Deleted - Dartmouth,MA

As a teenager, there was a mom who did this. We were on the cheer squad with her daughter. She was a younger mom (younger than anyone elses) she got into our business and was completely inappropriate. Granted it was High school and while at first it was kind of nice having a "parent" who was like a kid. . . pretty soon it got to be annoying and none of the girls wanted to be around her or talk to her any longer.
that said, my mother continued to be a typical mom offering solid advice and she even started tempering my time at this girl's house. She offered more events at our home, movie nights, patio parties, etc. It was nice because it removed this meddling momma from our hair and we realized how much fun we had without her.
So my suggestions:1. offer dauthger and friends a crazy fun alternative 2. continue to be a mom and offer solid wisdom/advice (because that is what kids really want/need) 3. Try not to make a huge issue out of it because it will run its course.

This sounds really familiar. Didn't this same question just turn up yesterday (almost the same ages, too). You wouldn't be talking about the same situation from Momtoteens from Chesterfield, MO, would you because it sounds like you're part of the same group and having the same problem.
This step Mom is very insecure and can't separate her own teen-hood from her step daughters. The really sad part about this is, the only way to stay out of this is to totally cut off the entire family, because any 'in' the step mother has, she will use. I really feel sorry for the step daughter, and I totally blame her father for marrying this teeny bopper wanna be rather than a mature (has nothing to do with age) secure-in-who-she-is woman.
If you want to try to keep the friend, your daughter is going to have to be strong and stand up against the interrogations. Maybe not visit her friends house anymore and only have the friend over to your house - and the step Mom may not allow it if she can't work herself into the middle. It really might be best for your daughter to cultivate friends who are not part of this crowd.

Hi, I totally feel your pain. I know parents like that and due to the fact they either became parents too early or just do not want to grow up they teach the kids how to manipulate with their behaviors.

I would ask your daughter if the girls could come to your house more often to stay away from the drama. Tell the girls that you want them to just have a good time and not feel like an adult is all in their business. At least you can keep an eye on the girls and they are away from this woman. Does not sound like the step mom will mind as they don't seem to care about the "normal' things.....

I would avoid a confrontation, I do not think it will work out well. She will manipulate it to be your problem and spread gossip about you.

Good LucK

Why have you re-written this question and asked it again? Did you not get the answers you were looking for?

~If it bothers you this much, I say call the evil step-mom out on it! Just tell her as straight forward as possible, that your daughter and yourself don't keep secrets from each other and you would appreciate it if she no longer tried to get information out of your daughter!

If it was me, I would be confident enough in my relationship with my daughter...seeing how your daughter did come and tell you everything (including the "I wont tell your mom business", which IS out of line BTW) and let it all go! I would have another chat with my kid to watch herself around this catty woman and remind her that she is just trying to stir up stuff!

I had a situation very similar to this happen. My son was really good friends with a little girl. Her mom is step mother to her husbands older daughter. I went over once to pick my son up and all these teenage kids were making out with their boyfriends in the backyard. My sons little friend is a compulsive liar. I changed it so all the playdates were at our house. I had no clue what was going on at their house. Some of the stuff i heard was disgusting. I was able to monitor stuff at my house a little better.
I eventually had to put an end to their friendship (luckily at that age you still have some control) I couldnt handle the stuff the mother was doing and saying. There was no trust. They do still see each other on the bus. We do have our yearly arguements. Id rather not deal with the drama. It is tough, but i would say distance yourself and make sure playdates are under your roof.

find a movie promoting the thoughts/ideas you wish your daughter/her friends to model.....have a sleepover.....& let that movie plant the thought! From there, you may just get their attention.

Continue having an open dialog with your daughter, & if you're lucky....she'll start sharing with her friends & get them to chose a more mature behavior. By modeling the desired behavior....without verbally hounding the girls...you may find success! Good Luck & Peace.

Give the girls some credit, as they probably already know that this "adult" is a bit "whack". She's probably the butt of some of their jokes even.
You should feel confident that your daughter shares with you (showing that the step-mom teenager wannabe doesnt hold much respect in your daughters eyes already), and TRUST knowing that you have given your daughter the correct common sense tools to muddle through the wierdos that we all encounter in life. Keeping your current communication skills up with your own daughter is all you really need to be concerned with. Step-mom's lameness will eventually become apparent to all of the girls and they probably won't pay her too much attention. Don't perpetuate the drama, stay being a "mature" mom. Sounds like you are doing fine.

didn't you ask this question yesterday just with a different title?

I have an aunt who acts that way with her daughter's friends, she shares her daughter's clothes and even took her & her friends to egg someone's house. I really don't think the kids take this kind of adult seriously. It's a good sign that your daughter told you about this lady wanting to keep secrets, it means she knows better! If it would make you feel better, have a talk with this lady and remind her that it's unhealthy to encourage kids to keep things from their own parent - how would she feel if her daughter told you things instead of her?