So my MIL's dog is dying. I would just take the approach that Pedro doesn't live there anymore and leave it at that. But, my BIL and SIL live with MIL and they have a 6 year old who will know more and talk about Pedro's death to my daughter. What do I tell her? Pedro went to live with God? Since she is only 3, I really don't want to have to answer to many questions about death. I like the idea of her being ignorant to it. But if she asks questions I will answer. When the time comes, how do I tell her Pedro is dead without opening the door to too many questions?
Just tell her that Pedro is sick & will be going to heaven soon. When he dies tell her that the angels needed him in heaven. There is no need to make it long or drawn out. Only answer the questions if she asks them.
I think it is best not to hide death even from a child of any age. Learning on a pet is a great way to go after all. However, a three year old will not understand. That's okay. you are teaching her and she will learn from the experience.
I'd say something like, "Pedro was very very old (or very very sick. sicker than anyone you know has ever been!) and he died. That means he is never coming back." Then tell her how you feel. "I am sad and will miss Pedro", or "Grandma will be sad and miss Pedro." If your daughter gets sad that is okay. Don't tell her not to cry. Answer her questions the best you can without going into any gory details. It's okay to say, "I don't know."
Also..... you might do some google searches to get ideas on what professionals say as to how to handle a child of that age.
I'd look at this as an opportunity. Be open. Death is a part of life but it becomes really scary when our parents are too afraid to discuss it.
Just tell her Pedro is nearing the end of his life and he could die any day now. Be matter of fact. Tell her that dogs live only about x years and that he had a great life. Don't be afraid of her questions - sometimes young kids come up with great ones. We have a very elderly dog who our kids love and I tell them now and then (ages 3 and 8) that he won't live forever. That we will miss him when he is gone. That he had a good live filled with love, treats and walks. They are very matter of fact about it. When we got our 2 hamsters I did the same thing. I told them they only live about a year to a year and a half. When one died recently our kids were very matter of fact about it. We buried him, we talked about what we loved about him and all the ways he had a good hamster life. They really were not too upset. Start talking about it now so your 6 year old isn't caught off guard...that's my advice!
I would tell her that Pedro will likely die soon. He is old and dogs only live (approximately) X years. That will mean he is no longer alive - he won't breathe or walk or eat. And it is forever. I would tell her that MIL will be sad because she will miss Pedro. I would not tell her he was needed in heaven - she may start wondering about Angels needing you or her dad or even her. She will probably not understand it completely. At some point, after Pedro dies, she may ask when he is coming back.
DS lost his pet fish (yes it was a fish, but he fed it and petted it every day - yes the fish came up to the top to be petted) when he was 3. DH and I thought he would be sad. He was - for about 15 minutes. Then he moved on - wanted to know when we could get another fish. He did ask when the fish was coming back to life a few days later - the concept of forever is difficult at that age.
ETA: Don't only beings with souls go to heaven according to Christian/Catholic belief? So this would exclude pets, wouldn't it?
Kids are incredibly resilient. She will cope with it just fine as long as you and your in-laws are fine. I personally think it is better to introduce the concept to her now before someone dies that is really close to her.
My dog of 13 years died on 10-14-12. After I cried and reminised I told my kids on facebook. The grandkids that could read understood. The ones that didn't were told by my kids. If you are of a christian religion, you have probably already talked about heaven. And its similar to the movie "All (good) Dogs Go to Heaven."
They were sad for me because they and I will miss a friend and they offered me their sorrow. No trauma on their side.
Good luck to you and yours.
The library is your friend. See if there are books that deal with this subject for that age level.
At 3, she will not fully understand the concept of death. Just tell her that Pedro went to doggie heaven. There's also a book called "When a Pet Dies" but she may be too young for that.
I wouldn't suggest to her that your or grandma or anyone else is sad. She'll then feel like she should feel sad, but won't really understand why. Just leave it as the dog when to doggie heaven and see if she has any questions beyond that.
