Defiance Say No

how old is he?
if he's 3 yrs old or more there need to be SERIOUS consequences for his choice of rude behavior!
take away TV, video games and all things he enjoys!
he then needs to EARN them back by choosing to use his MANNARS.

hate is a STRONG word. try to catch him exhibiting behaviors you DO like.

you need a reward system (again if he's older than 3).
also read Magic 1--2-3.
these 2 things will help.

He's a kid. It's a game. Make it fun. Tell him "No" and then "Yes!" It willbreak his frustration. He's hormonal...and not in control. Quit being offended by it. Learn to enjoy his rebellion, as it will help when he's a teenager...

I would like to hear what other mothers post about this one. There seems to be an I-hate-you phase with most kids, I know mine went through it and I could tire telling them that those were hurtful words and that they shouldn't say them but how were they to understand fully the meaning of what they are saying? They are just little kids with no experience in life who thought it was fun to say because they got our attention. They said it for many years on and off and eventually grew out of it around the age of 6-7 or so. They are 12 and 14 now and would never dare to say such thing and when I ask them they say they got it from the cartoons and thought it was funny (Rugrats). I saw a few of the posts and have to agree that in some children it could be something hidden that they are resenting but this depends on the child, at 3, what do they know about hate? They know they dislike something, but hate? I don;t think they can be so evil that you need to punish them harshly, if they are older then maybe there is a more serious underlying issue but never pusnish without knowing what the real problem is.

J.
it may be possible that if they moved from a place with dad he is a youngster voicing his disdain with sudden changes that are not too comfortable for him by making the choice to voice the word no. He is probably letting the world know that he is at his personal limit. little ones have them too. this will sound dramatic and tramatizing, but it worked and I only had to do it once so think hard about the effects on your little one before you try it.

My son got some very bad things in his ears that came out of his mouth from being on the playground when he was a little one. when i noticed it, and was sure of what he was saying, I sat down on the couch and covered my face with my hands and pretended to "boo-hoo" cry so hard that he came over and tried to console me. I told him no hugs, because his bad word made me feel sad and that the bad words in his mouth was going to make his tongue disappear and I did not want that to happen to him because I loved him and I loved talking to him. I told him the bad words made me afraid. He tried to hug me harder and said, no more bad words mommy, no more bad words. I hugged him, kissed him and sad thank you. that cured that, with my grandson who is now 5, I told him that I was going to tell his grandpa when he came home from work and that grandpa was going wash the dirty word in his mouth out with soap. he continued on about a week or so later, he said the s word and I looked at him and said, "oooooooooooooooh, that was a bad word." and I had a look that was serious. He understood and stopped. (may work with I hate you. he needs to understand the power of those three words and the sting they can bring to others.)
(I'm a drama queen I know.), I think that if you try to have him replace thank-you with no, it could change things, make up a game with his favorite toy and hand it back and forth saying thank you, a cheap dollar toy or little surprise that you will not give him when the no word appears, he will catch on, do this with a cookie or treat shortly afterwards, and withhold it if he does not say thank you instead of no, it's a shot in the dark but give it a try. do not reward bad behavior. you will find a way. I know you will, you are a good granny. tried to compile both request in one here, hope you understand.
little ones come with phases also, this too shall pass just be vigilant and firm, remain calm, he knows about cause and effect. all little ones do.

He is using the only words he knows to try to tell those around him that he is angry and upset. He wasn't born with these words so consider where he is learning such negative options first and foremost....but most importantly he needs reassurance in his world right now. He obviously is feeling negative over something. If the moving in with family is new, leaving dad is new, or something else has recently triggered this behavior, instead of focusing on his words, focus on helping him deal with the change and regain his confidence and security.
Punishing him without fixing the underlying problem just breeds resentment in the long run.

Where did he get this from. Who in the family is defianant and says I hate you?