Depression in a Three Year Old?

Yes, a three year old can respond this way. Parents who are divorcing see it a lot with their children even at this age. They do not have words to convey the loss, so they act out, cry, etc.

Do the evaluation, if only to settle your own worries. This will help. He may be responding to the environment around him, he may be hypotonic and need some therapies to build up stamina and muscle tone.

You've been through a lot and kids really do pick up on the tensions in their household. When you do your drop-offs at the preschool, try to do so confidently and with an attitude that he WILL be okay. You might try the book "the kissing hand" by Audrey Penn. Many parents have found this to be a great help because it gives concrete actions to the separation transition.

If you feel he's not ready for preschool, that's another matter. Unless it's completely necessary for your family's livelihood, it can wait. To me, 35 little ones together is a recipe for disaster. How overwhelming. Do they split up in to groups or have their own spaces? To me, that just seems extremely institutional. The largest groups we had at that age were 14 kids and it was still doable only with very clear structure and great cooperation between the teachers (at least two at this age).

If your husband is taking over in the parenting department, those transition times may be your son's way of trying to connect with you. I have found that on days when I feel I'm struggling a lot of positive reinforcement via physical contact when my son his happily engaged helps immensely. When he's playing, just walk over quietly, you can tousle his hair, give him a kiss on the head, a friendly squeeze on the shoulder or arm, rub his shoulders or back-- all without saying anything. (I usually do this from behind, so I don't interrupt my son's attention to what he is doing.) I've seen this work wonders in regard to connection, both as a preschool teacher and a mom.

Keep offering good, healthy meals and don't worry *how much* he eats. Kids go through spurts of growing/hungry and then, not so much. Limit sweets/sugary stuff just because that can be harder for the body to process. Whole grains, healthy options which include a good balance of carbs/proteins are essential.

And schedule a 'snuggle time' every day, when you know you are most likely to be available for him. Let your husband take the baby after a good nursing and then spend some routine time doing something mellow, like reading a story on the bed or drawing pictures. If your son can anticipate, predict and rely on having that time to connect, it will reassure him that you are still emotionally available.

Yes, evaluation for him. Physical as well as developmental and emotional evaluations -- this could be a low thyroid at work (lack of energy is a sign), or blood sugar issues (diabetes can make one very irritable) or any of MANY things. Low energy and irritability can also be due to anemia (low iron levels in the blood).

Do not assume that a very young child can't be depressed -- but also don't assume he IS depressed and that this is not physical.

He needs a full workup and you will need to be on your game, assertive and strong with doctors, and insist on things like blood sugar testing, anemia testing, possibly thyroid testing, etc. I don't know where you are living overseas but you might have to be "THAT American mom" and get assertive in ways the doctors don't love. Involve your husband to the maximum here, if it's a culture where they are going to listen to men more than to the "hovering overprotective mother." (Even in the U.S., women still get branded that way and their concerns dismissed.)

Your own depression means you will need full support from your husband and any friends or other support systems you have there. Yes, you could be interpreting his behavior as depression because you fear he somehow has "gotten" your depression or is prone to it genetically -- but that is not necessarily the case. Are you able to separate your own condition and feelings about it from his actions? Does your husband see the same tiredness, lack of play, clinginess etc. that you see? Do others?

Also: Consider that with a young infant in the home, your three year old is frustrated and wants your attention which he gets when he is clingy, and the lack of interest in play etc. could be a way of showing he's unhappy about having a sibling (no matter what he says -- if he says he loves the new baby, that's fine, but it does not mean he's glad to share you). But I would not put 100 percent of his behavior down to that. Still, be sure you are getting alone time with him every day and that the baby is not so much your focus that your son clings to you and resists school as a way to be your baby again.

Finally: Is it legally written in stone that he must go to preschool six hours a day, five hours a week? Can you defer it a year until he's readier? Many countries start kids in school younger than the U.S. (such as starting school at four and not five) but is this full-time preschool at three a legal requirement or just "what most people do" and therefore you can defer it somehow? Are you military and if so -- why would you have to follow the local country's preschool requirements?

My first thoughts are a) you are reading more into it than needed and taking more blame/guilt on yourself (which we see in your previous posts) OR b) a nutritional cause. I work a lot with families who have mild behavioral issues with kids including lack of energy, fussiness, attention issues, and more. Many kids are picky eaters of course, but even if they are not, it's just impossible to get what we need from our diets today. Yes, organic and whole foods are better, but you can't always get them year round. (And I was just listening to a program featuring an apple expert - I learned that the apples in our supermarkets were picked 10 months ago and have been keep cool and exposed to nitrogen gas to keep them from rotting! So it's not a fresh-off-the-tree fruit. Most of our produce is not!) So we've followed the AMA recommendations and used a comprehensive supplement for kids including the right amount of DHA for brain development (not just the small amount thrown into products found in the grocery store), and we see a big boost in mood leveling, learning, attention and general health.

I doubt your 3 year old has clinical depression and I doubt you are causing his problems. My guess is he's like many other 3 year olds. You could go through a whole battery of tests for this non-specific list of symptoms, but I'm not sure it's going to yield any major answers and I think it will lead to greater anxiety on your part, not to mention financial pressure. That's why we always start with the other approach.

Children often mirror the mood of their primary caregivers. If you're lethargic he may be too. He needs human interaction, touch, hugs. Trust your instaincts - God gives us a mom's heart for our kids and we almost always have that 6th sense abut them. I don't know if they're diagnoe depresiions in children this young. is he getting 12 hours of sleep a night? toddlers need extraordinary amounts of sleep. is he getting to spend sometime outside running around? Are there parks near you that you can put baby in the stroller and you and your little boy can head to the park? The exercise is good for you (releases endorphins) and will be good for your little boy. get some books and read to him - tht's another actiity that's good for both of you.

As for pres-school - ust becuase it's standard in the country you're in now doesn't mean your child has to attend. You are his mom. You get to make the decision that's right for your child. You know your child best - and if he hates it - why make him do it? It has to affect you too. If you drop him off for a 40 hour week and hes begging not to be left there - then that has to make you feel bad too. who cares what the other moms around you think. you're the mom - you get to decied what's best for your little dude.

So - watch a disney video like finding nemo or little mermaid - and sing and dance with your little boy. pick up baby & dance around the room with baby too. i ahve to say when my daughter was born I had no idea how to interact with a little child. When my sisters came to visit I watched them play with my child and that's how I learned how to communicate and interact with my child. I don't know why it's automatic for some parents and some of us have to learn from others. But I learned. I began thinking outloud to my kids "Ok now that you're finisehd eating I need to wash the dishes - I have to turn on the water, let's use this special soap" or - this is how I fold your shorts I fold them long ways first then sideways. then I put your clothes in one pile, your little's sister's laundry goes in this pile, etc, etc. Every so often i hear parents talking to their kids in the stores and I smile.

anyway - now that you'e been diagnosed and are taking medicine (yes?) things will being to look uo. keep your child home if you want, or search for an American-type preschool. Again - you're the mom you get to do waht you think is best for your child.

Since you are not divorcing, as suggested by Ronda, this is probably not depression.

I can't say for sure that 3 year old kids don't get clinical depression, but I think it's very rare. By clinical I mean depression that is chemical vs. situational.

The "weak and tired" comment stands out to me. I think you need to have his doctor get to the bottom of this. Make sure to have him include Lyme's.

Does he enjoy preschool? Is preschool new for him? The other thing that comes to mind is that maybe he is unhappy being away from you. Preschool is not for every three year old. Sometimes they just want mom.

And probably goes without saying that you should minimize the negativity and time outs. Use positive discipline.

Good luck.

It's hard to separate what you are going through from your 3 yr old.
He could have growing pains, growth spurts, teeth coming in, tonsil/adenoid troubles - not to mention your 7 month old must be getting more mobile and in your 3 yr olds way - he's just being 3.
It's great you are getting it checked out, but I don't see anything mentioned here to indicate there's anything abnormal going on with him.

It's rare for kids that young to have depression, but it isn't impossible. When I was diagnosed with PPD, I was told that kids who have a mom with PPD have a greater risk of being diagnosed with depression later. And kids will take on their parents' emotions. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a doctor.

I bet school is causing this.. kids have a hard time adjusting to preschool.

can he take a break from school?? a mental health day?