Decided to Stop Ttc #3 - Boston,MA

When something has been a struggle and fraught with disappointment and heartbreak for a long time, it can be a relief to finally let it go.
I'm not sure there's anything he can read to help him understand how you are feeling.
Just tell him you need some time to mourn that your child bearing years are over.
How would he feel if he knew with absolute certainty that he'd done something he really enjoyed for the very last time and he'd never do it again?
It's hard for guys to empathize sometimes.
It's a rite of passage - a whole new phase - and life is full of them.
You need some time to adjust your gears.

J., I hope that the additional tests will come up negative. My thoughts are with you. I AM surprised that your husband was surprised about your tears. I would ask him why it surprised him that you cried.

I don't know of any articles, but I do think that talking about it is good. A support group might be helpful if you feel the need to have one.

Hugs~
Dawn

I don't think a man could EVER really understand how a woman feels when she has to let go of the dream of nurturing a child in her womb. They just can't understand that. They are not biologically wired to.

It must be a relief for him to be able to stop worrying about this, after the emotional roller coaster that he's been in for the past half a year or more. He has that working for him, and he can't understand your maternal aspect of it.

You can explain it to him and I'm sure he will be a shoulder for you to cry on, but he can't truly be empathetic this time.

I'm SO sorry you've had to go through this. :(

Do the doctors know why you've miscarried other than the theory about an immune disorder? If the tests for that turn out negative, you should try to find out the cause in case it's an easy fix like low progesterone or something.

If you do decide to stop trying, I don't have any suggestions for reading materials. I do know what's helped me give up wanting to have more babies. I focus on the children I already have, I focus on the pros of my family being complete now: It's getting easier to travel, go on outings, go to my older kids' sporting events. Homework time now that two kids are in school full day is going to be busier, and adding a new baby to that would very stressful. I have a hard time dividing my attention and spending quality individual time already. We sleep through the night most nights.....etc..... I think about all of these things and it makes me realize that we shouldn't have another one. This is what helps me when I feel sadness that my child bearing years are over.

You have my condolences. Hopefully your doctor can find a reason and solve the problem.

My DIL has a similar problem and went to a reproductive clinic and then got pregnant and kept the kids to birth. 8 years later, they are still doing fine.

Good luck to you and yours.

So sorry for what you are going through.

Have you contacted Resolve? They are a nation-wide organization that deals with infertility, either secondary as in your case or primary. There are meetings, support groups, on-line resources, and more.

The "logic" of moving on is very different from the "heart" of grieving and being sad. And there is no timetable on grief so try not to push yourself to "get over it" in a particular period of time. Take care of yourself.

So sorry that things have turned this way. I would journal. Maybe even write a letter for your husband about how you are feeling. Sometimes it is easier to write than talk. You just want him to understand, right? Rather than just an article (although if you can find one that might be helpful) why not just write it down for him yourself?

Blessings.

I am so sorry for the loss you are feeling. Sometimes it is hard to express your pain, especially to someone else who is. Your husband may also be having his own problems, but handling it differently. I think writing letters with your feelings is a good idea. This way your husband can read your feelings and have an understanding. Perhaps he can write his feelings as well for you to read.

I came across this blog today, and it is a way for women to write their grief out. It might be an option if you decide to blog or journal http://unspokengrief.com/

I wouldn't suggest reading the stories right now as you are in mourning yourself. It just may be an option later on.

Blessings.