Deployment - Georgetown,CO

I agree with keeping it simple. My husband is in the U.S. Army and just returned home a few months ago from a 15 month deployment. We have 2 children. Our youngest had just turned 4 when he left and we tried to keep it as simple as possible. We talked to her and told her that Daddy had to leave to work and would be gone for a while. Also, we did not have this luxury but a lot of times the guys can get internet in their rooms. My husband was on a Special Forces unit so they were not allowed to have internet in their rooms, but alot of others do get it for a fee. If that is the case with your brother, then buy him or send him a webcam so your son can see him on webcam. Keep pictures of you brother around for you son to see and if you brother can call him occasinally that will help to. If you have any more questions, feel free to send me a private email and good luck!

B.

I am a military wife and have had to deal with this issue for the entirety of both of my childrens' lives. We have found the best way to deal with our kids is to tell them the truth. We say there are some bad people in this world and that Daddy is one of the brave people that has to go away and fight them to keep us safe. They have both grown up tremendously proud of their father. They talk either on the phone or computer as often as possible, as well as participate in putting together care packages for their father, and every evening at bedtime, we talk about Daddy, and kiss a picture of him goodnight.

Some people do things differently, obviously, but my father was a police officer in Los Angeles, and I grew up knowing the difference between good and bad people and the importance of doing what's right and protecting the ones you love.

I wish the absolute best for you and your family and I hope that this has in some way helped you! Take care and I hope that your brother stays safe!

Hi M., I strongly believe in simple, honest, straightforward conversations with everyone - adults and children included! How about just a simple "Uncle ____ is in the military and we are so proud of him. He's protecting us from the bad guys and making sure we all stay safe. He's going to have to go to another country for a while but we'll be able to Skype with him (if you can) (or email, or phone or whatever). We're all going to miss him but he will be back soon.

I wouldn't scare your child with the what ifs. . . those "what ifs" can happen on the way to the grocery store, too.

Hi All,

Well, my husband is in the Natl Guard and gone right now for 2 months. I have 2 four-year-olds and a 2-year-old and as soon as he left, they all regressed in their behavior, have more nightmares at night, and just all around more tense.

It is really, really hard! I have to explain to them every day that daddy is protecting us from bad guys and that he misses us and wishes he could come home, but he can't. They seem to need to hear that he wants to be with us, but can't, every day. They don't really have much of a concept of time, but I put up a calendar to show when he is coming back and we have a picture of a little dog that we move along on the calendar every day.

We make him care packages and they don't want to help. Last time he left, he made of video of himself reading a story and they would refuse to watch it. And when he calls on the phone, occasionally they want to talk to him, but usually they refuse. When he skypes us, they sometimes will talk to him, but don't really want to. It is weird.

I spoil them by letting them sleep in my room at night or in the living room at night because I figure, in the long scheme of things, I would rather them feel safe than enforce that rule. If anyone has any suggestions for me, I am all ears!

I just say, expect your boy to not understand and maybe even act upset, and then give him a break about it and lots of extra attention and love from other uncles or men helps.

Take care,

Marci

Just keep it simple, I would tell him that his uncle has to go out of the country to work. Show him on the globe. Make sure you let him help write letters and send pictures. At three they just need a small explanation. Make sure your brother reminds him how much he loves him and will see him soon. Hope this helps. My son has two uncles in Iraq and Afgan. we send pictures and letters. Lots of drawings! He is 9 now and they have been there off and on since he was 5. As he gets older he knows more about what they are doing, but he only dwells on the positive, we never talk about the danger. H.

My husband deploys once a year right now, along with TDY's (temporary duty which go from 2-6 weeks) We talk to my daughter about how daddy has to go to work in Iraq for a while. I don't talk about the war itself with her, and I won't unless she brings it up. I do talk about how daddy is going to protect people who need his help right now. We have lots of pictures around and go through the pictures. We also have DVD's of him reading her stories, so if there is something special your brother could record for him on a DVD before he leaves that could be a message, a story book he could read or even just telling him hey buddy I love you and I miss you and when I get home we will play/wrestle whatever they do when they hang out, it really helps so that the child doesn't feel so disconnected. My dd will be 3 this go around and her daddy is getting ready to leave again soon. Every time he goes he gets her a build a bear animal and records his voice in it with a message for her. She also has a hero doll which is basically a stuffed pillow with him on it in uniform. this year we made a pillowcase with Daddy on it for her and we are going to make a pillowcase for Daddy that she gets to sign for him so he has her loving him while he sleeps too. Having him be involved in making packages and sending notes to his uncle can help him to be connected still as well. as far as explaining the war, I would just talk about how he is going to work to help people who need him right now and we love and support him while he does that, if other questions come up because he's a smart kid answer them as they come along. I plan to do that with my dd this go around. It's hard when people say "aren't you scared your husband won't come back" and my dd is right there. Last time she didn't really understand that. This year I know she will and I am working on what to say if those moments come up...you probably won't have that issue as much where it isn't his father, but there are a lot of people who don't realize how insensitive their questions can be. Hang in there--it is a rough go but at the same time a time you can get closer through letters, packages, and reflections with pictures etc. of the memories you already have.

M. first thank your brother for his service. My step son was deployed for 18 months and my step son-in-law has been deployed twice each time for 18 months and when they left we told our kids where they were going and that they were going to protect the peoples freedom. at the time of their deployment the kids were 8,6,5,3 and 18 months. I'm not sure how much the little ones understood. My kids are very close to bother brothers so they always asked about them and when they were coming home so we would give them something like they'll be home when Christmas comes or after a birthday it made it easier to give them something they knew about. While they were gone the last time we got a camera for the computer and they got to talk them and see them a few times. My 18 month old would walk around with camera saying Jason and talk to him all the time. I don't know if this helps but this is what we did. Good luck.

Sesame Street made an awesome DVD to help explain parents going away. This DVD is free for military members. Not sure of the branch of service your brother is in. My husband is Air Force, so we got the DVD from the Airman, Family, Readiness Support Center(or whatever it is they are calling themselves now) while we were still pregnant with our daughter. Have your brother look into it.

I feel very strongly that you need to be honest, but in a language appropriate with the age of the child. If my husband were to leave today I would not talk about good or bad guys to my almost two year old. She wouldn't understand that. She would however understand that daddy had to go to work far away. I would encourage her to draw pictures for daddy since she loves to color.

You are the mother, you know best the comprehension level of your child.

Here's a link to the Elmo Deployment video on Sesame Street. I haven't watched it, but I've heard good things about it. It's free.

http://archive.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/

It's on the top right (the picture with Elmo and his Dad.)

When our brother first went to Iraq we told our daughter that her Uncles job was taking him far away to another country. When she asked what he was doing we told her he was helping people and taking care of our country. You can show your son a map of where is uncle is going and even show pictures of what the land is like. (We talked about the desert and how hot it is) Be honest but give simple answers to any questions. Most importantly know your son will take his cues from you, if you are worried and sad so will he. Until your brother comes back have your son draw pictures and send photos to your brother. We gave our daughter a little photo album that had pictures of family. Your son will miss his uncle, so talk about times spent together and listen. Our daughter will out of the blue tell us she misses her uncle, so we tell he we do to and remind her how nice it will be when we see him again. Send our warmest wishes and thanks to your brother. Good luck.