Deciding That One Is Enough

K.- i know what you mean about the sibling thing. My daughter is 5 and I had her at almost 42. We got married just before i turned 41 and we'd decided no kids because we were older. wanted to travel too set in our ways, financial etc. One month later I was pg. Can you say "G-d's Plan"? LOL on the day she was born (planned c-section because she was breech, and I tried EVERYTHING to get her to turn) my father paseed away. At the EXACT time they made the incision. I had even changed the DOB for some reason. What I guess I am saying is that it will happen as it's supposed to. I had never been pg in my life. I DO wish I'd known sooner what the joy wuld be as I wish my daughter could have a sib. I'm 47 and if I got pg tomorrow it'd be ok with me. we are not trying though (and we weren't then either) You are still very young and have time for more. If you can enjoy this moment and the answer will come. i know people who've been trying for a couple of years and haven't conceived. In my humble little opinion it's out of our control!! as far as the spread out sib thing...My sister is 6 yrs older than I, my bro is 6 yrs older than she and the oldest sister is 14 yrs older than me. we are very close even though 2 of them were out of the house by the time i turned 6! On the other hand- what if i had a baby and my daughter and baby didn't like each other? I see friends that don't speak to their sibs. In fact my husband and his brothers rarely talk (I speak to my sisters and mom nearly every day and my brother and i email all the time and talk about once a month...) anyways thanks for your post as it gave me the chance to look at this!! Best, H.

Hi K., my first advice to you would be if you plan another child, get married first.A only child can be a lonely life, 2 is easier than one becasue the two entertain one another so you can get stuff done, and you don't have to be the one always entertaining, there;s just not enough time in the day. I think about things like Christmas eve, my 3 would all sneak in one room all excited, and asking what do you think your getting, andwhatdo you think your getting, just having someone to share that excitment with apposed to the only child laying in there be Christmas Eve, alone, If you wait two or three years from now, your kids will not be playmates, by the time the baby will be old enough to play your daughter will be in school all day envolved in after school activities, friends, and you again will be the soul entertainer. I know with us we tried to have our kids no more than 2 years apart, are first 2 which are boys are 3 years and 5 months apart, but are the best of friends, they have played, in the same Basket Ball Leaughes togeher same teams, now our 21 year old is up in AZ with our 24 year old and they are training together for the UFC. now our second child and our third which is our daughter, they are only 2 years and 4 months apart, but are very close, so now we have 24, 21 and 19 and they are a blessing to us and to each otherI was 32 when I had my daughter, didn't want kids past 30, but I really wanted a little girl, it worked out perfect becasue the year i turned 50 she turned 18, so by 50 all of our kids were grown, she still lives with us and is going to college. J.

I used to want more than one child, too. At one time I thought I wanted 4!!! But now that I have my son (who will be 4), I can't imagine having another one.

I love my son with all my heart! He's the best little guy and we have so much fun together! But, I also know the limitations of my schedule (I work full-time and have civic commitments and of course take care of a home and also watch out for my Mom who lives with us) and my finances. There are so many things in life I want for my little guy! I want him to go to college. I'd love to help him get a car when he's ready (not buy him the car, but help him figure out the financing...that's a lesson I plan on building on as he grows...how to properly manage his finances). I have him in private preschool now, and I'd love to continue that through elementary school at least. I love shopping for his clothes and surprising him with toys he likes on his b-day, and taking him to the movies, just the two of us. I'm looking forward to taking trips to other cities in other states, and perhaps other countries as he gets older, too.

I don't believe I'd have the time and resources to do all that if I had two kids. I don't doubt that I would also love a second child with all my heart, too. But, as parents you always want to give your kid(s) all your love PLUS...you know? You want to at least give them a little more than what you grew up with. I feel like I can better do that if my son is my one and only.

And he's in preschool and making friends, so he's not lonely (if anything he is an incredibly social child). And when he's at his father's (we're divorced) he's got cousins and his dad's friend's kids to play with. I don't believe that one and only means one and lonely. As a parent of an only child you just know to make sure and provide, or rather bring, your child to social situations so they learn to make friends. What I know is my child, even as an only child, has so many people who love him and love to be around him.

Siblings are wonderful (I know, I have one...my brother is 3 years younger than me and we get along just fine), but there's also nothing wrong with being an only child. Love your child and give her all you've got and you'll be good and so will she!

Hope this helps!

The world is changing. Now more and more people are having fewer children. Parents today will have to plan get togethers so that their kids get to have much of the fun that used to come from larger families. I noticed the lady who suggested you have more and that they should be as close together as posible had her children quite a while ago. I have to laugh a little. I don't think she remembers how much fighting goes on between children who "entertain" each other. Children who are not close in age don't fight nearly as much. It's true that they don't get to be "best buddies", but they do love each other and get a lot from each other and they have a lot less bruising in the process. You are young and don't have to rush. You can wait for your significant other to be fully on bord before you go ahead with this. I had two children at 32 and 36. I thought it was better that way.

We are facing the same decision. It is hard, because I had decided that we would have 2 children, period, but now... I am not working, and don't know how we could afford another one...
Good luck
R.