Desparately Seeking the Advice of Others

I have been told that plain old sun shine helps. I did that when I had my postpartum and it really up lifted me. Try taking a walk in the morning or afternoon. Which every works best and see if it help.

Good luck

My post-partum lasted for way longer than it should have, and found out it was because of the birth control I was on. Other than that my mom forced me to be social and that helped, just getting out around adults. Try not to be a "perfect" person (not saying you are trying) but when I was single and had my first child I wanted to do everything "right" and that stressed me out so bad that it actually hindered what I was trying to accomplish in the first place. Also, depending on how far along you are in school,look into online classes.

Sounds like you could really use a break. I don't know about post-partum, fibromyalgia, or going after child support, but I am looking to adopt a few families for the holiday season and would love to help you and your little one if you need it. You can email me at ____@____.com.

First of all you need to apply for government aid. even if you make to much to get food stmaps or TANF, it will at least allow you to be able to use CYFD and they will go after him for mandetory child support orders or help you obtain and order if you don't have one. They will also order him to provide either medical insurance for your child or pay your costs to get coverage. There are a lot of help groups and information for dealing with this. I am sorry about your health, All i can say is take some you time, A bubble bath late at night (wihtout a school book) I am a full time student and a single mom as well, I find that if I can have one hour a week complely to myself I can keep my sanity. Best wishes to you. As far as the allergies thing I know that st johns wart can help with depression and I think it comes in various forms without the corn. But I would ask your doc first. Good luck let me know if you need anything else. Take care, M.

D.,
I know post-partum depression can be very challenging. Everything looks out-of-place and nothing seems to help all this feelings go away. I'm going to tell you what I did and I hope it helps. I asked for help! Thank goodness my mother came to the rescue! She helped me get some guidance and I realized how mean I was to everybody and how much anger was in my heart. I don't know if you believe in God, but I do. I decided I was going to grab his hand really tight and help myself put all of my life in order. You deserve it and your baby deserves it! We all are special in some way or another; and when needed, we all have that inner strenght that will bring us back to where we need to be. If you feel you have cried enough, hated enough, it is time for you to give yourself a chance to get right where you need to be. Reject any negative ideas and feelings and free yourself from that heavy weight.
Pills don't cure a broken heart! You have a life you need to live and thus, you need to be brave and determined. Set a goal and don't stop until you get there. My brother taught me there's a theory that says if you have a goal and you are convinced you'll reach it, all the Universe (GOD) conspires to help you reach it.
So get up, set your goals, hug your baby really hard and KEEP GOING! You owe it to yourself!!!

A Gluten free diet will probably help the fibromyalgia and possibly the depression. There are cookbooks at Vitamin Cottage to help you. To help you relax I think it helps to find a group of mom's in your situation like at church or school and meet with them once a month minimum. It gives you something to look forward to and gets you out of your rut.
Hope this helps,
C.

I've been thru a few trying events myself and found the best way to relax is meditation. There are many forms but the easiest is a taped meditation. Once you learn how to do it, you can achieve a great deal of relaxation in five mins. There is one I am particularly fond of that was done by a Catholic priest in conjunction with the Lord's Prayer. There are dozens available in stores and libraries. Try it! Good luck and hang in there. PS I was a single mom of 3 with no help from my husband.

I will echo what a few people said about coing after him for child support and trying to get state benefits.

As far as the depression and stress go, a psychiatrist my mother recently spoke with at a conference told her that the best non-medicinal way to treat is 30 minutes of exercise every day or 40 minutes 4 times a week, preferrably in sunshine. It boosts your seratonin and melatonin levels in your brain which makes you happier, less stressed, and sleep better as well as more energy.

Also, try www.flylady.net It is a free program to help you get your house and life in order. Sure there are things you can buy but by no means do you have to or are even asked to. She advocates babysteps, breaking things down into 15 minute segments, and that you are never behind to jump in where you are. Get dressed everyday and get enough sleep. Maybe try a counselor to help you get past the things that are weighing you down. Good luck and remember God will never give you more than you can handle, if you need help ask for it.

Hello D.,

I also suffer from fybromialgia and after several treatments and different drugs and injections, I decided I was better off putting up with the pain and fatigue until I was introduced to Usana nutritional products. I have been taking these nutritional supplements for the last 4 months and they have helped me trmendously. Not only am I helping my body heal itself, I have plenty of energy and I am overall healthy. If you would like to find out more, call Lisa Godin at ###-###-#### of ###-###-#### or ____@____.com

Please call or email me and let me know of your progress.

Sincerely,

J. L

D., I really feel for you. You have took a step in the right direction by filing for childsupport. As for health care.... maybe your child can qualify for medicaid or a colorado program for kids only.

As for yourself, try St. John's wort. I am on it and it helps me to stay calm and helps me to relax more. It takes about 3 to 4 weeks to start feeling the benefits, but it's worth it. It has to be the freeze dried ones and it will say that on the label. I take 3 of them a day. Let me tell you, it has made such a difference. I don't like to use drugs either and for more than one reason. I was put on prozac at first and for 2 weeks i couldn't sleep. It started to create other problems that needed other drugs, and i don't want to be a drug junkie. I feel great with St. John's wort. Do some research and ask questions. I get mine from wild oats marketplace. I've also found out that St. john's wort is the equivalent to prozac, but its all natural with no side effects. If you need more info send me a private message anytime.

D.- the first thing you need to do is step back and reevaluate everything that you are doing. Prioritize your committments and filter that totally around your daughter. She should be your number one priority and things will all begin to fall into place for you. No one can tell you what you need to do to stop feeling what you are feeling because you are the only one with the feelings. I had postpardum depression when my youngest son was 2 and I fought the thought of it every day instead of dealing with it. Finally I realized that if I kept trying to do more to drowned what I was feeling it was actually making it worse. I did not use medications, I just had to simplify my life. I made changes to my stressful areas and step out of my norm and began taking time to do things with my kids that normally I felt I diod not have time to do. Cut back on your school time, eventually you will graduate and you will not feel crazy when you do. lol Do not worry about the cleaning or anything that you feel you have to do with priority. This is what I did and I can honestly say that my kids were the best medicine I could have ever had. Just reember that all things happen in time if they are meant to be, so be patient and have some fun! Your ex will not have any whee to run when things begin to catch up with him. Justice, sweet justice. In the end, you will be the bigger, better person that is calm and collected and a great role modle. I have faith in you! D.

Definitely go after him for Child Support. Being his first child, you will get quite a bit, and you can even ask for him to be ordered to put health insurance on the baby. He won't have a choice. There are major consequences in not paying child support, now a days.

I had a problem with post-partum depression after I had my first one, and have a problem with it still to this day. Basically, every time somthing gets out of control. I end up having to take 20mg of Prozac. I used to think it was a really bad thing to be on medication, but then I found out that all it is, is that I have a chemical imbalance after I had my first child. I don't struggle with it as much now (she is 10), but I tried the going to school full time and work 40+ hours a week, when she was 2 and was to the point I wanted to commit suicide because I felt so bad. I didn't want nothing to do with anyone.

My suggestion to you, is to drop your school to part time at least until he starts paying child support. Then once he starts paying child support, re-evaluate things and see if you can switch to part time work and full time student. Or maybe even part time on both.

Good luck!!! I know where you are coming from. I raised my 10 year old by myself up until a 3 years ago.

I would try taking up Yoga. I know you're already busy, but it helped with my anxiety and depression. I go to Bally's because they provide child care and it's only $29 a month, but if you can't find time or finances to go to the gym maybe buy a video and do it at home. I hope you'll begin to feel better soon.

D....

I have not much advice to give you on the topics that you state above, but my heart goes out to you, and I will keep you in my prayers! You are doing the best that you can do with what you have been giving. Keep your head up, ALWAYS look forward and one day you will look back on this time in life, and smile. You will succeed!

When you feel like you are going insane, take deep breaths, tell yourself you are a great mom, and a great person. If you have to get out and take a short walk to get a hold of yourself, tell yourself the above. It helps me when I am overwhelmed with everyday life.

Soon you will graduate, and have a job that will support you and your daughter and it is her father who has lost out on this precious gift!!

Remember,, Keep your head up, look forward, and stay strong for you little one, and one day it will all pay off!

First of all, congratulations for making it as a single mom! That is your first victory... Now as far as your health and that of your kids, I would love to introduce you to some great natural products that are guaranteed to help you with your condition and your kids asthma/res problems as well as possibly give you another source of residual income if you'd like to consider a home-business.
As far as relaxing, make sure to take time out for yourself. bubble bath late at night after the kids are down work great for me, include some essential oils. Drink chamomile tea before bed.

Let me know if you'd like to learn more. visit www.TotalWellnessInfo.com

Take care,
C.~

You can try to decorate your house with some organge colors like a poster mostly in orange or a candle in roange here an thre. The color orange reminds people of the sunshine which is a realy good thing for depression. Putting on lmps slightly orange toned may also work.
Socializing with people, and if this is not possible keeeping a diary can be very helpful too. I ahve read one pice of reserach that if you keep a prayer journal where you disclose your thoughts to God-or whatever spritiual enitity you beleive in- everyday, it helps a as much as having a strong social support group.
you must be terribly busy to do something for yourself only, but you can go out excursions with your little one at outdoors or even parks, that may help you relax a little bit as well.
Since being stressed will no thelp you to get your degree quicker, you may try to take a little less credits next semester.
It must be very difficult, but as time passes remeber that things will cahnge only for the better-graduation, you child will get older and easier to handle, more money , probably child support etc. Hang in there!

I will echo everyone else here when I say definetly go after him for child support. It's his OBLIGATION to help pay for the life he created.

On the fibromyalga/relaxation, I don't know if this is an impractical suggestion or not with the pain but yoga helps me to relax tremendously. If I do it for just 30 minutes, I feel like all the stress and tension has just melted away. Plus it has the added bonus of making you feel strong and developing your muscles. You can probably borrow a good yoga video from the local library, and I know you can buy them very cheaply from Amazon.com.

I don't know what to tell you about the post partum other than to keep talking to people, and even if you can, keep a journal so you can get those feelings out of you.

Good luck and keep posting to let us know how you are.
M.

Hi D.!

First of all, know you are doing an AWESOME job with everything you are juggling. You are so strong!

How about trying:
-yoga (there are great videos you can get at the library)
-meditation (maybe with candles and a meditation CD)
-hot baths (great with candles and calming music)
-massage (students at massage schools charge a small fee)
-go for a 15-30 min walk with music you love

-make sure you are getting enough sleep
-drinking 8-10 glasses of purified water
-take a multi-vitamin
-take an omega 3 supplement. I like flax seed capsules with a gelatin coating. Excellent for moods! I have been taking it since I had postpartum depression after my last child's birth. You can get them at Walmart or any health food store.

*If you want to have any medication made to your health specifications (to avoid allergic reactions) try a specialized "Compounding Pharmacy."

As far as child support, he should definitely be paying up!
Try these resources:
http://www.supportkids.com
http://www.hsd.state.nm.us/csed.html
http://www.supportcollectors.com/csrc/newmexico.php

I used to live in Albuquerque - it's beautiful there. Best of luck to you!

-C.

I just want to say hold in there. My heart goes out to you. Try seeing what you can do to change your situation. I know you probably feel stuck and too depressed to be very proactive, but focus on the things you do have control over and try to change those for the better (like how busy you are. Yes, some things really can be cut out. You have to be willing to change. I know it's difficult so I don't mean to sound harsh. My husband and I recently went through a difficult situation where we were too busy to breathe while he was going to school full-time and working full-time at a job he hated. He started getting depression. When I asked him to get help and maybe medicine he said, "I'm willing to try medicine but not until I've tried everything I can to change the situation that is causing depression." So he changed job positions to get one he liked much better and went down to part-time work until after he graduated. The immediate difference in our quality of life was astounding. We had to cut back financially, but I'd much rather have a happy husband who is actually around than have a cell phone and go out to eat.

Anyways, we feel so empowered after that experience that life is what we make it. He was willing to look for solutions instead of letting life happening to him. I helped because he was depressed and couldn't see a way out very well on his own, so maybe a trusted friend or a life coach can help you). You are going through a lot and much of it is beyond your control and it really sucks. I'm so sorry. But no matter what has happened to you, there are choices you can make to better the situation if you are willing to. I know depression complicates that. But you sound like a strong person, and maybe people can help out during this difficult period. If you are doing what you can to prioritize and improve your situation, people would probably love to help you through this rough time. I know I would love to help and give you a break if I lived closer. And medicine can really help if you have a chemical imbalance and not just situational depression or if you're just so deep in the pit that you can't see a way out on your own.

Hi D.......I mostly just wanted to introduce myself cus we very are similar in our situations I'm a single mom to a boy who will be three on Friday whos "father" also bolted the second he found out I was pregnant. I work full time and go to school full time working on a teaching degree. I know one of the other moms already recomended it but I do Yoga when I really start to feel overwhelmed something about it just really helps to clear my head.....sometimes I even just go lay in bed with Hunter and even relaxing a little like that helps. If you ever want to talk don't hesitate to message me.

Hi, I am sorry that you are going through such a rough chapter of your life. I know that soon with positive thoughts and prayer things will turn around.

Also there are alternatives to medication for depression. There are natural herbs such as Sammy. I have a few family member on it and they feel great. And they use to be on synthetic meds, such as prozac.

I don't know if you have ever heard of the movie or the book "The Seceret" but it is life changing. If you havn't seen it I recommend watching it, and if you have seen it, watch it again. It has made a huge difference in my life.

We were so broke we couldn't afford to pay rent or even buy diapers for my son. But applying the seceret to our life has made all the difference in the world. We are catching up on all our bills and we may even be able to have a good Christmas.

God Bless you and you are in my prayers!

I also had post-partum depression for a long time after my first baby (and none with the second) and probably being overwhelmed with the new baby, severe tendonitis from the pregnancy, a demanding job and a husband that just lost his job added to it. There are several things that helped me get back on track. First, I took a birth control pill to help level out my hormones and kept taking prenatal vitamins. I saw a naturopathic doctor who said there are natural remedies for the hormone and depression problems, including acupuncture (I did not take any natural supplements since I was already on the pill). Acupuncture did help me with depression and relaxing. However, I still felt pretty burned out. It wasn’t until I started doing interval training that I increased my energy levels and my mood. I started out slowly – one lap or portion of a lap as fast as I could run, then walk, then repeat. I’m not sure what this does, but I found a huge improvement in my mood. If I can squeeze in even 15 minutes of this, it will keep my energy level up. Also, the naturopathic doctor recommended improving circulation. You can do this with acupuncture treatment, but this can get expensive. There are a couple things you can do at home though, as he recommended - stretching and using warm-cold therapy in the shower. During your shower, spend 3 seconds under the cold water, and then switch back to warm/hot. Do this 3 times every time you take a shower. I wish you the best – I know it is tough to go through. You sound very determined and I’m sure you’ll get through this.

Hi, Well it sounds like you have had quite a time. I was diagnosed very late after having my son....he is 4 now. I could not believe post partum...thought that was only extremes (wanting to drown your child) Anyway, I am on Effexor (not sure what they are coated in? I tried to look it up...you may have better luck....I have gone off of it a few times and always end of feeling "off" I would not even say I knew I was depressed, but even achy....I have just gone back on this week, it will take some time to kick in, but I definitely recommend it, espec. being a single and such a busy mom! Your doc should be able to recommend a med that will work (sometimes, you have to try a few different ones until you find just the right fit.)

Good luck! I hope this helps!

Steph

Look up the Byron Katie on the internet. Her book, Loving What Is, changed the way I look at everything. Good-luck!