Defiance in Kindergarten

Sounds like he's not ready for kindergarten. Can you find a pre-K class for him? The class sizes are usually small enough for him to get individual attention while getting him used to the school environment? Smaller private schools are much better for working with strong willed children and don't just send them to the principal's office.

It could be that he's still a bit young for kindergarten. Even if he is academically ready, that doesn't mean that he's ready socially. Have you thought about trying out a half day, a few days a week pre-k? I teach 3rd grade and although some kids are able to handle being in school early, some - especially boys - benefit SO much from just waiting one extra year. I would wait on kindy, especially full-day. It's a lot for a 4 year old. Up here, 4 year olds aren't even enrolled in kindy.

Hi,
I'm a Kindergarten teacher from NY and we are about to start the school year on Tuesday. I am sure that I will get a few younger rambunctious students as I do every year. Starting school is not easy, there are new routines, new rules, new faces, new places, and a lot of new expectations. I hope that the teacher he has is experienced enough to see that he needs guidance, patience and a predictable routine, which from the top, comes with a discussion for consequence for good and bad behavior. You don't mention if he has been in school before or if curriculum is to difficult. Most teachers only send the child to the office if the child becomes a danger to others(hitting, kicking, throwing things); or if tantrums become out of control. In my opinion, if they are sent down for other then that in the beginning of the year, then the teacher is giving away control of her discipline. If you are called in to remove him from school every time he is sent to the office, He has picked up on what to do if he wants to go home. Talk with the principal about the experience of the teacher, and what behavior plans they offer to kids who need more structure when they start school. He may need to change teachers before you consider taking him out and going to pre-school again. If he never attended school, and you can afford a pre-k program, its a good option.
Most states do have a an earlier cut off and those who are not 5 by September don't go to Kindergarten. In NY we still have a December 1st cut off date, so I always have children who turn 5 in November. Older children usually adapt better because they have matured and they have more pre-school experience. Some years it is not the younger aged child that acts out, just the more immature. I find it usually takes about 6 weeks to get all the students in my class secure with the rules and routines and changes they had to get used to going to a new school.
Make sure you have set clear rules from home about school behavior and the consequences for both good and bad behavior. Create a communication book with the teacher that gets written in daily to let you know how his day was. When the book comes home with good notes, praise him and make him feel like a million bucks. If not so good comments are written, remind him the punishment( talked about and known prior to) such as no video games till Friday, a certain toy being taken away. Makes sure he knows what to do to earn them back. Focus on the positive behavior and even create a chart so he can see how often he "wins" at having a good day. Make sure he understands what he will earn for say, 3 or 5 good days in a row, such as a special trip to the park or game played with you before he has to do homework.
Also, make sure that his home routine is strong and predictable for him. Homework same time each day, dinner, bath and bed. Hard to do with a new baby, but a solid routine will make life easier for all.
This will pass and you will see him grow and become a confident student! Remember that he needs to take ownership of his behavior, you only help to keep him on track by reminding him how to behave and what your expectations are. I hope some of this helps, if he didn't show any behavior problems at home, I wouldn't sense that it was a new baby issue. Ask if there are any kids who also act out, or are bothering him. He may be acting out to copy others or in reactions to kids who have figured out how to push his buttons!
I wish you and your son a great Kindergarten year!

D.:
I have been a first grade teacher for 11 years. I have three children. Personally and professionally, I would always recommend that children are on the older side of the age range. Your son is on the younger side. I am confident when I say there are 6 year olds in the same classroom. Potentially there is a two year age gap.

I would pull him out immediately and place him back in preschool. He is literally trying to tell you that the day is too long, the curriculum too academic, and the changes are too much. From how your question is written it sounds as if this behavior is new. If he did not exhibit it in preschool than put him back where he was successful. What in the world is the rush?

The pre-k for a year sounds like a great idea. Being an older child in the class has advantages being smarter, a leader, bigger, more mature. For those reasons pull him out. Does CA have a Dec. cut of date?
OR is Sept. 1. My friends son was a "bad boy" in first grade because he couldn't handle sitting there for hours. He acted out. He is a good kid, just not in one spot for hours. Second grade he had the maturity to handle it and was really good and smart. He just can't get rid of the bad boy label from the other kids or parents. Most kids regress/need adjusting with new siblings. That with adjusting to school could be the "hot spot".

Enroll him in Pre-K or Preschool....
Boys... often mature slower than girls. And he is late born.
He has a TON to adjust too... which he does not seem able to yet.
And having a new baby in the home... is hard on him.

My daughter was 4... when I had my 2nd child.
I spent a TON of time on her while I was pregnant and after the baby came home. Her little brother.
I explained, in simple terms, what a baby was. What a baby does. That a baby is not like her and does not know things like she does. That a baby cries, and wakes and needs to feed from Mommy. But that she does NOT have to worry or feel 'responsible' for it, because it is Mommy's 'job.'
I explained to her that she can TELL me anything she feels, happy or grumpy feelings. Its okay. I WILL listen to her and comfort her. My Daughter was in Preschool... when I had my 2nd baby. She was 4.
So aside from just spending time with her, my eldest... I ALSO talked with her a TON. I told her explicitly.. that I do NOT expect her to suddenly 'become' older just because she is the older child.
I kept ALL my 'expectations' of her... age appropriate... and always looked out for her and her Emotional... balance. Because behaviorally, once they do act out... it means they are ALREADY having a hard time.
So try to attend to them, PRIOR to them acting out. Acting out... like that is a symptom... of what they are feeling. Inside. Having a child's heart and feelings. Not on adult terms.

A boy, especially, NEEDS to know they CAN express their 'feelings' and that it is okay... and that they are 'allowed' to... say what they feel or think. That it is OKAY.... to feel frustration and even cry, too... and to feel awkward. It is all part... of development.

I never 'expected' my Eldest, once I had a 2nd child... to therefore be 'perfect.' I told her that.... verbatim. Because otherwise, she felt 'pressure' to be an "older" child. An older sibling. But a child that age, CANNOT act perfectly like that. They are just a kid. With stress and frustrations too.
And they can say it....

I also told my girl, 'don't worry... you are ALWAYS Mommy's first baby.... and I love you... always."

Anyway, just what I did. My girl then adjusted well... to her baby brother. They are 2 peas in a pod.. .and very close.
I focused on 'them'... as a family.

I never treated my pregnancy or my 2nd baby... as "my" routine... but as a FAMILY as a whole. That my Eldest, was a PART of that... not just a satellite floating around everything I was doing, with her baby brother.

Not easy. But your son... is having a hard time adjusting to everything. And this is normal.

all the best,
Susan

I think it's really rare to send a kindergartner to the office. What exactly is he doing? If he's not clobbering the other kids regularly or something drastic.. I'd look closely into their discipline policy. Consider another program if possible, a program geared to 4 year olds not five going on six year olds, maybe the problem is he's less mature than the other kids and the expectations are just way too difficult for him, Maybe he is just not developmentally ready to listen and follow complex directions, share and take turns, sit for longer periods of time and the whole thing is too frustrating for him

Hello Debboe, I guess I need to start this with I am the mother of 5 and have raised many foster children.
His hot spot just might be that he is a typical 4 year old. 4y/o are going through a transition of toddlerhood to childhood and its hard on their bodies & your heart..
My son came home from college with a interesting chapter in his Pych. class that said" 4 year olds were just 2 year olds with a mouth." He is the youngest in his class at school. Kindergarten isn't like play school he has to be structured and accountable to do what is told and when. Having been the king of the family and the world revolve around him has been great and the only thing he's known and now he gets to share the throne and crown. I can tell you that we have 3 of our children with newborns-14 months and an older child 3-5. They have made it a practice to have the elser child be the one that picks what the baby wears,helps with things and they have let the housework and laundry go and play and read to the elder child when baby sleeps. Yes, its great to socialise a child but in his mind maybe you sent him to school to get rid of him not to educate him( I actually had a child say that to me once). So I say consider hiring the babysitter or some teen in the neighborhood to come in and do the things that have to be done around the house and you spend extra time until he is secure with himself. Good Luck mom, hang in there and just think of this part of parenthood as an adventure ride with lots of twists and turns and something new around every cornor but at the end of the ride you had fun and wanted to do it again! By the way I kept 2 home until they were turning 6 just becasue it was best for them and started 2 early becasue it was best for them.

I would discuss with his teacher whether or not she thinks he's ready for kindergarten. He is technically allowed to start school at this age, but often times kids that are at the younger end of the spectrum (especially boys) tend to be not as ready as those kids who have birthdays after December and who start later. If his teacher thinks he's just not ready, I would pull him out and get him in a two or three day a week preschool to get him used to being a way from you without it being every single day. This will give him time to mature a bit more so that he can be ready to start kindergarten next year.

Maybe he's not ready socially for kindergarten. His birthday is very late for a kindergartner and they say boys develop later socially than girls so it may not be his fault. In our part of the country you have to be 5 by Sept 1 to go to kindergarten. If he's not ready, it might be best for him to put him back in pre-k. Talk to his teacher and see what he/she thinks.

Sounds like Kindergarten is his 1st away from mom & home experience AND he's adapting to his new sibling. That might be too much all at once. My mother-in-law and several friends are Kindergarten teachers and they all say that the majority of kids who are not 5 by the 1st day of school should wait till the next school year regardless of the local cut off date.

I would try and get him "socialized" and in a structured school type environment this year. A pre-K program would be great if possible, but maybe your local gym childcare has structured kid activities while you either workout or sit and enjoy some quality you time. Maybe you can join a local mom group that has a large group of same age kids for him to play with several times a week.

Basically, whether your kid is an only or not, if he's going to public school he's going to have to learn how to deal with kids his age and that he's not the center of the universe. However you decide to go about it, good luck!

My daughter was home with me for 2 years. She was suppose to start kindergarten this year, but our pediatrician suggested we put her in a program that they learn in, called a bridging program. My daughter struggled the first week, but now is doing better. I was afraid I would regret this decesion, but I do'nt. You son may be over stimulated by everything. I wish you luck.

My first thoughts are that he is very young to start kindergarten..sure he beats the deadline but he is young and to top it off it is an all day class. Then you mention that the babysitter gives him plenty of attention and that you "try your best". Your son wants you....and more of you and he will act out to get you whether it be positive or negative attention. I don't think it is because he was an only child for 4 years or likes being with adults. Have you considered pulling him out and trying again next year when he is older?

I will only echo what so many have said--he is too young for kindergarten, especially with a new baby in the house, and even more especially for full-time (all day??) kindergarten. And not being ready for kindergarten will make the rest of his school years a hassle--believe me, I have a late October boy who always struggled in school because he was too young. If you can't afford even a parent-coop precshool where you put the baby in the school's nursery and spend one day in his school working, then why not keep him home and let him still be around you? I'm not scolding you, just trying to put it in his view: You brought a new creature into my house, and you spend all your time with this new creature, and now you are taking me to a new, strange place and leaving me there for a long, long time while you go off with that strange new creature. I want more of you!

best of luck.

It sounds like he just needs time to adjust to being one of many, instead of the only one. I would try to get him involved in more social activities so he gets used to being one of many, perhaps a t-ball team or something like that so he gets used to being part of the crowd. I definitely don't think more one-on-one time is going to get you where you need to be. He's had that for four years and that's what he's used to. he needs to get used to the crowd. you might think about taking him out of kindergarten and giving him a year of preschool.

Wow- 4 is quite young in my opinion to be starting Kindergarten. Is there any way to put him in a Pre-K class first?
Just my two cents,
R.

I think there are just too many new changes. Maybe if you wait a year and start him next year in kindergarten he will do better.
I held my third, she is an Oct 28 birthday. She started at 5 almost 6. She would have been lost if she started at 4.

There is a new law, just passed, stating that children need to be 5 by Sept. 1st in order to start kinder. It's being phased in over the next three years...Nov. 1st, then Oct. 1st, then Sept. 1st. As others have said, it would be in his best interest to take him out of kinder this year and place him back in preschool. He's just not developmentally ready for it yet.