Dealing with Lying

For an 8 year old I would ground her for two days and call it good. She knows she did wrong which is why she hid it, and you talked to her as to why it's wrong. Any more than that and I think it's beating a dead horse. I used to get grounded for a week and usually after 3 days my parents would let me watch tv.

Well, she's 8 and I think this was a perfect time for her to try this and a perfect time for her to get caught.
She tried it, she got busted....she will get busted every single time. Did she really think you wouldn't find out? Did she really think the teacher couldn't tell you didn't sign the initials? She was hoping to get away with something and whoopsie....she didn't.
I know a ton of kids who have tried this. It's not so much a matter of lying as it is a matter of them hoping you won't know.
She tried. She failed.
I would ground her, not for life or anything, I would talk to the teacher and let your daughter know that from now on, anytime something is sent home, you will be notified by e-mail so no use trying to hide anything because you'll be looking for it. Let her know you're disappointed, mainly because of the trust issue, but also because she apparently thinks the adults in her world wouldn't figure it out.
Mom always finds out.

You know, my son was dawdling about getting ready for school one morning and I could hear him in the bathroom. He came out with the thermometer and said I better take a look. He said he was sure, according to the termomometer, he was sick. I took one look and said, "Son, you held it under the hot water a little too long."
He got this shocked look on his face and asked me how I knew.
I said, "Because according to this, you are technically dead. Better luck next time. Go get ready for school."
That's all I needed to say.
He tried it, got caught. (A boy in his class told him he got out of school by putting it on a lightbulb, but my son thought that was too dangerous).
Kids try things.
They find out it doesn't work.
You move on from there.

Just my opinion and best wishes.

hello S., i completely understand what you mean. my sweet, wonderful, brilliant son is going through a phase where he is refusing to take ownership of his decisions, especially the bad choices. even when he is caught red handed, he tries to "explain" things and deflect responsibility and deny his role in the situation. it is madenning. currently, he has lost all his electronics, computer, t.v., phone, video games. if he doesn't straighten up, the playdates and sleepovers are next. i told him that i would strip his room bare if that is what it takes to get him to understand how important this is.

the bottom line is that everone has their set of things that are important to them. your challenge is to figure out what means most to her and leverage that to get her to realize she has control over whether she maintains her privileges, toys, etc... my attitude is that it will be much easier to address this when they are little than to wait until they are in their teens or beyond.

i know you must have been shocked but i will add one more point. this is absolutely age appropriate for her. this doesn't make it okay but it does help put a context around the situation. best of luck to you all. i am sure it will all work out for the best. :-) S.

I think you did the right thing. Losing recess is a VERY big deal at this age (especially if she has to sit in the office.) I'm sure she'll think before trying to get away with something like that again. Let her know how disappointed you are, and that you expect her to always be honest with you. If it DOES happen again follow up with a meeting between you, her and the teacher. That usually gets the point across big time!

All my mother ever had to say to me is " I am so disappointed and hurt that you...." I was a puddle. I was / am a pleaser. But I am also very strong willed.

Speak with her about how it makes YOU feel. Remind her she represents the family so her good behavior is not just for herself. Also speak with her about trust.

It is so easy to lose trust in someone who lies, cheats, steals and so hard to gain it back.

I agree to ground her for a day or if she had anything planned this weekend, maybe it needs to be cancelled because of HER poor behavior and choices.

I think what you did was right and I would tell he that you might want to discuss the situtation with her teacher. But i would also discuss consequences at home. Early bed time or loss of tv priveledges works well for my 7 yr old.
I would also discuss that while her actions might have consequences you will always love her, and as her mom it is important you know the things she is dealing with in her life. and also that she always has choices- she could have made a better choice at school and therfore would not have gotten the card flipped. But since she made the choice to cover it up she will have suffer the consequences. make sure you do all this with out anger or emotion (except the you lover her part) Good luck!
and maybe i would keep going thru her backpack..

I would ground her to! For a couple days.. BUT heres the trick, You need to stick with it for those 2 day, No exceptions AT ALL! If you dont stick with it then that all she will learn is that you broke. Kids are funny like that" It harder on us parents at times to stick with our rules then it is for the child. But if you do it is a huge reward in the long run. And thats the BIG picture we are looking at is the long run right? And make sure theres chores in those 2 days.... Not just a lazy kick back time.. ;) -GOOD LUCK MOM' -stick to it!

My kids aren't as old as yours but what we're trying to instill is that if they come clean the punishment is X , if they lie or try to hide it, etc. the punishment will be 3X. I tell them that moms and dads ALWAYS find out so it is better to own up and deal with a situation.

So, in your case I would tell your daughter that if she had talked to you about it and had you sign the slip she would have gotten X for punishment but b/c she tried to hide it and lie she will be getting 3X (whatever your child's currency is).

I also agree w/ you... I think that at 8 yo forging your moms signature is a really big deal!!

My daughter is 7 1/2 and in 2nd grade and very strong willed, as well -- so I know what you're dealing with. =) I believe you have done the right thing. I wouldn't make the punishment at home very big, but I would have a SERIOUS talk with her when she got home. Just let her know that she lied by signing someone else's initials. Plus, she should always be honest and "fess up" to mistakes or bad decisions. That's how you help her learn & grow into a loving adult. Again, I wouldn't punish her...but I think she's old enough for a more adult-like conversation about why that is unacceptable. Sounds like she's a good kid though, mom. Be sure to remind her of those things, too! :)

She not only lied, which is wrong, she also forged your initials which if she were older would have gotten her into a lot of trouble at school. First I would let her know that had she just given you the note that you would have just had a conversation about how you expect her to behave in school, but since she also tried to cover it up by forging your initials, she is also being punished by loosing recess and whatever else her punishment is. If it were my daughter, she would probably spend Friday evening writing sentences about how she will not lie or forge my initials ever again, until her hand hurt. Good luck!

the same thing you did. I have even turned my kids in and let them take whatever punishment the school gave.

Nurtureshock is a good book that talks about why kids lie in a chapter. It sounds like so many negative responses that she is trying to avoid them.

Wow kids start younger. I did that in 5th grade! Only I signed my dad's name! Was my butt sore that night!!! I would add additional punishments tonight. She is not too old to be grounded to her yard or house. I would ground my kids to the four corners of our yard. They hated that especially when their friends were riding bikes. Yep, worked every time. You need her to understand that mommy knows everything and sees everything. This is a good start!

I would send in the card with your own note, but making her miss recess doesn't fit the crime. I would call or email her teacher and set up a meeting, but I don't believe food or activity should serve as rewards or punishments. The exception would be if you used recess time to meet with both your daughter and the teacher. But I do agree this is a serious thing to be handled and not blown off. Hope things work out!

I'm dealing with the same problem with my 8 year old daughter. I pray it's a stage. tonight she will be going to bed without tv, which is a REALLY big deal around here.