without needing them. He was so brave and listened very carefully to the doctor.

As for your question about 'discipline' problems just turning out to be a developmental thing, I don't think I have run into that one yet. But, I am the type of person that is always planning ahead. I read up about what to expect next and try not to push my son at anything. I let him go his own pace, which has pretty much so far been early in every developmental stage. The exception was when he first sat by himself. He was scooting and crawling before he would sit still. I would sit him down, and he would fall out of sitting position and crawl or scoot away. We had no idea if he could sit on his own or not, outside of sitting in a highchair. The doctors asked can he sit, and I answered that I had no idea because he escaped every time I sat him down.

I don't think you had a discipline problem with your son. He was in a new situation, didn't know what to expect and was afraid. He didn't know whether it would hurt, whether you would leave him. He was not behaving badly. He was behaving normally. The next time he went, he remembered that he had been there before and that it wasn't painful or scary.